This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

Go ahead, amuse me Venus

 

Hi there!  This week my guest on Go ahead, amuse me is Venus of I‘m not writing a novel.  Please go over and check her out and meanwhile, here’s what she has to say about herself!

Hi, I’m Venus.  Yes, Venus.  If that’s still really throwing you, you may read more about my name here and here.  OK, now that that’s out of the way… I blog, randomly, sometimes awesomely, sometimes forgettably.  Shit happens.  Shit or awesomeness, it all goes down at  I’m not writing a novel, come take a peek sometime.  My thanks to Lynn for providing this awesomely funny forum!

 

Narcotics Are Funny
————————————-

Actually, anesthesiologists are funny.  At least, the ones *I* get tend to be.  (un?)Fortunately, they’ve always got me so jacked up on drugs that I never remember their names, and therefore never can thank them properly (e.g.: thank-you note, shout-out on my blog, twitter stalk…).

Anesthesiologists are unsung heroes.

As are really good phlebotomists, but I digress.

Today I had outpatient surgery on my shoulder.  This involved first getting a nerve-block on that arm so that I wouldn’t feel the work being done.  Dr. A (Get it?  “A” for “anesthesiologist”? I’m bloody brilliant.) first gave me a “martini” of a sedative and then did his thing with needles and happy-juice to make my arm go away.  And he was FABULOUS.  My arm disappeared so thoroughly to my consciousness that, until he called my attention to it (I had been distracted by my husband saying something terribly funny which I was going to put into this post but has since gone the way of anesthesia oblivion), I had completely failed to notice that he was lifting it up and bending it all around.  When he made a puppet-like mouth with my closed fist and thumb a la Senor Wences I would have fallen over laughing if I weren’t strapped to a gurney.

Now that I’m home I have to be my own Dr. Feelgood, though luckily I’ve been provided with adequate pharmaceutical ammo.

Ammo that leaves me able to REALLY enjoy re-runs of Pop-Up-Video on VH1 Classic that normally just make me yawn.  I mean, come on, who DOESN’T burn to know that Nene of “99 Luftballons” fame was named after Nina Simone, or that Def Leppard were “arma”gettin’-some under their stage during concerts in the 90’s???

Meanwhile, I appear to be completely unable to set an alarm on my phone.  See, I’m *supposed* to be icing for 20 minutes, then not for another 40… lather, rinse, repeat.  Except that my Windows-OS phone (which can only have wet dreams of being an iPhone) doesn’t come with a fucking timer app!  Nope, just alarms.  So here I am, totally stoned and really pissed that I’m missing pop-ups about Whitesnake, and desperately trying to do math.  “OK. it’s 8:40… that means 40 minutes from now is 9:40… no no NO!”

And of course I could probably download a timer app, but that would require me to put in the password I recently changed to get to Windows-f’ing-Marketplace.  Yeah, the stellar I’m-such-a-geek-this-is-the-safest-bad-ass-password-ever password with two K’s and a silent “q” that’s nearly impossible to hammer out on my phone’s keypad when I have two sober hands available, let alone when I have one that’s flying high on meds and Martika.

Speaking of which.  My phone’s alarm just went off, which either means I’m late for ice, or for not icing, or for something else equally important which has completely slipped my addlepated brain.  Perhaps like taking more meds.

Cheers, this Lortab and the infectious-only-when-you’re-medicated visuals of Wham’s “Wake me up before yo go-go” are for you.

Go ahead, amuse me is a weekly posting I will be having featuring another funny blogger.  Or maybe not a blogger … you could just be a funny person.  So, if you would like to be featured all you have to do is email me at allfookedup@gmail.com and send me a funny post.  If I AGREE that it’s funny, I’ll simply put up your post with a short intro that you write so that my readers will check out your blog.  Of course, you also need to put up a link to my blog saying that you’re being featured over here.

 

See? WIN-WIN … hope to hear from you … or not!

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7 Comments

  1. Jessie Powell
    March 1, 2012

    I would think that Martika would be more appropriate for the aftercrash And the guy who did my epidural when I had my daughter? Best friend. Except I can’t remember his fucking name.

  2. Julie
    March 1, 2012

    I am HOWLING!! And I can totally relate. I had foot surgery in 2009, 2010 and 2011. The meds were SOO much fun! When I came home from the last one, I left the hospital higher than I imagine Janis Joplin ever got. My daughter left for her Senior Prom 4 hours later. The pictures are priceless!

    PS Lynn, please STOP these Thursday Amuse Me posts. I now do nothing at work except sign in and start reading blogs. And now Venus has been added into the mix. I blame you.

  3. Gutmeister
    March 1, 2012

    There’s nothing better than fantastic legally administered narcotics and good natured anesthesiologists. I wish I had more friends with access to these drugs, it’d make life much more interesting and tolerable.

  4. Alex Fatcow
    March 1, 2012

    The idea of being under anesthesia used to scare me but it really works so good…

  5. Liz
    March 1, 2012

    Love those anesthesiologists! The only time I had surgery I was 16 (otherwise known as a really long time ago). The drugs were just supposed to make it all go away, not completely sedate me, but nonetheless, I was OUT! The doc told my mom it was a good indicator that I didn’t do drugs! :)
    Liz recently posted..Oscars 2012 Fashion – Part 2My Profile

  6. Lady Estrogen
    March 1, 2012

    Ohhh, I love them!
    I find they enjoy my honest narcotic-induced observations and giggles when going under and coming too.
    I have seen them crack a smile or two, trying not to laugh at my ridiculousness.
    Yay, narcotics!
    Lady Estrogen recently posted..Hey Mama, Just My LuckMy Profile

  7. Robbie
    March 2, 2012

    I had anesthesia when I pulled out my wisdom teeth. I couldn’t fell anything after an injection. Definitely good stuff! But almost bite my own tongue when eating…
    Robbie recently posted..Top Tips on how to pick Women upMy Profile

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