This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

Go ahead, amuse me Julie Frueh

 

Todays guest on Go ahead, amuse me is Julie Frueh.  She is not a blogger but is a most faithful reader!  Hope you enjoy her!

Lynn,

I am going to attempt to amuse you simply by introducing myself.  All you know about me is that I am a faithful reader and we disagree on college basketball.I’m going to sum up the last several years starting with the night I fell asleep on the family room couch.  You know how when you wake up in the middle of the night to pee ~ but you don’t really ‘wake up’?  You do the sleep/stumble/stagger to the bathroom.  Well, I did exactly that.  Only problem was, I didn’t start from my bed, rather the couch.  I woke up as I was falling down the basement stairs.  (We have since installed a door WITH a lock.)Needless to say I woke up mid fall and landed in a heap at the bottom of the steps.  It was pitch black, I was completely disoriented, thought someone was trying to kill me and I had to pee like a mother fooker.

It felt like forever but I got my bearings and realized that I was in the basement.  I turned the light on and went upstairs.  The master bedroom is on the first floor and how The Mister didn’t hear the thud, thud, bang of me tumbling/careening down the stairs to this day, amazes me.  I turned on the bedroom light and blinded him into consciousness at which point I started to sob and said, “I think I hurt myself”.  He, in a deeply loving and caring voice said, “Huh?  Turn the fooking light off! I’m sleeping!” (Sigh, our love for each other knows no bounds.)

The following morning I did go to the ER because my hand hurt.  Fortunately the night before (after turning the light off so The Mister could get back to sleep) I had the foresight to take off my rings.  Turned out I had broken a teeny bone in my hand.  No big whoop.

Fast forward a few years (2009 to be exact) and my left ankle and foot started swelling on and off with no apparent rhyme or reason.  Then it began to hurt.  My MD and I began to wonder if it had anything to do with the fall a few YEARS earlier.  Yup.  I had unknowingly been walking on a broken foot for around four and a half years. [Personal note to you- this is in no way a reflection of my UK education!  lol ]

Fast forward again to August of this year.  I was at the tail end of my recovery from foot surgery #3.  Yes, you read that correctly.

****Side Note- Late in 2009 The Mister lost his job.  Although I work full time (in health care) my job offers no medical insurance.  Trust me, the irony of that is not lost on me.  It took him 6 months to find something and those months of COBRA payments forced me to learn appreciation for wine in a box.  I still carry the shame.  The job he finally found was 2000 miles away.

After very little discussion (see above, COBRA payments), he took the job.  Our one and only <slightly flawed because I am her mother, but otherwise perfect> child was soon to begin her Senior Year in high school and even I wasn’t evil enough to even consider pulling her out and moving.  So The Mister went off to the new health insurance, I mean job.   ****End Side Note

Back to this August ~ August 21st to be exact.  The Child and I decided it was time for me to get out of the house and have a little fun.  We went to my sister and brother in laws vacation place for a day boating.  Let me assure you, the AirCast foot boot/bathing suit combo is a look that will one day grace the pages of Vogue.  It was a beautiful day and I was every dermatologist’s dream, sunning myself on the bow of the boat

And then it happened.

We hit a wave that came from no where that sent me a foot and a half into the air.  My picture perfect, just what I needed day came to a screeching halt.

I left the marina in an ambulance (a first for me at age 48) and returned home many, many hours later with a compression fracture in my back (L1, if you care).

It’s nice to finally be able to accessorize  the boot with an equally ugly gray back brace.  They compliment each other nicely.

I look like I just returned from a tour of duty and all I did was leave the house for one fucking (there, I said it) day.

So Lynn, that’s me.  Julie, one of your faithful readers.

I’ll end with 2 points that I’d like to make.

1.  Ever since the day I fell down the stairs, I’ve found something DAILY that has made me laugh so hard I almost wet my pants.  To stay on the safe side, I Keegle all the time.  I’m also considering buying some stock in Depends, just in case.

2.  This was written after a 3 (OK, 4) Bloody Mary lunch with my girl friends whom I could not live without.  They are my oxygen.  And they are all hilarious.

Nice to meet you.

