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In which Andie disses me and i diss her right back

Today, January 20th is Andie MacDonald’s 20th birthday.  In honor of said birthday, I am going to tell a “typical Andie story to you”.   I hope you enjoy it!

Sometimes I just wish there was some type of telepathic connect between my brain and this computer.  Thoughts about stories strike me at the oddest times, and when I tell the story in my head, it always seems to be so much better than when I finally put it down on paper.  Maybe it’s because I’m a better storyteller than a “story writer”.  I’m not sure, but for whatever reason, by the time I sit down I’ve lost most of the salient points.  But I shall endeavor to tell you this story anyways.

When Andie and Daniel were younger, they went to summer camp up in the mountains of North Carolina.  They would go for four weeks from the end of June through the end of July.  Keely didn’t go because she was a year round swimmer and, of course, summer is her peak season.  She reveled in being an only child and she and I spent more than our fair share of the time roasting at swim meets.

When Andie was about 12, we picked her and Daniel up at their respective camps and brought them home.  We went out to a “family meal” as it had been quite a while since we were all together.  Daniel was normally “mute” about his summers at camp.  I’m not sure if this is because he couldn’t, or wouldn’t talk about it.  At any rate, Andie would run a monologue about her summer experiences and was pretty hyped up.

Of course, we finished with the inevitable “did you miss me” conversation.  My kids seem to think that their father and I can’t survive without them, perhaps because I’m always asking them if they missed me.  So I ask Andie if she missed me and she said “not really.”  I then ask her “Why, don’t you think I’m a great mom?” and she replies “probably about a 3 on a 1 to 10 scale”.  Yeah, you heard me.  She gave me a 3.  So we get into a conversation about what type of mother I am. 

Me:                 “Do you think I’m fun?”

Andie:             “I’d give you about a 3.”

Me:                 “Do you think I’m creative?”

Andie:             “I’d give you about a 3.”

Me:                 “Do you think I’m smart?”

Andie:             “I’d give you about a 3.”

Me:                 “Do you think I’m a good listener?”

Andie:             “I’d give you about a 3.”

Me:                 “But how about how I take care of you when you’re sick?”

Andie:             “I’d give you about a 3.”

By now, the whole family is throwing questions about me and my mothering abilities at Andie and, of course, the answer is always “I’d give you about a 3.”  By this point, we have left the restaurant and we have just walked into Carvel for ice cream.  As this is July in North Carolina, Carvel is pretty darn crowded.  Somebody asks Andie another question about my mothering abilities and she says, “I’d give you about a 3”.

So, I responded:          “That’s okay Andie, out of my three kids, I love you the least!”

We crack up.  All of us.  Andie and I are laughing so hard we are doubled over but I look up and there’s a lady starring at me, APALLED.  See, she had only heard the last line which was, in her mind, some lady telling her child that she loved her least of her three children.  I check around and apparently we had been talking so loud that the entire line was staring at us.  Of course, this just made it even funnier … so we kept laughing even harder.

So, that’s the story of Andie and her mother.  Well, would you give it a 3 on a 1-10 scale?

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14 Comments

  1. Charlene Long
    January 20, 2011

    That was great. I love it when people draw conclusions based on the last statement said. Makes me laugh.

    • Lynn
      January 20, 2011

      Thanks for reading…yeah, that was the best part of the story. I had lunch with Andie yesterday and we were laughing about how shocked people were. That’s how our family functions…mean teasing but with love.

  2. Lori
    January 20, 2011

    Happy Birthday to your daughter. Laughter shared in families is the very best and being able to laugh like this together is one of ties that bind you together. Here’s to many more years of sharing laughter with your beautiful family!

    • Lynn
      January 20, 2011

      Yeah…we have a LOT of laughs in this family because we live having silly conversations…

  3. Theta Mom
    January 20, 2011

    Happy Birthday to her!! Here’s to many more moments of laughter together!!!

    • Lynn
      January 20, 2011

      Why thank you. I just went to see her yesterday down at Duke and we laughed about this story together. We have had so many funny conversations…it’s all about the funny!

  4. Kimberly
    January 20, 2011

    What I love most about this story is I can picture that woman’s face. She was probably all pinched and uptight and well versed in superiority.

    And the fact that Andie never once wavered from her initial assessment of a “3”…I think most kids would have eventually started giving higher numbers just to get you to stop asking ;)

    • Lynn
      January 20, 2011

      Having done a horrific job raising my kis X 3, they are NOTHING if not brutal to their mom. But yesterday, after she emailed me a paper to read that she wrote at school, she admitted she kinda, sorta loved me but that she would ” never admit it” which is what I always tell them. I say to them that “I love them, but would never admit it in public”

  5. Emma Jayne
    January 20, 2011

    I love it! I think we’ve all wanted to say such a thing but the great thing is that Andie laughed with you. Trust me, darling, when she is a mom she’ll come running back to you for advice on how to be a good mother. Do you think it makes up for years of abuse from our daughters?

    Nah…me niether.

    • Lynn
      January 20, 2011

      well, we discussed it yesterday and we were laughing about it. Last night she admitted that she loved me, although she CLEARLY stated that she would deny that if questioned. HAHAHA…thanks for reading

  6. vodkamom@gmail.com
    January 20, 2011

    I am SINGING right now!!! and I wish her many, many more. xoxoxo

    • Lynn
      January 20, 2011

      Thanks…I can’t believe that I have two kids in their twenties.

  7. Gloria
    January 23, 2011

    Hi Lynn,

    Happy (belated) Birthday to Andie!!
    What a lovely, affectionate and funny story!

    Trust me, most of the kids wouldn’t want to admit that they love their parents, ”it’s not cool”. But the fact that your raised your kids with humour and laughter in their life will make it so much easier for them to face difficulties, I can assure you.

    And what was that about you not being able to write your stories as well as you tell them? Don’t say that again, I am sure I’m not the only one who enjoys reading your stories, which are always excellently written! Most of the time I’m on the floor hugging my belly!!!

    xxG

    • Lynn
      January 23, 2011

      Thanks so much for the comment. Andie and I have a secret thing we do where we tell each other that we love them BUT…we would deny it if questioned!! Andie stool says I’m a 3! I appreciate the kudos on my storytelling…uranium for fans!

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