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In which Daniel has a nosebleed

I’m married to a sports fan.  Now, a true sports fan lives and dies with the results of the team that he’s a fan of.  I grew up with a dad who was a huge Giant’s fan so I really, really thought I knew what I was getting into.  But I was WRONG.  In some way, people should be required to show some sort of resume when you start dating BEFORE you fall in love so you know EXACTLY what you’re getting into.  Whether it is hobbies, family or sports, sometimes you end up biting off a little more than you can chew with your future partner.  
 
At any rate, Kevin and I were dating and by the time we were a couple we were in the middle of NFL football season. This was during the time I was working International Paper Company and we had a huge football pool every week.  I chose my winners using a very scientific approach of combining team mascot and how pretty the uniforms were.  I actually did fairly well with this system coming in second a few times, but never actually winning the jackpot.  Kevin informed me that “things would be changing in regards to my pool” now that we were together as “he had a much more extensive knowledge of football.”  So yeah, Kevin’s “extensive” help basically had me in last place in the pool every week.
 
But I digress, the point was that Kevin was – and is – a fanatical Boston fan of the New England Patriots, the Boston Red Sox and the Boston Celtics (and the Bruins to a much lesser extent).  I had never been around a real fanatic.  The first year we were together New England got DESTROYED by the Chicago Bears in the Super Bowl.  Kevin and his brother were miserable in the living room of his condo and were beside themselves.  My friend and I decided the best strategy was to go in the other room and get high.  We did.  For some reason the loss hardly affected me at all and I spent the rest of the evening making fun of them
 
A few years later, one of the biggest disasters in Boston sports history occurred during the World Series.  That’s right folks.  The Boston Red Sox were about to win the World Series, two outs away when Mookie Wilson of the New York Mets hit the ball towards first base and poor bow-legged Bill Buckner let the ball go between his legs.  Kevin, and millions of other Red Sox fans, almost had a stroke.   Unfortunately by this time, I no longer got high so I had to deal with the misery and fall-out in stone cold sober.  Dealing with a miserable fanatic while sober? Not pretty.  Not pretty at all. I’m shaking my head sadly at this, even after all this time.
 
Okay so that’s the build up.  Fanatical fan.  Losing team.  Bi-polar sports disorder.  Seriously, he’s raised my son so that the tension when the teams play is palpable (I love that word. It’s actually one of my favorite words and I never get to use it.)  Of course, eventually Boston got their shit together and in 2004 the New England Patriots won the Super Bowl.  Then the Boston Red Sox won the World Series.  It was a banner year for Boston sports fans.  As such, you think that things would improve but NOOOOO.  Now the sports fans had tasted the nectar and they wanted more of it.  All. The. Time.
 
Meanwhile Daniel, also a rabid sports fan, was growing up and he was 10 years old.  Daniel was a kid who often had a bloody nose.  Periodically, about every two months or so, the kid would come inside looking like he had been massacred, screaming hysterically because he couldn’t stand the site of blood.  Of course, within 15 minutes or so we always had it under control and he was back outside playing.
 
In 2005, we were watching the Super Bowl and it was a BIG GAME.  New England was trying for a repeat which, for all you non-fans out there, is unheard of and this would establish them as a DYNASTY.  I mean, three SuperBowls in four years! Who cares you say?  Good point.  KEVIN MacDONALD CARES!!!!  So, we’re watching the game, New England vs. Philadelphia when Daniel gets a nose bleed.
 
Daniel:            “Mom, my nose is bleeding”
 
Me:                 “Shit, ok let’s get some paper towels.  You know the routine.  Put your head back and squeeze your nose”
 
Kevin:             “What’s going on?”

Me:                 “Nosebleed”
 
Kevin:             “Seriously? Now Daniel?” (hahaha…like it’s a CHOICE)

Daniel:             “What dad?”

(So, I’m in the kitchen with Daniel and Kevin is still watching the game and Daniel’s nose is bleeding.  And bleeding.  And bleeding)
 
Me:                 “Kevin…”
 
Kevin:             “What?”

Me:                 “It’s been 20 minutes and I can’t get his nose to stop bleeding”
 
Kevin:             “What? Do you need me?  The game is on!”
 
