This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which groundhogs leave the GROUND

 

Andie just hung up the phone on me because a) she thought it was a stupid conversation or b) she wasn’t impressed with the information I was imparting or 3) she wanted to go back to sleep.

 

She called earlier and I answered:

 

Me:                  Hello?

Andie:             (she told me all this shit about school like I actually care how she’s doing in college.  But, one thing she mentioned was that she did a paper on the physiological issues of what happens to a bear when it hibernates)

Me:                  Well, I just had a funny conversation with Robin (my friend)

Andie:             your conversations with Robin are never funny

Me:                  yes they are, we crack up

Andie:             that’s because they’re stupid and you think they’re funny

Me:                  I’m not sure you have a true understanding on what’s funny Andie

Andie:             I do too

Me:                  hey, you wanna know what I discovered yesterday?

Andie:             not really

Me:                  well, I’ll tell you anyways

Andie:             really mom?

Me:                  yesterday Tucker (my dog) chased a groundhog and the groundhog climbed a tree

Andie:             so?

Me:                  were you aware that groundhogs can climb trees?

Andie:             no, but I think that’s a stupid fact

Me:                  why?

Andie;             there are already an excellent sufficiency of animals that climb trees so why add another one?

Me:                  that’s extremely stupid

Andie:             squirrels dominate the stupid rodents who climb trees category

Me:                  are you aware that bears can climb trees?

Andie:             of course I am

Me:                  well, they don’t hibernate in trees

Andie:             I know all about the hibernating habits of bears

Me:                  probably because they could never sleep in a tree without falling out

Andie:             they’re ground animals

Me:                  as is a GROUND hog … so why did it climb a tree?

Andie:             are you aware that all squirrels don’t climb trees?

Me:                  are you sure?

Andie:             yes, there are ground squirrels. They don’t climb trees hence the name GROUND squirrels

Me:                  and yet the GROUND Hog does climb trees

Andie:             this is an extremely dumb conversation

Me:                  all of our conversations are extremely dumb

Andie:             which is why I’m hanging up on you

Me:                  what? Andie? ANDIE?

And then she was gone.  All because she has a complete and total lack of appreciation for my conversational prowess.

 

 

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16 Comments

  1. Andrew Rassel
    April 25, 2012

    Nice conversion between you and Andie.

  2. Jester Queen
    April 25, 2012

    Is now a good time to admit that I lived in the country for 21 years and…. I HAD NO IDEA A GROUNDHOG COULD CLIMB A TREE. That shit is some kind of cool.

    • Lynn
      April 25, 2012

      i didn’t either. I was really shocked

  3. Julie
    April 25, 2012

    “excellent sufficiency” ~ wow, they teach big words at Duke. :)

    • Lynn
      April 25, 2012

      they MUST have taught that word at Kentucky girl! BTW, i love you. also, would you like to read the rough draft of my book.

      • Julie
        April 25, 2012

        I would LOVE to read your book. I’m touched that you asked!!

  4. Mack Sperling
    April 25, 2012

    Pure brilliance

    • Lynn
      April 25, 2012

      Thanks Mack! How are you??

  5. Miss Annie V.
    April 25, 2012

    HA! Hey, I’m always game for what is perceived as useless trivia. In fact, I no longer believe there is such a thing thanks to years of watching Jeopardy! :D… I did NOT know groundhogs climb trees and you know, that somehow makes them more sinister in my mind, now. I DID know they climb into car engines, but that’s not nearly as lighthearted a tidbit…

    • Lynn
      April 25, 2012

      I saw it happen…it’s true

  6. Starle
    April 25, 2012

    I have never, ever, ever seen a groundhog in a tree. Are you sure about this? Because i have seen EVERYTHING dammit! I have those types of conversations with my daughter and she is only nine. I am sure she finds me more ignorant and un-funny every day. This is how i know that I am truly hilarious!

    • Lynn
      April 25, 2012

      yeah, the more they protest the truer it is. I definitely saw it happen. I was shocked and it took forever to get my dog back inside

  7. Melissa Kauffold
    April 25, 2012

    This totally sounds like my mom and me, except it would probably be over a lost Star Trek episode or the spelling of a word I’ve never even heard of before….ha! I need to send her the link to this! Thanks for sharing, glad my mother/daughter relationship is as awesome as yours and Andie’s…lol!

    • Lynn
      April 25, 2012

      we love to have ridiculous conversations…check out the candle one from a few days ago

  8. Kathryn
    April 25, 2012

    Hi Lynn.. It was a nice conversation with Andie but it was so sad she hung up..
    Kathryn recently posted..aerials southendMy Profile

  9. Laura
    April 26, 2012

    Very touching kind of book…Thanks for sharing with us..I will share this to my friend also..
    Laura recently posted..Easter in LondonMy Profile

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