This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

Go ahead, amuse me Blundering Blogger

 

Today on Go ahead, amuse me my guest is The Blundering Blogger.  Here’s what she had to say about herself.

I screw up. Often and with verve. I kill plants with a glance. I end up in Chinese whorehouses searching for a foot massage. My children total cars (that I continue providing) like it’s a job. Bruises, scrapes and splinters regularly complement my Gucci and Tiffany accessories. If you are a blade, sharp corner, fiery poker or scalding liquid, chances are you and I are bound for intimacy. My blog chronicles the events (or disasters, depending on your perspective) that occur around the Strange house.

Casualty Report… Full Frontal!

A week or two ago I found this couple getting it on right outside the front door! It was such a sight, I snapped pics with my cell phone.

With my penchant for killing all things technical, you might imagine I would absolutely SUCK at photography and you’d be correct! Mostly.

How I managed to get these great shots, remains a mystery to both of us. You and me, I mean, because obviously the exhibitionist tendencies displayed here show the porn stars of the moth kingdom at work.

Being a nurse and all, I’m prone to taking a scientific approach. Those guys were at it for 24 HOURS! So the moth girls have some real studs in the bedroom. Naturally, I wanted to get a look at the *ahem* equipment of the male moth since he had such stamina. I studied them from every angle with no luck and was just about to lift up their skirts when the Lt. Col. showed up.

“What are you doing?” He asked, causing me to have a coronary event because he totally sneaked up and I didn’t hear him. He loves to do that. (I probably looked a little pervy too, what with all my ogling.)

“Trying to find a penis to distinguish gender.” (I was all official sounding even after my heart attack because I’m professional like that.)

“You don’t need to find a penis to figure that out.”

“Speak for yourself. I’ve always found it a reliable indicator. I’m not performing exploratory vaginal exams today.” (Plus, I wanted to see who gets to be on top in moth sex because they did NOT appear to be taking turns.)

“The guy is the little one who looks like he’s dying.”

Ever the romantic, my Lt. Col. 

So I spent nearly a week wondering why I’ve never seen moths doing it ANYWHERE, much less right here for the whole neighborhood to see. I mean, clearly they aren’t shy. But, I should’ve been thinking like a writer instead of a nurse. Because this was serious foreshadowing!

Two days ago we forgot to lock our bedroom door. We still have a teenager living at home. That’s probably as much as needs to be said about that. We are all scarred for life now.

Isn’t it amazing how teenagers only care about privacy if it is their own?

“YOU KNOW THERE’S A LOCK ON THIS DOOR FOR A REASON!” She hollered at us, completely ungrateful for our life-giving procreation talents. (The unmitigated nerve of someone with the audacity to weigh 10 lbs. 5 oz. at birth!)

“Oh, suddenly the champion of KNOCKING BEFORE YOU ENTER isn’t following her own advice, I see!” I’ve used the old ‘and just how do you think you got here?‘ response on her older siblings – so that’s been rendered ineffective.

Probably most parents would’ve tried to pretend it wasn’t what it looked like, but not us! We are all about taking responsibility around here–besides, there was no other POSSIBLE explanation for what she barged in on other than naked Yoga maybe, but I don’t think she’d have bought it. The Lt. Col. is quite inflexible on all things related to long muscles and anything that could be construed as ‘girly exercise’.

After our impertinent offspring turned on her heels and stormed out, I asked the Lt. Col. “I wonder if you looked like you were dying?”

Oddly, he was unamused. 

Go ahead, amuse me is a weekly posting I will be having featuring another funny blogger.  Or maybe not a blogger … you could just be a funny person.  So, if you would like to be featured all you have to do is email me at allfookedup@gmail.comand send me a funny post.  If I AGREE that it’s funny, I’ll simply put up your post with a short intro that you write so that my readers will check out your blog.  Of course, you also need to put up a link to my blog saying that you’re being featured over here.

See? WIN-WIN … hope to hear from you … or not!

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12 Comments

  1. Christina
    November 17, 2011

    To tell the truth I never much thought of moth sex. I know they obviously have to reproduce somehow but I guess I was just happy not imagining it let a long seeing a picture. Reminds me of that old joke about the smell of moth balls. How do you get their tiny legs apart? Anyway, interesting segue from moth sex to your sex along with your daughter’s possible future mental therapy. Love the Blundering Blogger’s Blog by the way. It really does amuse.

  2. Dana Strange
    November 17, 2011

    Thanks! I’ve never heard the moth balls joke before and I nearly gave my cat a heart attack. Please excuse me, I’ve got to find the Neosporin.
    Dana Strange recently posted..I’ve achieved time travel…My Profile

  3. Dad Blog Tork
    November 17, 2011

    Moth sex? hehehehe …sorry :-) i love it.

    – tork
    Dad Blog Tork recently posted..15 Gift Ideas For Dad This XmasMy Profile

  4. Sarah :)
    November 17, 2011

    I’m not performing exploratory vaginal exams today, either. However, I am laughing a lot. (<————Hey Lynn, see that? Still two words! Aren't you proud??) Bang up job, Blundering Blogger :)

  5. Julie
    November 17, 2011

    I loved the moth ball joke when i was a kid. It still cracks me up. I wonder if I’ll ever grow up?

  6. frank anderson
    November 17, 2011

    Thanks for an amusing way to start the day! Moth sex sounds sooooo dirty for some reason :) One thing most kids don’t want to think about is their parents having sex…ewhhhhh. Good stuff…

  7. Dana
    November 17, 2011

    It was like twenty-four hours of NatGeo channel without commercial interruption! I’m not sure anything could’ve pried those two apart.
    Dana recently posted..I’ve achieved time travel…My Profile

  8. Pamela D Hart
    November 17, 2011

    Moth sex. Now there’s something I haven’t seen or even given thought to. I get moths, lots of them as I’m forever leaving the back deck light ON, to my husband’s utter annoyance. I’m like that, all annoying. We do lock our door though because my kids already need therapy. That’s the bonus you get for living with me. Your very own Shrink Sofa. ;-)
    Pamela D Hart recently posted..The Adventures Of MotherhoodMy Profile

  9. By Word of Mouth Musings
    November 17, 2011

    I will never look at a moth in the same way ;)
    By Word of Mouth Musings recently posted..Pie. Thankful Thursday. One Week til Turkey Day!My Profile

  10. Dana
    November 17, 2011

    Well, being the technical jinx I am, of course I am having issues with the Reply button. I stand accused of being a spam bot, therefore I am forced to comment anew every time I want say something.

    Anyway, I will never look at moths the same way again, either! But they should definitely have their own page in the Kama Sutra.
    Dana recently posted..I’ve achieved time travel…My Profile

  11. Mrs Dzo
    November 17, 2011

    Well played on the champion of door knocking line.

    I’m fairly certain I would’ve died or made up any excuse plausible or not for what was going on. “I had something in my eye and the only way to get it out was to be in the dark, naked, rolling…”
    Mrs Dzo recently posted..Hippie Membership CancelledMy Profile

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