Me:                 “Get in here.  I can’t get it to stop.  I’m going to need to call the doctor”
 
(Of course, we don’t only keep orthopedic guys on standby.  My kids have all had tubes in their ears MULTIPLE times so we also have an ENT who we know personally.  I go look up our doctor’s home number while Kevin, not happily of course, deals with Daniel)
 
Me:                 “Has it stopped yet?”
 
Kevin:             “Damn it, NO!” (yeah, he was pretty put out by the situation)
 
(Meanwhile, Daniel was starting to freak out because he’s choking with the amount of blood running down his throat.  Kevin keeps shushing him because he can’t hear the game and I decide to call the doctor because we just can’t seem to get it to stop)
 
Me:                 “The doctor says that it’s been too long and we need to take him to the emergency room”
 
Kevin:             “Are you serious?  Did you tell him the Patriots were on?”
 
Me:                 “Hold on” (I explained to the doctor that the PATRIOTS are on and there was no way my husband or my son could go to the emergency room.  Yeah, Kevin’s got his priorities straight)
 
Me:                 “…he says to ‘take him to the emergency room NOW KEVIN!”
 
Kevin:             “Ummmm… are you serious?  You can’t be serious! I think it’s slowing down.  Yeah, it’s definitely slowing down now, right Daniel?”
 
Daniel:             “Yeah dad, I think you’re right” (oh Daniel…et tu?  Et tu?)
 
Me:                 “I’m sorry Dr. ENT.  Apparently Daniel is PRETTY GOD DAMN LOW on the totem pole around here.  If he hasn’t bled out by the end of the game we’ll get him to the emergency room”
 
Kevin:             “Lynn, stop being so melodramatic.  OMG Daniel, did you see that play?” (yeah, I’M the bad guy here)
 
Daniel:            (who still has his head back) “Ummm … I can’t see anything DAD, my head is back”
 
Me:                 (muttering) “…unbelievable…why do I bother?”
 
Well, for those of you panicking out there, Daniel did not bleed out.  After almost an hour, his nose DID stop bleeding.  Other than having the shittiest dad in the world, he fully recovered AFTER I took him into the ENT on Monday and they cauterized his nose. (He passed out, but then, that’s another story isn’t it?)   Oh, and relax.  New England DID win the Super Bowl and Kevin and Daniel lived happily ever after.  
 
Both Kevin and Daniel are still fanatics and every game is a stroke-inducing experience.  With both the girls gone off to school, I find it easier to go into another room rather than deal with the stress and trauma of watching games with them.  Oh, and nosebleeds?  They’re gone.  But I have long since learned that if there’s any kind of an emergency during the game, I better handle the damned thing myself.

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32 Comments

  1. Abby
    January 3, 2011

    And now I’m not looking forward to kids during the football season. My honey is a die.hard. Cowboys fan. If we’re not watching the games on Sunday (shit, the season is over) then he’s playing video football on his XBox. (I really effing hate John Madden and EA Sports. If I didn’t blog…)

    We’ve definitely had moments like this. Thanks for the Monday morning laugh.

    • Lynn
      January 3, 2011

      I’m glad you can enjoy it! My son is also a HUGE Madden XBox fan, along with FIFA, HALO, etc. Yeah, we are year round…there’s always another sports season around the corner.

  2. Angel
    January 3, 2011

    Yes, I know this too well – I will never sit through another Liverpool soccer game with my honey. The boy threw shit and got so angry (admittedly the team did play rather badly) I ended up in tears!

    Rule of thumb: a book, either earplugs or iPod and a separate room are all things required when dating sports Junkies!

    • Lynn
      January 3, 2011

      I usually hang out with them until they start the tantrums. THen i’m outta there. The worst is when the team loses and then there is active sulking going on. This happens a LOT with Boston sports.

  3. Samantha
    January 3, 2011

    How did you refrain yourself from kicking him in the man-bits? Seriously. That is all fooked up.

    • Lynn
      January 3, 2011

      well…i figured the kid wasn’t going to die and we deal with so many emergencies in this household that it was just business as usual

  4. Kelley
    January 3, 2011

    Wow! I would be FREAKING OUT. One hour?? So glad it stopped!!

    • Lynn
      January 3, 2011

      Well, it’s very difficult to phase me as i have lived through some MAJOR medical emergencies. So, the odds of him bleeding out in my kitchen were small…in my opinion.

  5. Conflicted Mean Girl
    January 3, 2011

    I can’t believe you started dating someone in the 1986 era of terror for Boston sports fans and your relationship lived to tell about it.

