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In which Daniel didn’t do his job

dearoprah

Dear Daniel,

 

I’m afraid I have some bad news for you.  You see you’re going to need to drop out of college.  The first time I told you that you needed to drop out of school was when your father and I discovered that you were neglecting your numero uno chore which was taking out the garbage on Sunday nights.

 

When you protested that you lived in another town we agreed that was a good excuse and we picked up the slack for you.  Well, I should say that your father picked up the slack in that he normally takes out the garbage now.  I do, however, bring the cans back to the house on Monday morning so its not like I don’t do anything.

 

This time you crossed the line.  Apparently, sometime last night, your little kitty cat Butterscotch decided to go on a grand adventure outside.  As you know, she normally doesn’t ever go outside when it’s the least bit cold but somehow she snuck out last evening.

 

I didn’t discover this until this morning when I took Tucker out.  There, meowing in that peculiar silent style she has, was Butterscotch looking terrified.  I don’t blame her because she is the smallest cat ever and would be a yummy morsel to the many large birds that live around here.  How would you feel about your cat being breakfast??

 

Of course, I felt awful but isn’t it your job to make sure she’s inside when you go to bed?  Did you check last night? Because your father and I just put food in her bowl and assumed she was snug in one of the one million locations within the house she likes to sleep in.

 

I know you’re thinking, “Wait, this isn’t fair” or some such thing.  I get it that you’re trying to get an education but lets face it, I got one and it sure as hell didn’t do much for me.

 

Do you want to be responsible for having your cat eaten?  That’s what happens when NOBODY makes sure that she’s inside at night.  I kept three kids alive (Keely barely I grant you), 1 dog, 2 fish and 3 cats (mostly … 2 are dead now but that wasn’t my fault) and you want me to make sure that the cat you picked out, possibly the least groomed cat on earth, doesn’t get eaten?

 

I cry foul (or some other such phrase) and that’s the reason why you need to be back home.  Have you considered commuting because it’s simply too much for your father and I to be in charge of this tiny, yet incredibly inconsiderate, animal?

 

Well, that’s all I have to say.  I feel much better now.  Butterscotch is fast asleep in the sun probably dreaming of her horrific night skulking outside.  I hope you’re happy.

 

Mom

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4 Comments

  1. Julie
    April 10, 2013

    ‘I get that you’re trying to get an education but lets face it, I got one and it sure as hell didn’t do much for me.’
    Priceless.
    Fucking priceless!!

    • Lynn
      April 10, 2013

      Julie…you might like me more than my family

  2. Jester Queen
    April 10, 2013

    Oh Lynne, I do love you. That’s hilarious.

    • Lynn
      April 10, 2013

      hee! thanks

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