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In which Daniel Sucks

Do you guys remember that I used to have a son named Daniel? I mean, I vaguely do … remember that is.  Back in the day, I mean way back in the day before cellphones, we (my brothers and myself) all had to call home once a week to let our parents know we were alive.


This was before not only cellphones but email and such.  So every Sunday my parents would talk to my brother and then they’d talk to me.  Beyond the normal gab of what was up in my life they’d ask me what was going on in Bruce’s life.  That’s because he told me but he answered almost everything my parents asked with the word “fine.”


“How is school going?”          “fine”

“How is swimming going?”   “fine”

“are you getting enough to eat?”    “yes”

(actually, that’s not the word fine but you get the drift right?)


So I told Daniel that I expected AT A MINIMUM to hear from him on a weekly basis not to mention that he would need to talk football with his dad for two reasons. First of all, Kevin is going to die without his weekly football companion and second of all (did I tell you guys this?) we’re going up to spend the day at ESPN in December and Daniel can’t embarrasses himself by not knowing shit about football.  (Fuck school right?)


So, where was I? Oh yeah, once a week.  Daniel left for pre-orientation on August 13th and it was pretty quiet around here.  Needless to say, while in the program I didn’t hear from him.  I did hear from him the day before I was due to bring him his stuff.  Yeah, he had a list of “things he had forgotten and needed” so of course he sent that.


We moved him in on August 21st and it’s now September 5th.  I have heard from him three times.  Would you like to know about that?


Time One


The phone rings and its Daniel.


Me:                  hey there

Daniel:            Mom, what’s the address of that place I’m supposed to go to today?

Me:                  it’s on Oregon Street

Daniel:            ok, thanks mom.  See ya


Time Two


Me:                  hello

Daniel:            Mom, can I just throw my button downs in the washing machine?

Me:                  yeah, but they’ll get wrinkled

Daniel:            Ok, thanks mom.  See ya


Time Three (By the way, I’m at Dragon Con when this happens)


Me:                  hello

Daniel:            Mom, do you know where my lacrosse cleats are?

Me:                  what? Are you at home?

Daniel:            yeah. And I can’t find my lacrosse stuff

Me:                  but it’s a Monday morning.  Don’t you have school?

Daniel:            they’re in that silver bag

Me:                  did you look in the garage?

Daniel:            yeah

Me:                  did you look in your cubby?

Daniel:            yeah

Me:                  did you look in your room?

Daniel:            I’m there now

Me:                  well, I have no clue then

Daniel:            I found them

Me:                  how are you doing?

Daniel:            thanks mom, I have to go

And there you are.  How is school going? Is he meeting people? Has he set up his extended time? Does he like his courses?


I have no fucking clue.  Here’s what I know.  He’s doing laundry.  He’s obviously playing club lacrosse.


Thanks Daniel for keeping me informed.

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  1. Jenna Graham
    September 12, 2012

    I just like your conversations with Daniel. He must be meeting people somehow, though he doesn’t say it.
    Jenna Graham recently posted..Kim Kardashian Tape NewsMy Profile

    • Lynn
      September 12, 2012

      hahaha…he’s doing something for sure. just not speaking to me about it

  2. Tina
    September 12, 2012

    Must be a bloke thing, Lynn. My hubby is the epitomy of a man with few words. Good job I can mind read or at least face read.

    Having a daughter I can’t relate completely as she is talkative; to the point that a story that can be told in 3 sentances takes half an hour while she goes around the houses and whole background. On the days she is quiet, I feel lost – almost like something is missing; on those days I can relate.

    I dread to think what I will be like when she moves out; you know after all the celebrating at the additional space, less mess and less weird music….
    Tina recently posted..To the point….My Profile

    • Lynn
      September 12, 2012

      right? i knew when the girls met people, had classes, took tests…Daniel is required to call weekly but he calls his dad

  3. Jester Queen
    September 12, 2012

    Sounds like college is going just about perfectly for him, then, I guess. If it weren’t, he’d be asking for things besides laundry and cleats. I love that he came home WHEN YOU WERE GONE to look for something. Sigh. Kids.

    • Lynn
      September 12, 2012

      i know right???

  4. Julie
    September 12, 2012

    As you may recall, The Queen (my daughter) just started her second year at the local community college. As much as I adore her, a part of me is green with envy that you have the ‘opportunity’ to miss Daniel. Sometimes I wonder if she is ever going to leave . . . ?

    • Lynn
      September 12, 2012

      hahaha…we all want what we don’t have

  5. Pamela D Hart
    September 12, 2012

    At least you got phone CALLS and could hear his voice, even it it was about laundry and cleats. Mine sends me texts…I HATE texting and he knows it!


    Need I say (or write) more?
    Pamela D Hart recently posted..Flying Hot PantsMy Profile

    • Lynn
      September 12, 2012


  6. FFW
    September 12, 2012

    You are totally breaking my heart—and who knows if my kids will ever even get into a college?

    • Lynn
      September 12, 2012

      is that a sarcastic remark? or is it real? I’m sure most people can get into some college somewhere.

      • FFW
        September 12, 2012

        My kids are going to need to get by on their looks, if their current grades are any indication. And, we will certainly have to shelve the concept of turning their bedrooms into fitness rooms, as well-they may never leave.

        At least I won’t have tons of student loans for them to default on?

        • Lynn
          September 12, 2012

          hahaha…i was lucky because all my kids worked hard. Hope things improve!

  7. kathykate
    September 12, 2012

    my kid only calls to complain … itchy hands. Annoying teacher. Stolen laptop. Needs an lip wax. Bitch, bitch, bitch, then — I gotta go with quick hang up. Just sayin’, evasiveness is not gender specific!

    • Lynn
      September 12, 2012

      oh…i was just talking about my son. My daughter calls a LOT

  8. WebSavvyMom
    September 12, 2012

    –>When I was in college email was a new thing and we didn’t have cell phones. Every time my Mom called I was staying at my boyfriend’s so I told my roommate, no matter what, tell her I’m in THE LIBRARY STUDYING. She saw my grades and knew that I had been LYING.

    • Lynn
      September 12, 2012

      same here…i had to call home every sunday

  9. marrymeknot
    September 12, 2012

    Well, I guess the silver lining in this would be that he still comes to you knowing you have answers. I think the hardest part for my parents were when I stopped asking, and they interpreted it as stopped needing. It’s always a touch and go but at 32 I still need them, just not as often and for altogether different reasons.

    • Lynn
      September 12, 2012

      awww…great explanation

  10. Annabelle
    September 14, 2012

    Ha ha. Boy, that sounds like just about every teenaged guy I’ve ever known. I’d be surprised if my parents got that much out of my brother in the first few weeks.

  11. SP
    September 16, 2012

    I went to college 120km away, in 1982 where there no email, text or cellphones and phoning home meant using one of three payphones in the dorm. I wrote letters. What happened to that?

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