This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which fish shit where they live

 

I’m looking around my office and I can see that it’s summer, well almost summer.  The first indicator is the giant FISH TANK next to my computer.  You see, last year Andie agreed to take care of a fish.

 

She named him Gilgamesh and took him to school with her.  We all expected poor Gil to die within the week but amazingly he’s still alive.  Perhaps because he’s named after an epic character, I really don’t know.  I don’t even know if fish can read.  I do know that if I put a book in the water it would disintegrate so probably not.

 

At any rate, Andie went off to school with Gilgamesh and she found owning a fish stressful.  However, in October she went to the North Carolina State Fair and she won another fish that is named Hercules, Herc for short.  Hercules is a “carnie” as Andie informed me as he had grown up at a fair.  Now plenty of her friends also won fishes at the fair but alas, they all died but obviously Hercules was no ordinary fish.

 

He joined Gil and Andie realized that she needed a bigger bowl so she got this fish tank.  Trouble began when the two little fishes had to come home for Christmas break.  Over Thanksgiving, Andie found a local person to take care of the fish down at Duke but there was no way that would work for an entire month over Christmas.

 

So, home they came.  Unfortunately, fish don’t like driving no matter what they say in “one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish” (I believe this is the bible on “how fish behave”) and they both suffered from a severe case of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, heretofore referred to as PTSD.  They spent the next week on the bottom of the tank furtively looking around in a paranoid sort of way (this is speculation, as even I don’t know the true motivations of what fish do.  I know right?).  After a week or so they were back to normal.

 

Andie spent much time worrying about their new habit of swimming rapidly in circles and smashing into the glass.  My attitude was “what else do they have to do?”  So I was unconcerned. At any rate, after Christmas they went back to school where they are heroes for staying alive so long.  It takes so little to make fish owners happy I suppose.

 

This summer, Andie will be in New Orleans working so she asked me to take care of her fish.  They are next to my desk and I find the little motor for the filter to be a nice gentle hum.  The fish seem to be happy and neither my dog nor my cat seems particularly bothered by this.

 

The first morning I had them I realized that I didn’t have a clue how to take care of fish.  I mean I’ve never had a fish.  I asked Andie how much to feed them and she said “a quarter size amount” which, as it turns out, isn’t possible.  When you shake the food into the water a little teeny bit comes out so you shake it harder and then bam, a ton comes out.

 

I originally didn’t see the big deal in feeding them too much but then Andie informed me “fish shit like it’s their job”  and that they also “shit where they live” which seems both gross and stupid although I suppose, where the hell else can they shit? AMIRIGHT?

 

At any rate, after two days the water is already cloudy and I suppose the next step will be changing the filter.  Now, I already suck at changing my cat’s litter box and I’m perplexed at how such a small creature (my cat) can put out such copious amounts of shit so I’m in shock about the fish-shitting situation, especially as it will eventually mean I have to deal with changing out the tank water.

 

Nonetheless, I do enjoy coming in every morning and seeing how the two little heroes are doing.  I find it ironic that someone who has done such a crap job at parenting is now in charge of keeping 4 living things alive (not humans, they’re on their own).  I’m referred to my cat, my dog and now two fish.

 

Well, I just wanted to let you know all the daily stresses in my life and also, you know I like writing stupid posts.  I’ll let you know if they continue to live.

 

Have a nice day!

 

Lynn, Gilgamesh, Hercules, Tucker and Butterscotch

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11 Comments

  1. Jenkins
    May 22, 2012

    Life a continuous process in which we need to face every challenge of our life, by this we are able to developed our self to become a worth effective person…
    Jenkins recently posted..Guest house PaigntonMy Profile

  2. Jester Queen
    May 22, 2012

    I love ‘fish shit like it’s their job’. Hope Keely is recovering well.

  3. Amberr Meadows
    May 22, 2012

    Get some water clarifier. It should clear up the cloudiness until it really is time to change the filter. Good luck!

  4. alaina
    May 22, 2012

    I swear my one fish likes to play dead. Just as I say “Aww Spike!,” he is suddenly very much alive and does a victory lap around the bowl. Yep, fooled her again.
    alaina recently posted..Cleavage Evolution.My Profile

  5. Mayor Gia
    May 22, 2012

    Haha yikes! Keeping things alive is stressful…good luck with the tank.
    Mayor Gia recently posted..In Another Episode of Weird Pictures that Have No Context…My Profile

  6. Julie
    May 22, 2012

    Although we have a private room for it, don’t we too, shit where we live? Unless of course you prefer to go at the corner gas station . . . Sorry, couldn’t help myself. Hope Keely is going great ~ I’m still saying a prayer for her (and you).

  7. Jen Anderson
    May 22, 2012

    My brother kept his goldfish alive through several trips back and forth to college. One year, my mom drove him down and there was car trouble. While she waited for the car to cool down, she tossed ice cubes from her soda into the fish tank so that Jimmy the fish wouldn’t overheat. I think he was a carnival fish too – some of them are pretty darn durable.

    Jimmy actually lived until he was assassinated – someone in the dorm stole his tank and left him outside on a cold night and he froze. The school was in Washington DC, so it may have been politically motivated.
    Jen Anderson recently posted..Clearing Out My BrainMy Profile

  8. Shawn C. Woods
    May 22, 2012

    If the water seems turbid, your fish needs to be placed to a clearer water aquarium. This is the simplest way to clear the water for your fish.
    Shawn C. Woods recently posted..idol lashMy Profile

  9. Liz
    May 22, 2012

    In my sorority it was a tradition for the big sis to give the little sis a beta fish as a gift. When I went away for vacation I brought the little tank down to another room so somebody would take care of my fish while I was away. I swear it had a heart attack from the cage being moved! It hit the top of the tank, then the bottom, and then it was still. So sad to see it actually happen… :(

    Hope Keely is recovering well!
    Liz recently posted..Yves Saint Laurent RetrospectiveMy Profile

  10. Annabelle
    May 23, 2012

    Gilgamesh is an awesome name for a fish.

    I had fish as a kid and keep thinking it’d be fun to get a tank again… but then I think about all the cleaning it requires and somehow it never happens.

  11. Heidi19
    May 30, 2012

    I think you have to changed the water in that aquarium frequently.. It’s nice to see fishes in there in a more clearer water. And put other more color fishes too! It can help you to relax. Take that from me..
    Heidi19 recently posted..Will Your Arowana Or Dragonfish Bring Luck To You?My Profile

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