This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

Go ahead, amuse me Alexandria

 

Today my guest on Go ahead, amuse me is Alexandria aka “The Empress.”  You can find her blogging away over at Good day, Regular People and you should definitely wander over there and check her out.

Here’s what she has to say about herself:

This blog is made up of  posts from me; an overanalyzing, oversensitive, overwhelmed mother of three boys living life in a small town where I find myself like a fish out of water.

The most important thing you need to know about this blog is that it saves my life every day.  

Today I ask the question, when on the lookout for mommyfriends, when do you go from being friendly, to being scary? Just like this:

The woman I was trying to chat up at the park one beautiful early summer day might as well as have just turned to me and said, “not if you were the LAST person on earth would I hook up with you.” But she didn’t have to, I had become a mind reader by my fifth year of being a mother. And I had become pretty good at it, this time, the tell tale alarmed look in her eyes gave her away.

I was too scary.

Things had been going well between us, if you asked me. I hadn’t seen her at this park before, and the weather was perfect — the kind where everyone can’t wait to be outside. We each had 3 children– about the same age. The kids were getting along great, she had brought organic snacks, Hey! me too! I heard her tell her children how important it was to clean up your area after eating, to keep mother earth green. Just like I would have done. Awesome.

We talked, exchanged adorable toddler anecdotes, laughed at each other’s stories about staying home with little ones. I had pushed her daughter on the swing, she had helped my son down from the slide. We were dressed similarly enough, so our shared values were evident (no polyester). As the afternoon wore on and the children began to tire, we rounded them up — time to head home. We both believed in naps, even at this age! Does it get any better? I smiled. Could she be the one?

I thought I had the green light, I tell you that’s how I read it, otherwise I never would’ve ventured and put myself out there as I was about to. I cleared my throat, “Say, it was so nice meeting you today, and our kids seem to get along so well…would you like to meet up next week, same time? same place?”

Her eyes locked with mine, frozen, in terror. I was still standing there, grinning like a teen who had just gotten her braces off. Within seconds, since I read minds, I picked up her echoey inner voice that sounded something like this, “not if you were the last person on earth would I meet up with you.”

She blinked once, maybe three or four more times, then began to stammer out an excuse about already having a full calendar — haha — she threw in a tight lipped smile, no teeth showing, more rapid eye blinks…well, you get the picture.

“Ummm…,” I begin. For some reason, I decide to take the heat off her. “O..o…okay, I totally understand, really. Well, nice to meet you anyway!” I said in the fakest bright voice I could get out. I quickly headed to the van with my kids. “Go, kids, go!,” I ordered in a loud whisper. “Why, mommy, is it going to rain bad?” Uh. No…I just am embarrassed all to heck and want to get the frack out of here as fast as I can before she sees my red face. So, go…just…go.

I do wonder what the heck it is about me. That I scare nice people. It would be nice to know how others see us sometimes. But, then I kept thinking on the drive home — and I decide to decide that I would mentally deal with it as perhaps the truth? Maybe she did have enough friends and could not stand to take on another one, maybe her clique frowned upon outsiders, maybe her calendar was booked solid. If I found her appealing, I’m sure others had too.

I go home and look at Hillel’s quote that I keep taped to the inside of my kitchen cabinet, “I get up. I walk. I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing.” I had plenty to dance about in my life, and I would keep trying until I found others who liked dancing with me too.

Go ahead, amuse me is a weekly posting I will be having featuring another funny blogger.  Or maybe not a blogger … you could just be a funny person.  So, if you would like to be featured all you have to do is email me at allfookedup@gmail.com and send me a funny post.  If I AGREE that it’s funny, I’ll simply put up your post with a short intro that you write so that my readers will check out your blog.  Of course, you also need to put up a link to my blog saying that you’re being featured over here.

 

See? WIN-WIN … hope to hear from you … or not!

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13 Comments

  1. Nancy
    February 16, 2012

    Thanks for the story you have shared us here Lynn…Great job here!
    Nancy recently posted..how to improve visionMy Profile

  2. Jessie Powell
    February 16, 2012

    I terrify the other mothers, too. I’ve always had that effect on people. In my case, it’s because I’ve moved from a small town to a larger one, but you know….
    Jessie Powell recently posted..Celebrate CALM Part 2My Profile

  3. Name *
    February 16, 2012

    Thank you for hosting me today, Lynn.

    WIsh I knew what terrified that woman so?

    I guess it’s for the best…my lack of in real life moms had me turn to the internet for friends, and I”ve never been happier!

    Love this series, I look forward to finding more funny bloggers to follow with Amuse Me posts.

    • Lynn
      February 16, 2012

      thanks girl! and sorry about the mixup. I have you listed on this date but must have told you the wrong date. I’m disorganized like that.

      :(

  4. Name *
    February 16, 2012

    Oh Gosh Alexandra, deja vu, No kidding. Thanks for the introduction to Lynn too. I love being amused!

  5. Annie
    February 16, 2012

    I used to have the same problem, Alexandra. Mothers used to look at me like I had a whole lettuce leaf shoved between my two front teeth and toilet paper attached to my shoe. Since my kids are now grown and I still get the look, I think I’m just destined to be “that weird woman.” The only difference is…with age I now could give a flying rip! Great post. Love your writing.

  6. imperfectmomma
    February 16, 2012

    oh my word! I thought that it was only me. I swear sometimes that I have a sign around my neck. :) Awesome site!!
    imperfectmomma recently posted..Never Give UpMy Profile

  7. I have been doing some child care for a friend and take him to the local playground near his home. None of the other mothers will talk to me even if I address them directly. the park is in a wealthy town and I show up in sweat pants so I’m not all put together with my gucci hand bag and manicure matching my sneakers. I feel ya!

    • Name *
      February 16, 2012

      I’d wear sweats deliberately to avoid interaction with those fake plastic frosties. Good on you, Gwendolyn.

  8. Amberr Meadows
    February 16, 2012

    I really enjoyed the post. I have a similar problem with other moms, but it’s because I always seem to intimidate them. I don’t know why, I’m not a mean-looking person, and I’m polite, but still they act nervous in my presence. Maybe I have a scary just-out-of-prison look when I’m concentrating? Who’s to say? But I’m okay dancing by myself :-)
    Amberr Meadows recently posted..Having A Soft Place To LandMy Profile

  9. Missy | Literal Mom
    February 17, 2012

    Lovely to see you here, Alexandra! And I don’t know why you scare ANYONE! I think you’re one of the nicest people I’ll someday meet. :)

  10. Name *
    February 17, 2012

    Whenever you tell stories like this, Alexandra, I am just baffled – when I met you in person (finally!) you were totally normal, or just really good at masking it. Or were you wearing your “Went to Area 51 and All I Got Was This Lousy Tshirt” tshirt again?
    Name * recently posted..Thank You, Dance MomsMy Profile

  11. JDaniel4's Mom
    February 19, 2012

    She missed out of having a fun and wonderful friend. I bet she regretted her look of distain.

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