This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

Go ahead amuse me Absolutely Narcissism

Today my guest on Go ahead, amuse me is Sandra from Absolutely Narcissism.  This is what she says about herself in her profile: I am the mother of four lovely children. However, that’s not enough for me, and as a result, I am constantly looking to redefine myself so that my identity is not just about me being “the mother of four lovely children” since that seems to be the way I consistently describe myself. I am more. Much more. This blog is exactly about that: exploring my passions, exploring my life.

Hope you enjoy her post!!!


A Day in the Life of a Blogger

 

Being a blogger is hard work.  I mean it’s haaaard work.

Beyond the obvious time and dedication that is required, blogging occupies every facet of your mind. I mean, you can’t even go pee in the public washroom at Walmart, without wondering if and how the subject matter will be introduced into a post.

 

My day begins innocently enough. I promise myself that today is the day I am NOT going to think about my blog. Today I am going to concentrate on my family.

My family.

They’re a nice bunch of people.

 

As I skip down to my kitchen, feeling lighter; free from the cage that has been my laptop, I am thinking about what I could pack in my two older children’s lunches; a little something to show them how much I really love them.

I know!

I’ll write a note: Dear Son, I am so proud of you. Even though you are a big handsome 16 year old, you will always be mommy’s little baby!

 

…And then as I reread the note, I giggle.

Because I’ve written it in bright pink highlighter and when he opens his lunch bag and the note falls out, his friends are going to be able to see every word.

My kid is going to be so pissed…

 

Then I think about taking a picture of the note because it would really accentuate the blog post I’m going to write about my son’s humiliation.

And then I’m like, No! No posts today!

 

The day continues on. The children are sent off to school, and other than the comment my 8 year old made about his piece of toast looking like a boob (it didn’t…’cause if it had I would have taken a picture of it), I have not found anything blog worthy.

 

The rest of the afternoon is a series of menial tasks such as paying bills, doing housework, and grocery shopping, which bore me so much, I need a nap.

Napping though…well, any kind of sleep, is a blogger’s most productive activity, or rather inactivity.

Any kind of lull in my day allows my mind the freedom to scour the past days and weeks, frantically searching for a nugget of funny that can be expanded upon into a full-blown blog post.

Did I or somebody in my family trip? Say a bad word? Clog the toilet? Step in dog poo? Make a poo? Talk about poo?…poo is a really good one…

 

No. No good poo stories, but my daughter does have the stinkiest feet…and I did catch her wrestling her little brother to the ground, and as though she were planting a flag at the top of the  mountain, she successfully stuck her baby toe in his nostril.

 

Yes…Yes! A post!

 

Struggling free from the covers, I spring towards my laptop, and begin to write.

The world would probably benefit from a post expounding the pros and cons of the health care system.

But “The Smelly Toe Versus the Small Boy” is created and highly acclaimed with several retweets, Facebook “likes,” and comment love.

 

But tomorrow, tomorrow is a new day.

Tomorrow, I PROMISE I won’t blog.

Go ahead, amuse me is a weekly posting I will be having featuring another funny blogger.  Or maybe not a blogger … you could just be a funny person.  So, if you would like to be featured all you have to do is email me at allfookedup@gmail.com and send me a funny post.  If I AGREE that it’s funny, I’ll simply put up your post with a short intro that you write so that my readers will check out your blog.  Of course, you also need to put up a link to my blog saying that you’re being featured over here.

 

See? WIN-WIN … hope to hear from you … or not!

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31 Comments

  1. Ally
    December 8, 2011

    Some think in terms of 140 character tweets. Bloggers think in terms of blog posts.
    “The Smelly Toe Versus the Small Boy” – how can you ignore material like that?

  2. XLMIC
    December 8, 2011

    LOL! This is SO true! Case in point…my race in Vegas on Sunday…you’d think I was busy enough just running 13.1 miles as fast as I could, but NOOOOOOO… when I dashed into Denny’s to make an untimely ‘grand slam’ (yes, poo is always a good topic!), instead of being super super bummed at how badly this would hurt my time, I took a picture of the stall door in anticipation of the awesome blog post the experience was about to become!

    Love you, Sandra!!!!!

  3. Name *
    December 8, 2011

    At least you have all of those kids and a husband to provide blog fodder… I love alone and spend way too much time in my own head. I once posted about thinking that ‘I would do anything for love’ by Meatloaf was about anal sex.

    Sarah xxx

  4. Alison@Mama Wants This
    December 8, 2011

    Haha, a blogger’s work is just never done is it? Sometimes I’m tempted to do something for the sake of the blog. Sigh. I’m so lame.

  5. A Daft Scots Lass
    December 8, 2011

    Oh Em Gee! I love this Bitch! ♥♥

  6. Bridget
    December 8, 2011

    You are the most amusing ever! Good idea about a stinking feet post…I wonder if I can work that in tomorrow…

  7. Symdaddy
    December 8, 2011

    Ok, so you think poo is a worthy blog subject?

    Shame, shame and more shame on you!

    Nothing beats a fartilicious tale of explosive gaseous expulsions, delivered in Techni-smell, obviously.

    However, that said, I must admit that I do so admire your skilful literary manipulations.
    Symdaddy recently posted..Mr. Atherton’s CatMy Profile

  8. Diane@BeStillaMinute
    December 8, 2011

    I can relate. My blog holds me captive. I know this because when I’m right smack dab in the middle of something stupid, like locking myself out of the house…twice within minutes…my mind suddenly turns to what a great post this is going to make and I realize, it was kinda worth it!

