This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which Daniel takes Asia

Fresh Market

I wrote this post the other day and sent it to Andie for “edits.”  Her edits were so hilarious that I decided to keep them intact.  Then, SHE decided to start a “RIVAL” Blog that were simply my edits.  (Yeah, I know she’s insane) So, without further ado HERE is my original post (with my personal edits.) At the bottom there will be a LINK to Andie’s new blog All Fooked Up Rival (hahaha) with her edits.  You need to go there.  YOU DO!  It’s hilarious!!!

For someone who lives in a house full of fairly intelligent people, I certainly end up in more than my fair share of inane conversations.  Don’t get me wrong; I love these conversations and as Kevin put it the other day, “Lynn, I can certainly participate in these conversations but TRUST ME, I would never engage in them of my own volition.”


In other words, while he enjoys them and sometimes even STARTS them, he feels that the entire reason that they’re part of his existence is because of me.  That’s a good thing, right?


The end result, in my opinion, is that my kids have really good senses of humor, all 3 of them. I say all three because for a long time, Daniel couldn’t get a word in edgewise but this past year, without the girls around, Daniel has flourished.


Andie came home from Europe the other day and because it was July 4th weekend, we’ve all been relaxing.  When we are just chilling, the conversation tends to be casual.


Because SOMEONE (I’m not saying it’s me but it could be) never went grocery shopping, we literally had nothing to eat for lunch on July 4th so we made a game plan.  The four of us (Keely is still in Washington and I believe was out getting wasted at the time) went out to lunch and then we would go to the grocery store on the way home.


It seemed a good plan at the time but here’s what ensued.


Kevin, Andie, Daniel and I are in the car driving to Fresh Market.  It was a beautiful day and we wanted to get our stuff for the cookout and then go swimming in the pool therefore we were in a bit of a hurry.


Me:                  Ok, I think we should divide and conquer in Fresh Market.


Kevin:             I agree.


Me:                  I’ll take the milk aisle.  Yogurt, Milk, ice cream and the like.


Kevin:             I’ll take the salad ingredients.


Daniel:            I’ll take Asia.


Me:                  What?


Hahahaha…. And then we all cracked up because honestly, that was so damn funny.  ASIA?  What, are we playing Risk here?


So, we go to the store and I get my cart and start gathering stuff and Kevin gets his cart and starts gathering stuff and Daniel and Andie disappear although I can hear them laughing somewhere.  I go to get the shrimp (because we’re having BBQ shrimp on the grill) and I say:


Me:                  Daniel, go tell daddy to get some BBQ sauce


Daniel:            That doesn’t fall under Asia


Me:                  What?


Daniel:            If it was Teriyaki sauce I could probably tell him because that’s Asian


Andie:             More like South Pacific I think


Daniel:            Oh, that Teriyaki sauce says Hawaiian Teriyaki sauce anyways …


Me:                  Daniel …


Daniel:            Can’t do it mom…


Me:                  Jesus! Fine, tell daddy to get the shrimp and I’ll go get the BBQ sauce, can you do that?


So, I wander off and get the BBQ sauce and come back and there’s a watermelon and a tree in my cart.  YEAH, a topiary tree.


Me:                  What the hell is a tree doing in my cart?


Andie:             (she can’t speak, she’s laughing too hard) I said to dad that we should buy this tree and he said ok.


Me:                  What?


Andie:             Well, he didn’t say no.


Me:                  No way, how much is it?


Andie:             $24.99


Me:                  Get that damn tree out of my cart.


Andie:             well, the watermelon is an All-American thing to have …


Me:                  fine… I gotta go get something


So, I leave and I come back only to find the manager talking to Andie and Daniel with a gigantic WHEEL OF CHEESE in their cart while they’re falling all over the place laughing.


Me:                  Now what?


Andie              This wheel of cheese is $600!


Me:                  What?  WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?


Andie:                         (she can barely speak for laughing) Yeah I told Daniel to grab that wheel of cheese and the manager came over and said “there’s no price on that” and we said “how much is it?” and he said “$600.”


Me:                  Oh my god.  You guys were easier to contain when you were babies.


Andie:             Hey, that wheel over there is $1000.  You should be happy we didn’t want that one.


Me:                  I don’t want ANY OF THEM!  Put them back.


Daniel:            I can’t put them back.  That’s not under Asia.





Go to All Fooked Up Rival to see Andie’s first post!

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  1. Lady Estrogen
    July 11, 2011

    Awesome – and the edits were even funnier.
    Sorry, Lynn.

    • Lynn
      July 11, 2011

      No, no…I agree. The kid is hilarious

  2. KLZ
    July 11, 2011

    I’ll take Asia.

    I’m SO trying that with my husband. It’ll bomb but I’ll laugh.

    Although I bet it would work with my sister. Hmmm…

    • Lynn
      July 11, 2011

      I’ll be curious to see how it works. It was a very funny shopping trip.

  3. RCB
    July 11, 2011

    Well, it shows that Andie could be a true teacher – or editor, of course, the first one being less stressful than the second (contrary to popular belief), the second one being much better paid. As a student I never understood the logic behind a rule that Andie’s repeating in her post, and as a teacher I still freakin’ don’t: we need to spell out a number that’s less than ten. Could you tell Andie not to believe everything her teachers have told her? If they tell you to write “three”, you should always write “3” instead. You can always say you’re being more consistent. So here’s a post she (and maybe you, too, Lynn) might like:

    Take care, Lynn!

    • Lynn
      July 11, 2011

      I’ll be sure to check out the link. Andie would basically diss me no matter what I did…or said…or wrote…but she’s hilarious.

  4. Alison@Mama Wants This
    July 12, 2011

    Oh your kids are hilarious! Read AFUR, it is AWESOME.

    • Lynn
      July 12, 2011

      hey, thanks!

  5. Trinh
    July 12, 2011

    Love Andie’s comments! Stomach still hurting! BTW, I think Asia has its own aisle at FM.

    • Lynn
      July 12, 2011

      Ok, that comment was AWESOME!! you’re right, it does1

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