This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

Go ahead, amuse me Anecdotal Baby

Today my guest on Go Ahead, Amuse me is Melissa and here’s what she has to say about herself!

I’m Melissa of The Anecdotal Baby, a milk-making (my boobs, that is), cloth diapering,–no, i’m not “crunchy”–stay-at-home freelance writer who, in April this year, became a new mom to a wonderful little girl (aka Lovebug).

Happening a little by accident after some kooky “welcome to motherhood” moments, The Anecdotal Baby was born, and I decided to put my deepest thoughts out there on the world WIDE web. The blog is one part bizarre and a whole lot of  reality with a dash of sarcasm.

Just Short of Pimping Myself Out for Apple

Along with every Tom, Dick, and Harry, I found myself in line out front of a little known computer store with that eh, fruit symbol like a kid waiting for Santa Clause at the mall. I shot impatient glares through the grand stainless steel framed glass windows while a representative kept telling people not to touch – by the way, after spending $300 on computer produce, iTouch every damn thing I want.


While waiting patiently with sweaty palms to get my hands on the pearly white, new Apple iPhone that I’d done everything short of pimping myself out for the night before to get a damn reservation, I began contemplating. I’ve done some stupid shit. Standing in line for three hours in which I nursed a baby with one foot propped on the stroller to support a 16 pound bundle hanging off my boob, changed two diapers (including the one in the middle of the store) – I’m all for public displays of poop – and discussed why I should’ve eaten before beginning this adventure with the person in line didn’t seem so crazy. Can you say brainwashed?

Meanwhile, inside the store, they were plotting how they’d continue to try and break me since standing in a three hour line with a reservation didn’t do the trick.


Finally making it out of line and into the *cue the angelic sounding music* almighty world dominating Apple store, the overly-enthusiastic-I’m-going-to-do-anything-for-you-except-let-you-walk-out-of-here-with-the-phone-everyone-wants specialist, and her annoyingly bubbly manager proceeded to tell me how my carrier thinks I’ve used my upgrade when they sent me the previous phone everybody wanted at one time by mistake and will not let me have the supreme phone for the special price of $299 – wtf? that’s the special? – and how I have to jump through more hoops.


I applaud you computer empire. You’ve taken marketing, pumped it full of steroids, given it a fruit symbol, and set it ablaze. You should just change your name to iWant. You’ve managed to have otherwise sane adults schlep their kids, mothers-in-law, and oxygenated grandmothers to stand in three hour lines balancing a latte with kid hanging off the teat, narrowly avoiding a diaper blowout while jumping through fiery rings to get their hands on a piece of your gold as if this is just another errand on the list.


*Sigh* If only they offered an iNap. After losing three hours of my life that I can never get back I would’ve paid anything for one. I’m pretty sure, though, I’d hear the dissertation of the wannabe-band-member-putting-in-his-dues-at-the-computer-store-before-making-it-big specialist on how they’re only stocked in “limited quantity” and given out on a “first come, first serve” basis before being asked if I’d reserved one.



Melissa
Freelance Writer & Blogger

Go ahead, amuse me is a weekly posting I will be having featuring another funny blogger.  Or maybe not a blogger … you could just be a funny person.  So, if you would like to be featured all you have to do is email me at allfookedup@gmail.com and send me a funny post.  If I AGREE that it’s funny, I’ll simply put up your post with a short intro that you write so that my readers will check out your blog.  Of course, you also need to put up a link to my blog saying that you’re being featured over here. See? WIN-WIN … hope to hear from you … or not!

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10 Comments

  1. Melanie
    December 22, 2011

    I avoid that fruit store like the plague. I’ve always had an iPhone since they first came out. But I wait ’til they have fixed all the glitches to get the new one. I currently have the 4 because the 4S doesn’t appeal to me. Now, when the 5 comes out I’ll be dying until I can get one. I, too, am an iAddict. But I refuse to wait in line like that for anything. If I can’t walk in and be out of a store within 20 minutes, I don’t go.

    Picturing you changing a poopy diaper in the middle of the store cracked me up. I pictured a pimply faced kid with ironic glasses and a faux hawk with an Apple nametag saying, “Umm, could you not do that on the new Macbook Air?”

    • The Anecdotal Baby
      December 22, 2011

      I hate waiting in line, but somehow I can’t help myself when it comes to Apple. I need iAnonymous for sure!

  2. Mrs Dzo
    December 22, 2011

    I applaud your poop changing efforts in the middle of the pristine Nirvana of so many. I too am put under the fruit spell and may or may not have paid *cough – wheeze – throw up* the actual listed price of the damn phone after they pulled the “your carrier says you already upgraded” line with me. (To be fair, this was a year ago and I was still using a flip phone…I was getting the damn iPhone if it meant selling my child. Kidding. Sort of.)
    Mrs Dzo recently posted..Do You Believe?My Profile

  3. You had me at “diaper blowout.” At least it would be your baby’s and not yours (?) I too have suffered some serious public displays of poop, on dates and front lawns & things like that. I will say that I am TOTALLY addicted to my iphone and want to have a commitment ceremony to honor our relationship.

  4. Name *
    December 22, 2011

    I hit the fruit store, too and found a keybord fo the pad and a cover. Once hubby came home from afghanistan, I figured I’d just add to all things touch. The only thiing missing was the iPhone! Thank God for me I could use one of my daughters’ upgrades! OMG! Then came finding one of said fruit phones. Can someone tell me why they don’t have enough in stock at the HOLIDAYS? At a loss! I bought one today after going online and hunting. After a week I found one. The guys at the Mobile Best Buy told me I bought the last one in Central Florida. Verizon stores had zero, iStore zilch, any other store online or in person…NADA. I found the last one 25 miles away and threw on the flip flops and went to get it! Aawwwww! Small Favors…Answered.

  5. The Anecdotal Baby
    December 23, 2011

    @pullmyfunnybone, you’re hilarious! Looking forward to following your blog… and why not have a commitment ceremony? I say go for it!

  6. Courtney~Mommy LaDy Club
    December 23, 2011

    I just can’t do the Apple thing, because of that store and all of that hype. We have a friend from Germany, who must visit that store every time he comes to town, and it is the only store in the entire Arizona Southwest–South of Phoenix. So you can imagine the crowds there. Apple products and that store hang out addiction is the strangest sub-culture I’ve seen since sand-duning outside of Yuma(in the sand fields filmed in Star Wars)!;) I call them the “Dune People”.
    Courtney~Mommy LaDy Club recently posted..Battle of The Leading Men: Gerard Butler vs. Jensen Ackles & Eric Dane vs. David Boreanaz Shirtless Re-MatchMy Profile

  7. The Anecdotal Baby
    December 27, 2011

    I think one either loves or hates Apple. I seem to have do both. I love them… for so many reasons, but often they’re a pain in the ass to deal with.

  8. The Anecdotal Baby
    December 27, 2011

    I think one either loves or hates Apple. I seem to love it… for so many reasons, but I hate it when they’re a pain in the ass.

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