  9. Abby
    December 8, 2011

    I wish I could not think about the stupid blog, but any time something happens, I’m already starting to write a damn post in my head. Bird flies into my head? Mom brings a gnome to the theater? Instant material!

    Then when nothing happens, I tell myself it’s a good thing, as then I can forget about my blog…until I stress about not blogging. It’s a cycle…I’m fooked up ;)

  10. Name *
    December 8, 2011

    eerily true. I hate those days when I’m franticallly seaching for something to write about and my kids just won’t comply by doing something funny or annoying :)

  11. Mayor Gia
    December 8, 2011

    Your poor boy! Losing a fight against the smelly toe of a sister seems especially humiliating. Oh and the story living in infamy on a blog, of course..
    Mayor Gia recently posted..My Appliances are Against MeMy Profile

  12. moooooog35
    December 8, 2011

    I had a family specifically so I’d have more stuff to write about.

    I’m pretty sure that’s the entire reason for procreation.

  13. Jennifer Boykin
    December 8, 2011

    I love it when a girl takes a man down with her pinky toe!

  14. Joanne
    December 8, 2011

    Blogging is an obsession with no cure! Everything is subject to becoming a post!
    Very funny post Sandra :0)
    blessings, Joanne

  15. alaina
    December 8, 2011

    so true. my mind is always racing. no one is off limits. i need a nap.

  16. The Accidental Somebody
    December 8, 2011

    I couldn’t imagine trying to blog without having had kids – without them I would have no one to make fun of! Except myself, of course, which I do plenty of.

  17. Impulsive Addict
    December 8, 2011

    I love Sandra! She’s so stinkin’ funny!!

    I have a couple of embarrassing funny posts. Maybe I’ll send them to you but I feel weird since we’re like strangers right now. I feel like I should get to know you before you hear my horror stories. ;)

  18. Pamela D Hart
    December 8, 2011

    Blog obsession…ah yes, I can relate. And my purse would be a whole lot lighter if I didn’t have to carry around a notebook…well not really.

    And yes, everyone and everything can be a “blog post”…I sometimes wonder what the heck I did before blogging or how I get anything done now that I do blog.
    Pamela D Hart recently posted..I Was A Santa TerroristMy Profile

  19. Linda Medrano
    December 8, 2011

    Sandra, I’m glad I’m not the only one. If I can’t blog about it, did it really happen? I think it’s like that tree in the forest.

  20. Belle
    December 8, 2011

    Great post, I do think most bloggers obsess about their blogs. I get so mad at myself for not immediately writing down the stupid things my family says because sometimes I forget later. I actually don’t mind it when I screw up on something because then I can write about it. In a way, it makes every experience fun.

  21. Kimberly
    December 8, 2011

    I love you, Sandra. You think just like I do. I really hope you stuck that note in his lunch.

  22. Mrs Dzo
    December 8, 2011

    Smelly Toe vs. The Small Boy…I’m dying. You forgot the part where we jot notes down randomly so we don’t forget because “this will make the best post ever” and then never finding that damn piece of paper again…
    Mrs Dzo recently posted..Fear Does Not Exist In This DojoMy Profile

  23. bluzdude
    December 8, 2011

    The girl is going to regret that because one day she’ll start bringing dates home and her little brother will be telling the guy, “Be careful with her, or else she’s liable to stick her stinky little toe in your nose.”
    bluzdude recently posted..A Win Against Voter SuppressionMy Profile

  24. sparkling74
    December 8, 2011

    Since I’ve been blogging, I have to say it has helped me through some unpleasant situations. I’ve thought “hmm, can I blog about this?” and then it get s a little better!

  25. RoryBore
    December 8, 2011

    Everything is blog worthy in my mind! It’s all in the spin.
    And Sandra is the best spinner I’ve found! I’d read her grocery list….

  26. injaynesworld
    December 9, 2011

    I never regretted not having children until I became a blogger. ;)

    • Lynn
      December 9, 2011

      ok, that’s too funny…

  27. Missy | Literal Mom
    December 9, 2011

    Love it Sandra! And you are so right – poo is always a fun topic to explore on a blog!

  28. Gwendolyn Francis
    December 12, 2011

    I can SO relate!!! I started my blog just 3 months ago and I find it all-consuming. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with an idea that causes me to bolt upright in bed. Now I keep a notebook next to my bed; sometimes I’m up from 1-4 am getting it all out of my system. I also find posts popping into my head in the shower or while driving. There have been plenty of times I’ve ran dripping wet through my house to get to the nearest piece of paper and pen. Now I keep a notebook in my car and have to pull over sometimes just to jot some things down. I also went to staples and bought a ton of small notebooks and tiny pens and keep them stashed in every jacket pocket. It’s like a disease! Or “A Beautiful Mind.” I’m not sure which… At least I find my blog entertaining and hysterical (to me anyway) so I can be in my bed in the middle of the night laughing out loud hysterically to the point that I scare my dog. Oh well. :-)

  29. […] end up blogging? Well over at All Fooked Up, Sandra from Absolute Narcissism guest posted and wrote A Day In the Life of a Blogger and all about how not blogging rarely works […]

  30. Nolie
    December 17, 2011

    So true. Lucky for me my husband has joined the crusade and points out what can make a blog post for me as well.
    Nolie recently posted..Are parents the only ones setting a bad example?My Profile

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