This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

Go ahead, amuse me Jesterqueen

 

Today’s guest on Go Ahead, Amuse me is Jessie and here’s what she had to say about herself:

Jessie Bishop Powell blogs as the Jester Queen.  Over at  http://jesterqueen.com, she talks about herself in the first person, discusses her kids on the autism spectrum, openly mocks authority figures, and throws a little fiction in the mix to spice things up. She currently has a giveaway (her first ever!) for the world’s coolest business cards, and she has helpfully condensed Moby Dick into sound bites you can safely use in your high school or college English course. (As long as your teacher is a complete moron.)http://jesterqueen.com/2012/05/08/uprinting-giveaway-abridged-moby-dick/

Now that my blog has been up and running for not quite a year, I feel a sense of web ownership and expertise. And I’d like to use that to help folks who are just trying to get off their feet and start blogs. I think two of the questions that plague new bloggers the most are these: What sort of content should I publish? How do I decide whether or not to publish something? Do I include family, colleagues, and friends in my blog readership? And besides them, how do I build a following? I’d like to address both of these questions in turn, and I have developed a handy flowchart series that will help keep folks on track to a successful blog.

Content

First and foremost, there’s that pesky question of content. There are three basic kinds of blog: Family/ Parenting, Pop Culture, Writing, Humor, and GLBTQ. Oh. And also religion. But if you’re writing about that, you probably don’t need my guidance to determine your content if you know what I mean. For those of a more secular bent, here’s a helpful flowchart to help with this question.

There. See how easy that was? (What? Who said that was confusing? Let me just tell you, I am writing this for your good, and if you’re confused, you need to take better notes.) {ahem}

When to publish

Once you get started blogging, you’ll realize pretty early on that not every idea that pops into your head is a gold mine. In fact, some ideas are downright terrible, and others will remain emblazoned forever on the internet as examples of your foolishness. To save you from this fate, I have developed another helpful flowchart

 

 

(ExCUSE me? Is that the same person grumbling in the back? You know what? You can just leave this lecture at aaany time, mister. If you don’t think my flowcharts are very helpful, you do not have to stay.) For the rest of the class, I will now move on.

Should I invite people I know?

Now that you’ve figured out how to use your publish button effectively, let’s move on and consider audience. There is one basic type of audience member: People who know you in real life, and people who don’t know you in real life. (I do so know how to count. So shut up back there. Just. Shut. Up. Shutty.) One of the easiest places to get an audience is in people who already feel some sort of connection to you. But you should be careful about inviting people who know you in real life into your little corner of the blogosphere. In the interest of simplifying the issue, here’s a flowchart.

 

(Who is that? If you can’t follow my arrows, then you need better glasses to go with your improved note taking system!) I do apologize to everyone else for this gentleman’s rude behavior.

How do I invite total strangers?

Now, it’s possible that after committing to this difficult decision making process, you will be left with only a few real life followers. But that’s OK, because the interwebz are full of people who want to read your blog. (Yes. Yes ‘interwebs’ is a word as the matter of fact. LOLCats uses it all the TIME.)

MOVING FORWARD, there are a couple of basic ways to increase readership. Let’s look at this flowchart to determine a few of the ways you can develop a following of strangers.

(What? Well thank YOU. I’m so glad I finally did something up to your standard you bloody troll. How would you like to stay after class and write your name on the blackboard a hundred times, hmm?) For the rest of you, class is now dismissed. It will reconvene some other time over on http://jesterqueen.com.

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13 Comments

  1. Mayor Gia
    May 10, 2012

    Ha! The charts are spot on. End result: I shouldn’t invite anyone in my life (except Boyfriend) to read my blog ever. EVER.
    Mayor Gia recently posted..What Did I Draw?My Profile

    • Jester Queen
      May 10, 2012

      Also, they probably won’t read it even if you do invite them. My husband and Dad read my blog. Sometimes my in-laws. My mother? For all she knows, I’m telling all her most embarrassing parrothead stories. HA. Maybe I just will. Muahaha.

  2. Jester Queen
    May 10, 2012

    Thanks for letting me come play in your corner of the web! It’s funny, my own first reaction was “shit, why did I say two” and I had to get halfway through before I remembered “oh I did the number thing on purpose!”

    • Lynn
      May 10, 2012

      i was impressed with the flowcharts

  3. […] I have a hilarious guest post up on Lynn’s blog, All Fooked Up today. I actually first came to All Fooked Up because another blogger did a guest post. When […]

  4. Susie
    May 10, 2012

    Uh, okay….. that actually was helpful. Nice thanks :)

    • Jester Queen
      May 10, 2012

      Wow! That’s kind of scary, in a funny way. Actually, I’m glad it helped. There is useful information in there. It was mostly the kind of thinking that goes on inside my own head, down to an internal heckler who cannot be pleased!

  5. Melanie
    May 10, 2012

    Your charts hurt my head. I am thinking now trying to actually follow them was a mistake. haha. Very entertaining post. Thanks.

    When I started blogging again I sent the link to very few friends. Some of them read and some don’t. I tend to never write anything that I would care about anyone seeing. People find it a little uncomfortable when they say, “I heard you said _______” and I simply answer with, “Yes, and?”

    • Jester Queen
      May 11, 2012

      Yeah – I really do try to be careful of others’ feelings. I’m about as subtle as a brick, so I don’t always get it RIGHT, but I don’t want people feeling awkward about reading my blog!

  6. Missy | Literal Mom
    May 10, 2012

    Jessie – so good to see you here! I love All Fooked Up, as you know. Thanks for the shout out too!

    • Jester Queen
      May 11, 2012

      Without you, I’d never have found Lynn, and that would have been incredibly tragic. The lady makes me LAUGH.

  7. Annabelle
    May 10, 2012

    I love the flow charts. They remind me of my own decisionmaking process more than they should.

    • Jester Queen
      May 11, 2012

      No kidding. My brain runs around in these crazy circles where A leads to N (or was that J?) and then heads back to X to start over again.

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