This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

Go ahead, amuse me Tina

Today’s guest on Go ahead, amuse me is Ribena of Ribena Musings and here’s her “about me” on her blog.

Obviously, my real name isn’t Ribena, my parents were not that cruel. I have a split personality, I behave and appear sane at work, but I have a tendency to leave my brain at work. I have a daughter who took all of my marbles at birth and has refused to give them back since so I make lots of lists of things I need to remember to do but frequently lose the list – okay, I don’t lose it, I put it in a safe place. I attract crazy pets – all 4 of them are weird and wonderful in their own way. My hubby is an oasis of calm and keeps me somewhat sane. We met 7 years ago. I used to be his boss but then I got another job and thought it was safe to show my true personality to my ex-colleagues and now he is stuck with me. He is the only man so far to be able to cope with my craziness and dare I say, he finds it rather endearing…. Beautiful B, by default, is conditioned as my biological child, to put up with me. I believe that she does not find me as embarrassing as she used to because I only dance and sing to Christmas songs in the supermarket once a year but that may just be wishful thinking.

 

Dreams can be wonderful things

 

I do not have that much of an imagination, though I can at least lose myself in a book or a film which is more than can be said of Hubby who openly admits that the last book he read from cover to cover was Mr. Bump and does not like watching films if there is anything remotely unrealistic in them.*

 

* Yes, he is that person who sits in the cinema whispering to his wife “Like THAT is ever going to happen…..” – in fact, he quite enjoyed Die Hard 4 until Bruce Willis decided to walk on the F14 wing and it apparently ruined the entire film for him.  He was also the person who went to see Avatar with his wife to be and then looked at her at the end of the film and said “Well, that is 3 hours of my life I will never get back.”  Philistine!  I say just go with it!

 

I have some weird and wonderful dreams but usually they are related to something I have watched or read therefore I have to ask myself – do I have an imagination or am I piggy backing on someone else’s….

 

Take as examples in point:

 

  • Zombie Vampire Babies

 

Yes they do exist….but only in my head.  This dream was at a time where Hubby had given up asking me if I slept well for fear of a sentence that started “Well……here’s the thing…..”

 

I dreamt I was on a cruise ship; which was precariously perched on the edge of a cliff (I KNOW, why?!).  I have no idea how it got there and I really don’t care.  However, I was more interested in the team of zombies that were making their way to the cliff and not slowly mind like on The Walking Dead!

 

Somehow, a wall of fire appeared in front of the cruise ship giving me and my good friend T time to try and find another way out.  So…we leg it around the ship sharpish and I open a door and say “In here” (like they do on all good films).  Alas, the room had no windows; not even a little round hole like you are supposed to see on ships and T was very upset by this.  Was I? Of course not and do you want to know why?

 

Well!  There was a petri dish next to a magnifier which caught my interest.  I still, to this day, have no idea why it would be on a cruise ship but I was intrigued and leant over it to be nosy.  Forget the fact that there was no way to escape the zombie nation if they found us in that room because there were little zombie vampire babies growing in those Petri dishes and they look so so cute!

 

T is shouting “Are you kidding me?”

I’m saying “Ah yes, but look how cute they look with their little baby vampire fangs and bald heads.”

Then “And look T, they are growing quite fast.”

T is shouting back “Well, yes and what do you think they are going to do when they get big enough to jump out of that dish?!  I’ll tell you what they are going to do; they are going to start eating you from the feet up!”

 

As amusing as I found this dream, though admittedly Hubby found it rather disturbing, even I have to admit that the film was related, in some small way, to I am Legend which I had been watching a day or two before – hence, the zombies that move at speed and the wall of fire.  Alas, there wasn’t a Will Smith in sight, not a one – though he would have distracted me almost as much as the zombie vampire babies and then we would have been doomed.

 

  • Mission Impossible Lawn Escapade

 

We have a small house, mind you most UK homes are small compared some US ones and so it’s not unusual for me to be screeching at Beautiful B to turn her music down or for Hubby to request that I shut the bedroom door if I am going to insist on watching TV above volume 9 – he has bat hearing!

 

So, one night Beautiful B stalks in our room and requests rather snootily that if we were going to start “messing around” would we mind doing it quietly because “urgh”.  At which point, Hubby points at me and says “Does it look like we are playing “messing around?”  Bear in mind, that conversation is third hand because I wasn’t awake, no I was asleep laughing manically in my sleep like a demented person.

 

Firstly, the question has to be asked what sort of relationship does Beautiful B think we have if me laughing manically makes her think that we are “messing around?” …but I digress.

 

Secondly, what was I dreaming about?

 

Picture a lawn, an expansive lawn with security lights potted about all over the lawn those with a spike on the end that you just sink into the ground.  Ignore the fact that it would just look daft and there is no good reason that they would potted all over the lawn at regular intervals.  Now imagine that their lights turn on every time they sense movement.  Then picture a miniature me, Hubby and Beautiful B’s – I know its hard because unless you personally know me (unlikely as people I know don’t know this blog exists) or you have read my back entries if you have happened across this blog and seen a rare photo.

 

So for some reason we are mini people and we are trying to stealthily find our way across this lawn for….I have no reason peeps, none at all, it obviously seemed like a good idea at the time.  So to the tune of Mission Impossible I am leading a raid on a house beyond the lawn by trying to get across the lawn without activating the sensors that switch on the lights.

 

I am weaving my way across the lawn, this way and that, in a crouching motion – which was hilarious at the time because I was BIG and crouching while moving would have hurt my quadriceps something rotten and I was more likely to just collapse in the middle of the lawn!  For some reason, I found this highly amusing in my sleep.  I am guessing that some part of my sub-conscious was telling me it was a dream but finding it highly amusing deemed that I should remain asleep to enjoy it.

 

For those of you with children, you might recognise this dream from that animated film Over The Hedge which again, I had watched the day before.

 

So you see, whilst I have an imagination and thoroughly enjoy it, I fear that I only have such imagination with the initial assistance of others.  I’m not complaining though, as it is a ton of fun.

 

I could tell you about the tiny aliens that live in my head but technically they are not part of a dream and therefore that is a post for another day….

Go ahead, amuse me is a weekly posting I will be having featuring another funny blogger.  Or maybe not a blogger … you could just be a funny person.  So, if you would like to be featured all you have to do is email me at allfookedup@gmail.com and send me a funny post.  If I AGREE that it’s funny, I’ll simply put up your post with a short intro that you write so that my readers will check out your blog.  Of course, you also need to put up a link to my blog saying that you’re being featured over here.

 

See? WIN-WIN … hope to hear from you … or not!

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3 Comments

  1. Mayor Gia
    June 28, 2012

    Ha! Very odd dreams. Zombie vampire babies are gonna be in that new Twilight movie, no? :P
    Mayor Gia recently posted..Mosquito Bites: Sunrash’s Ugly CousinMy Profile

  2. Jester Queen
    June 28, 2012

    My kids laugh in their sleep. And they have these wickedly funny conversations. My daughter tries to explain herself (without really waking up) and I’ll ask, “Who were you just yelling at,” and she’ll tell me, “God, that GUY over there Mom!” in this teenaged ‘DUH can’t you see the madman in the corner???’ voice. My husband just snores.

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