In which Daniel takes Asia

I wrote this post the other day and sent it to Andie for “edits.”  Her edits were so hilarious that I decided to keep them intact.  Then, SHE decided to start a “RIVAL” Blog that were simply my edits.  (Yeah, I know she’s insane) So, without further ado HERE is my original post (with my personal edits.) At the bottom there will be a LINK to Andie’s new blog All Fooked Up Rival (hahaha) with her edits.  You need to go there.  YOU DO!  It’s hilarious!!!

For someone who lives in a house full of fairly intelligent people, I certainly end up in more than my fair share of inane conversations.  Don’t get me wrong; I love these conversations and as Kevin put it the other day, “Lynn, I can certainly participate in these conversations but TRUST ME, I would never engage in them of my own volition.”

 

In other words, while he enjoys them and sometimes even STARTS them, he feels that the entire reason that they’re part of his existence is because of me.  That’s a good thing, right?

 

The end result, in my opinion, is that my kids have really good senses of humor, all 3 of them. I say all three because for a long time, Daniel couldn’t get a word in edgewise but this past year, without the girls around, Daniel has flourished.

 

Andie came home from Europe the other day and because it was July 4^th weekend, we’ve all been relaxing.  When we are just chilling, the conversation tends to be casual.

 

Because SOMEONE (I’m not saying it’s me but it could be) never went grocery shopping, we literally had nothing to eat for lunch on July 4^th so we made a game plan.  The four of us (Keely is still in Washington and I believe was out getting wasted at the time) went out to lunch and then we would go to the grocery store on the way home.

 

It seemed a good plan at the time but here’s what ensued.

 

Kevin, Andie, Daniel and I are in the car driving to Fresh Market.  It was a beautiful day and we wanted to get our stuff for the cookout and then go swimming in the pool therefore we were in a bit of a hurry.

 

Me:                  Ok, I think we should divide and conquer in Fresh Market.

 

Kevin:             I agree.

 

Me:                  I’ll take the milk aisle.  Yogurt, Milk, ice cream and the like.

 

Kevin:             I’ll take the salad ingredients.

 

Daniel:            I’ll take Asia.

 

Me:                  What?

 

Hahahaha…. And then we all cracked up because honestly, that was so damn funny.  ASIA?  What, are we playing Risk here?

 

So, we go to the store and I get my cart and start gathering stuff and Kevin gets his cart and starts gathering stuff and Daniel and Andie disappear although I can hear them laughing somewhere.  I go to get the shrimp (because we’re having BBQ shrimp on the grill) and I say:

 

Me:                  Daniel, go tell daddy to get some BBQ sauce

 

Daniel:            That doesn’t fall under Asia

 

Me:                  What?

 

Daniel:            If it was Teriyaki sauce I could probably tell him because that’s Asian

 

Andie:             More like South Pacific I think

 

Daniel:            Oh, that Teriyaki sauce says Hawaiian Teriyaki sauce anyways …

 

Me:                  Daniel …

 

Daniel:            Can’t do it mom…

 

Me:                  Jesus! Fine, tell daddy to get the shrimp and I’ll go get the BBQ sauce, can you do that?

 

So, I wander off and get the BBQ sauce and come back and there’s a watermelon and a tree in my cart.  YEAH, a topiary tree.

 

Me:                  What the hell is a tree doing in my cart?

 

Andie:             (she can’t speak, she’s laughing too hard) I said to dad that we should buy this tree and he said ok.

 

Me:                  What?

 

Andie:             Well, he didn’t say no.

 

Me:                  No way, how much is it?

 

Andie:             $24.99

 

Me:                  Get that damn tree out of my cart.

 

Andie:             well, the watermelon is an All-American thing to have …

 

Me:                  fine… I gotta go get something

 

So, I leave and I come back only to find the manager talking to Andie and Daniel with a gigantic WHEEL OF CHEESE in their cart while they’re falling all over the place laughing.

 

Me:                  Now what?

 

Andie              This wheel of cheese is $600!

 

Me:                  What?  WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?

 

Andie:                         (she can barely speak for laughing) Yeah I told Daniel to grab that wheel of cheese and the manager came over and said “there’s no price on that” and we said “how much is it?” and he said “$600.”

 

Me:                  Oh my god.  You guys were easier to contain when you were babies.

 

Andie:             Hey, that wheel over there is $1000.  You should be happy we didn’t want that one.

 

Me:                  I don’t want ANY OF THEM!  Put them back.

 

Daniel:            I can’t put them back.  That’s not under Asia.

 

SEE THE SHIT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE?

 

 

Go to All Fooked Up Rival to see Andie’s first post!