Julie S. Frueh

Go ahead, amuse me is a weekly posting I will be having featuring another funny blogger.  Or maybe not a blogger … you could just be a funny person.  So, if you would like to be featured all you have to do is email me at allfookedup@gmail.comand send me a funny post.  If I AGREE that it’s funny, I’ll simply put up your post with a short intro that you write so that my readers will check out your blog.  Of course, you also need to put up a link to my blog saying that you’re being featured over here.

See? WIN-WIN … hope to hear from you … or not!

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20 Comments

  1. By Word of Mouth Musings
    November 10, 2011

    Lovely to meet you Julie .. now just to let you know, we are not really Bloody Mary girls but we are girlfriends … and we are pretty hilarious. We excel at lunch, will not mock you for reconstructive support wear, but will call you out for surreptitious kegels … nothing puts me off a good piece of meat as much as a gyrating crotch!
    By Word of Mouth Musings recently posted..Anissa Mayhew – ThankfulMy Profile

    • Lynn
      November 10, 2011

      good answer Nicole!!

    • Julie
      November 10, 2011

      Let me know when you’re free for lunch. I’ll be there.

  2. Troynoboy
    November 10, 2011

    Julie, nice to meet you. You made my morning. I kinda feel bad for laughing at your misfortune but… wait… no I don’t.

    • Julie
      November 10, 2011

      No problem ~ sympathy is so over rated.

  3. Julie
    November 10, 2011

    Oh My God, I’m fucking famous!! I have blogged!!!!!

    • Lynn
      November 10, 2011

      yeah..cuz appearing on my blog is BIG FUCKING DEAL!!! hahaha

  4. Katja Brown
    November 10, 2011

    So glad to hear that you broke your back AFTER the new health insurance kicked in ;)

    I am even more glad that you chose to “laugh off” the bad luck that you seem to have. Good to have girlfriends that you can commiserate with!

    • Julie
      November 10, 2011

      Katja – I really have been blessed with some wonderful friends. They take all the pain away, seriously.

  5. Pamela D Hart
    November 10, 2011

    Oh Julie, it’s so awesome that you can laugh it all off! I don’t ever want to wear a foot cast or a neck brace (especially at the same time) they wouldn’t match my purse!
    Pamela D Hart recently posted..Put On Your SarcasmMy Profile

    • Name *
      November 10, 2011

      Pamela, I think Julie went to great lengths to make sure her ghetto bag matched everything and nothing. I hope she blogs again and talks about the outfits and fancy shoes she has acquired!

      • Julie
        November 10, 2011

        Excuse me —- my purses are ghetto fabulous. I go to great lengths to find one more scary that the last.

  6. Sunshine....
    November 10, 2011

    Oh wow, to see it on paper puts things in a different perspective…You see, I work with and for her and it’s been ONE…I tell ya she has made lemonade out of lemons and still manages to make others around her smile…Now she’s Famous…I think I better read and write more often…COME ON LEMONS LET’S MAKE SOME LEMONADE…HAHAHA

    • Julie
      November 10, 2011

      Hey, now I know your alias. I would like some vodka in my lemonade please.

  7. Betsy
    November 10, 2011

    I love allfookedup, but this was hilarious. Sorry Julie, I don’t mean to laugh at your circumstance, only the visuals you described.
    I’m going to need more of this- The story is a sad, but hilarious one.
    Keep up the blogging!
    xxoo

    • Julie
      November 10, 2011

      The Child thinks I should start blogging. I might.

      And I want the world to know that Betsy is one of my main sources of oxygen.

  8. Emma
    November 10, 2011

    Mom I am your main source of oxygen!!
    And I’m serious when I say you should start a blog!

  9. Annie
    November 10, 2011

    Julie,
    Sorry to hear about all the medical issues but you are a funny writer. You should definitely have a blog. You’ve got some fans here! Thanks for the intro, Lynn.
    Annie recently posted..Midlife and the Great UnknownMy Profile

  10. Diane
    November 11, 2011

    Talk about the skunks….tell them about the skunks!

  11. AMY ZIMMERMAN
    November 12, 2011

    Sigh. If you can laugh at all you have been through, we can all take a lesson and laugh at our own lives and issues. You are my hero.

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