This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!
Do you guys remember that I used to have a son named Daniel? I mean, I vaguely do … remember that is. Back in the day, I mean way back in the day before cellphones, we (my brothers and myself) all had to call home once a week to let our parents know we were alive.
This was before not only cellphones but email and such. So every Sunday my parents would talk to my brother and then they’d talk to me. Beyond the normal gab of what was up in my life they’d ask me what was going on in Bruce’s life. That’s because he told me but he answered almost everything my parents asked with the word “fine.”
“How is school going?” “fine”
“How is swimming going?” “fine”
“are you getting enough to eat?” “yes”
(actually, that’s not the word fine but you get the drift right?)
So I told Daniel that I expected AT A MINIMUM to hear from him on a weekly basis not to mention that he would need to talk football with his dad for two reasons. First of all, Kevin is going to die without his weekly football companion and second of all (did I tell you guys this?) we’re going up to spend the day at ESPN in December and Daniel can’t embarrasses himself by not knowing shit about football. (Fuck school right?)
So, where was I? Oh yeah, once a week. Daniel left for pre-orientation on August 13th and it was pretty quiet around here. Needless to say, while in the program I didn’t hear from him. I did hear from him the day before I was due to bring him his stuff. Yeah, he had a list of “things he had forgotten and needed” so of course he sent that.
We moved him in on August 21st and it’s now September 5th. I have heard from him three times. Would you like to know about that?
The phone rings and its Daniel.
Me: hey there
Daniel: Mom, what’s the address of that place I’m supposed to go to today?
Me: it’s on Oregon Street
Daniel: ok, thanks mom. See ya
Daniel: Mom, can I just throw my button downs in the washing machine?
Me: yeah, but they’ll get wrinkled
Daniel: Ok, thanks mom. See ya
Time Three (By the way, I’m at Dragon Con when this happens)
Daniel: Mom, do you know where my lacrosse cleats are?
Me: what? Are you at home?
Daniel: yeah. And I can’t find my lacrosse stuff
Me: but it’s a Monday morning. Don’t you have school?
Daniel: they’re in that silver bag
Me: did you look in the garage?
Me: did you look in your cubby?
Me: did you look in your room?
Daniel: I’m there now
Me: well, I have no clue then
Daniel: I found them
Me: how are you doing?
Daniel: thanks mom, I have to go
And there you are. How is school going? Is he meeting people? Has he set up his extended time? Does he like his courses?
I have no fucking clue. Here’s what I know. He’s doing laundry. He’s obviously playing club lacrosse.
Thanks Daniel for keeping me informed.