This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!
When I met Kevin about a million years ago I had survived to the ripe old age of 25. As it turns out, I guess I was just plain lucky because Kevin introduced me to “checking the expiration dates” on foodstuffs. (is that what you call it? Foodstuffs? Because it has a squiggly green line under it which means that it is NOT a word?).
He also explained that I should always be looking for dents in my cans to make sure I didn’t get botulism. Although I never did that I’m still alive and so far, so good on the botulism front.
At any rate, Kevin has spent the last 29 years asking me about expiration dates and such. I always check for him and then ignore them because I think that’s just a bunch of bullshit by the grocery industry.
However, this morning Kevin got up early and by the time I went into the kitchen he had obviously been busy at work. There were jars and condiments and all sorts of shit all over the kitchen counter. He was nowhere to be seen.
I finally called him and he had gone to work out. That’s right, without me no less. I asked him what the hell he had been up to and he informed me that we had a TON of expired products in our refrigerator and that there were items in the pantry that were due to expire and we needed to change them out.
Now I’m sure this happens to all of you all the time and none of you perish (or else you wouldn’t be reading this would ya now?) but when you have an anal husband ya gotta hop to it.
It’s true that most of us never change out the ketchup or mustard or horseradish or any of those things. Back when the kids were around we went through things faster so it wasn’t as much of a problem but now it suppose we’re tempting fate on a daily basis.
When we got back from the gym (which I raced to so I could catch up and we could have our Sunday coffee) we threw out a billion bottles and now there is absolutely nothing in my frig.
My pantry is also pretty damn sad.
So I suppose the good news is that I won’t be dying of botulism or anything anytime soon. The bad news is that I have absolutely no condiments or soy sauce or anything so we will be eating plain food.
Man being a slacker is soooooo much easier don’t ya think??