    That nose bleed scenario could have happened at our house growing up. This had me simultaneously cracking up and rocking back and forth trying to block the memories of being yelled at for “interrupting the game!”

    Of course I’ve now grown up to become the ridiculous fanatic.

    • Lynn
      January 3, 2011

      Barely survived the Bill Buckner fiasco…but…it’s actually MORE difficult now that they’ve actually won…TWICE. Now those crazy Boston fans expect success. My husband told me this year when I tried to talk that I was “way into NFL time and he couldn’t talk to me” so, ….YEAH!

  6. Erin
    January 3, 2011

    That is HYSTERICAL – we were on the other end of the stadium- Eagles fans through and through!

    I am sure the reaction would be the same in my household:)

    • Lynn
      January 3, 2011

      Hahaha…the same thing would probably happen today…guys!

  7. jeff hathaway
    January 3, 2011

    tell kevin he is a traitor and i cant wait for the eagles to kick the patriots in the rematch of that superbowl .

    ps your son really shouldn’t get bloody noses during the superbowl

    • Lynn
      January 3, 2011

      Kevin says you’re a loser and it’s going to happen again…also, are you still running the football pool?

  8. jeff hathaway
    January 3, 2011

    i will be running the pool when they meet in the superbowl if he has enough low hanging fruit to put his money where his mouth is. ask him if he is still running into fences after drinking way too much like 2 beers. btw send me his cell # if you dont mind so i can talk trash to the little girl

    • Lynn
      January 3, 2011

      sent you an email, ok?

  9. Theresa Sonoda
    January 3, 2011

    Diehard Denver Broncos fan here, for 20 some odd years now. Passed on the madness to my sons, and their girlfriends thank me often……snarling teeth is acceptable for a thank you, right? I get it………..not the nosebleed part though. I’m a Broncos fanatic but a Mommy first. I would have taken him to the ER at least 15 or 20 minutes earlier. Really. With nfl.com at the ready on my phone, of course, to keep up with the game.

    • Lynn
      January 3, 2011

      No NFL.com back then. It turned out just fine…I’m sure we wouldn’t have let the kid bleed out after all!

  10. Karla Telega
    January 3, 2011

    During the superbowl? You would have had the ER all to yourself. Of course, all the doctors would be busy in the backroom checking the scores. I’m pretty sure doctors have football pools too.

    • Lynn
      January 3, 2011

      Once, I was having a baby during a huge playoff game so the doctor stayed the entire time just so he could watch the game!

  11. Mommylebron
    January 3, 2011

    LOL sorry it’s not funny but it is! My dd9 is a bleeder too and it used to freak me out, now not so much. The worst would be when we’d get up in the morning and her pillow would be covered with blood. For months I had to wake up every couple hours and check on her because I was afraid she would choke on it in her sleep.
    As far as sports I am blessed in the fact that no one in my house watches any sports of any kind. I have all motor head-grease monkeys, video game zombies and bibliophiles.

    • Lynn
      January 3, 2011

      Well…it is sort of funny. When you have a kid who has nose bleeds, it’s so frequent that you just can’t freak. I’m glad we had it fixed…

  12. technician jobs
    January 10, 2011

    My partner and I really enjoyed reading this blog post, I was just itching to know do you trade featured posts? I am always trying to find someone to make trades with and merely thought I would ask.

    • Lynn
      January 10, 2011

      I never have yet…I would have to see if I liked the content and think it over.

  13. Julee Ashford
    April 19, 2011

    Is it alright to insert a portion of this in my weblog if I post a reference to this web-site?

    • Lynn
      April 19, 2011

      sure…that would be fine

  14. Jackie
    August 16, 2011

    Wow… that is some serious sports fans! I’m pretty sure I’d have just left and gone to the hospital!

    • Lynn
      August 16, 2011

      Oh…Sunday is my day off!!!

  15. Frelle
    August 16, 2011

    men. even when they’re ten. sheesh. great story and well told of course :)

    • Lynn
      August 16, 2011

      Hey there! Guys are so damn stupid, aren’t they?

  16. JDaniel4's Mom
    August 16, 2011

    Thankfully my son Daniel hasn’t gone through this.

    • Lynn
      August 16, 2011

      Hahaha…got his nose cauterized and no more nose bleeds after that incident

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