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Dear people who run the movie industry

dearoprah

Dear people who run the movie business:

 

I bet you’re wondering why people don’t go see movies anymore and after the past week, I’m here to tell you.  I used to go to the movies EVERY SINGLE WEEK.  It was part of the date night that I had with my husband.

 

Now, if I could ever find a decent movie to see, I would probably still go but unfortunately that’s not the case. The funny thing is that I’m not even very discriminating.  I love action films, I love romcoms, I love serious movies, I love comedies so basically I have every single category covered.

 

I just want to be entertained and as long as the movie isn’t too stupid I’m okay for the most part.  But let me tell you about the last week of movie experiences.  I refused to see Lincoln in the theatre because I knew it would be too long and too slow for me but I figured I’d be all right in my own house.

 

BUT … I have to say Steven Spielberg, your stock is plummeting in my book.  Yes, Daniel Day Lewis is incredible.  So incredible that I advised Kevin to hire him for a week or two to play me and because he’s so good at inhabiting his roles I figured I’d just go off to a spa for a week or two.  It’s not like Daniel would have much to do as I don’t really accomplish much in this house but he certainly could adopt all my mannerisms and such.

 

But the movie was so ridiculously boring that I could not even believe it.  Beyond the fact that I assumed the amendment would pass (pretty sure I learned that in 8th grade) it was so slow and wordy.  I’m a bit confounded why Sally Fields got a nomination because she was fucking annoying at best.  The entire movie could have been cut by an hour and it would have helped although it still would have sucked.

 

We also watched The Hobbit last night.  Oh Peter Jackson, how was it even possible to ruin such a delightful little book.  Of course, the answer is simple: money.  I find it amazing that 3 books the length of the Lord of the Rings could be turned into 3 movies but 1 little book that isn’t even as long as one of the LotR books could be 3 movies.

 

To do it, they added all this completely unnecessary crap in, tried to bore the audience to death with the beauty of New Zealand and took what is supposed to be a whimsical fun book and turned into a march of incredibly ugly dwarves.  All in all, even with the fast forwarding it was painful.

 

I haven’t even tackled Life of Pi (loved the book) or a lot of the other new movies that were WAY TOO LONG.  What is it with all these 3 hour movies?  Who wants to deal with that?

 

And then last night, we were flipping channels and that movie Chernobyl was on.  I knew the premise was stupid what with 6 tourists going to see Chernobyl as a lark but still, there was absolutely no point to the movie.  Seriously, we skipped channels and came back at the end and we were like “that’s the ending?”  I cannot believe the choices that Hollywood is making with these movies.

 

Therefore, I’d like to offer myself as a critic to let you know when you’ve gone too far.  Great directors, like Spielberg, are so busy making vanity projects that you forget they were ever good.  While he might appreciate the “art” most of us just want a compelling story.

 

Let me know if you need any advice because I’ve got loads of it.

 

Oh, and the Hobbit 2 and 3? You must be kidding me.

 

Sincerely,

 

Lynn MacDonald

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13 Comments

  1. Ribena @ RibenaMusings
    April 22, 2013

    I agree. I have The Hobbit to watch and totally forgot they have made such a small book (in comparison to LoTR) into 3 films. I am thinking I will shelve it until all 3 are out…..

    I’d avoid Oblivion as well then because that dragged when I went to see it last week. Even Tom Cruise topless didn’t do it any further justice.

    The most annoying thing besides predictable endings? Getting to the end of it and thinking “What a ridiculous ending!”

    I’m with you every step of the way. x
    Ribena @ RibenaMusings recently posted..Joan Collins is right. Any woman who wants to stay beautiful needs to diet every day of her lifeMy Profile

    • Lynn
      April 22, 2013

      so sick of all the crap coming out of hollywood

  2. Julie
    April 22, 2013

    The one and only book on tape I ever listened to (or attempted to) was Life of Pi. I found it so awful I was faced with 2 choices 1) Drive into a tree or 2) Stop listening. As for the movies, haven’t seen any of them and am not interested. I can’t even call to mind the last movie that I ‘loved’.

    • Lynn
      April 22, 2013

      really? I loved the book but haven’t seen the movie

  3. Janet
    April 22, 2013

    I agree. I used to go to the movies every Sunday and love the movies. Then I went to see “42” on Friday and it restored my faith and love for movies. Go check it out….even if you don’t like baseball.

    • Lynn
      April 22, 2013

      ok, 42 it is!

  4. Jester Queen
    April 22, 2013

    I refuse to see The Hobbit. I want to like it. One of my favorite artists ever did the Dwarf song. But. I . Hate. Peter. Jackson.

    Lincoln though? Loved loved loved it.

    • Lynn
      April 22, 2013

      really? i was so, so bored…the book is awesome so NEVER see the Hobbit.

  5. Theresa
    April 22, 2013

    Agreed… My daughter who is taking World History AP was all psyched for Lincoln on demand… I also refused to see it in the theatre. She fell asleep. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY! Horrible, just horrible. Paid critics are afraid to knock Spielberg on anything. He could do a movie about the life of a paper towel, and they would ooh and ahhhhh… Shameful, really. And if you dare to say you hated it? He probably has a custom guillotine at his home awaiting your visit. It is basically the Oprah factor. Love her, hate her…just don’t say it out loud.

    She did however, say the Life of Pi was fantastic, as did the Producing student. I don’t believe either one, and I refuse to watch.

    I love and adore the movies. Grew up in a movie family. Grandfather worked for Variety for over 40 years. Love, love, love. But, movie making has become complacent. Stack em high, watch em fly kind of mentality. Get in, shoot, edit, get out. I am more into the low budget indies at the moment. End of Watch…love… Hyde Park on Hudson…quirky fun, although poorly cast for Eleanor Roosevelt. Kicks and giggles with Billy Crystal and Bette Midler in Parental Guidance… The stuff under the radar… Except ARGO, which I held out on, and really, really enjoyed. Affleck deserved that nod. Next up…maybe… The place beyond the Pines… The trailer looks good.. but who knows if I will follow through…I treat those movie tickets like gold!

  6. Peggy L.
    April 22, 2013

    I’m with you-why so long?! Lincoln would have been fine with an hour cut out, and the Hobbit would be grand as 2 two hour movies, especially if they weren’t so darn glum. Did like the head dwarf, though.

    Am I going blind, or do a lot of movies seem to like to shoot in the dark, or at least with gloomy lighting? Artsy it might be, but I can stand in the closet and get the same effect.

  7. Phillipa
    April 22, 2013

    I went to see Life of Pi in the theatre in 3D…..I had not read the book yet so didn’t know what to expect, and I loved it…..

  8. Faith.TheBlonde.
    April 23, 2013

    I dread watching “World War Z” w/ Brad Pitt. I know they’re going to fuck it up. I read the book and from what I’ve seen of the trailer….yeah.

    • Lynn
      April 24, 2013

      I haven’t read the book…Keely says it was interesting. It’s gonna suck as a movie though

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