This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which Hertz pisses me off

Dear Hertz:

 

I just wanted you to know that I’m completely pissed off at you.  You see, the reason I joined your Hertz #1 Club was so that I WOULD NOT have to constantly wait in line.  Isn’t that what the point of the entire thing is?  Well, let me tell you about my recent experiences with Hertz on this California trip.

 On Tuesday, August 26 I flew into the Airport in Oakland.  While admittedly, I was a little bit cranky because I was three hours late, I feel what happened was unacceptable.  First of all, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, I received my luggage first.  As you can imagine, I was thrilled that things were finally going my way but that was before waiting over 30 minutes for the shuttle bus to the rental car lot.  While this certainly can’t be blamed on you, I was already agitated as it was 6:30 Pacific time (which is 9:30 Eastern time; I’ll help you with the math here) and I still had a 1 ½ hour drive ahead of me. 

The bus pulled into the Hertz lot and I go to the board where it says Gold Members.  I look for my name. Nothing.  NADA. NOT A DAMN THING!!!  Ok, I’m a little pissed now and I see the #1 Office is closed too I go into the Hertz office.  There is ONE agent and about 5 people in line.  So I wait…and I wait…and I wait…and I’m getting really angry and I finally ask the woman “isn’t there ANYONE ELSE working there or is SHE the only agent?”

She tells me “YES” but she can’t seem to get a hold of them.  The people in line are really getting agitated as this ONE person tries to help us all.  Finally another person shows up and eventually it’s my turn.

Lady:     I see that you’re a #1 Member.  You should be on the board.

Me:        I looked.  My name wasn’t there.

Lady:     Are you sure? It says you should be there.

Me:        OF COURSE I LOOKED.  I’ve been waiting a half an hour.  IT’S NOT THERE.

Lady:     so you checked?

Me:        (thinking….do you have a gun so I can shoot myself?)

Lady:     Hmmm…well, let’s see what we can do about a car for you.

Me:        (is she serious?) It needs to have NEVERLOST!

Lady:     Oh yes, it will.

And finally, after FOREVER, I get out of there.  Kevin said I should complain and get some stuff comped but I figure NO BIG DEAL and just make the best of it.  That was my plan but today in LA was the final straw.

I show up in LA and I get my luggage, catch the shuttle and YES!!! My name is up on the board so I go to the space and shove my luggage in the trunk.  I then get in the car and WHERE IS THE NEVERLOST? WHERE THE FUCK IS THE NEVERLOST?

I’m so pissed I can’t believe it.  I don’t know where I’m going in LA and then I’m driving down to San Diego to attend BlogHer so I definitely need NEVERLOST!  So, I lock my shit in the car and walk to the #1 office.  Now, I got up at 5:30 today to return to the airport and all I really want to do is get to my hotel and hang out by the pool so I’m a little short on patience.

Me:        Excuse me but my car was supposed to have NEVERLOST and it doesn’t.

Lady:     Are you sure?

Me:        Yes I’m sure.

Lady:     Did you look between the seats because that’s where it would be.

Me:        Yes I looked.

Lady:     You know, it’s quite small.  Are you sure you didn’t miss it?

Me:        (getting pissed now) I KNOW what it looks like.  I just returned a car this MORNING that had a NEVERLOST system so I think I’m capable of recognizing what it looks like.

Lady:     Ok, what’s your name?

Me:        Lynn MacDonald

Lady:     Hold on.  Oh, it says right here that your car DOES have NEVERLOST.

Me:        … and yet, it didn’t.

Lady:     Are you sure?

Me:        YES I’M SURE.

Lady:     Hold on.  Let’s see what else we have with a NEVERLOST system.

And I wait… and wait… and wait

Lady:     Would you like a Yukon?

Me:        NO I don’t want a Yukon.  They’re huge and I’m driving in a city I don’t know.

Lady:     Ok, can you hold on?

(Ha! Like I have a fucking choice)

And I wait…and wait… and wait

Finally she comes back.

Lady:     Ok, we have a nice Chevy for you.

Me:        It’s not a minivan is it cuz I don’t want a minivan.

Lady:     No, no it’s not.

Me:        and it definitely has NEVERLOST right?

Lady:     Yes, yes it does.

Me:        Ok, thanks.

Lady:     Well, thanks for using Hertz.

So you see Hertz, you have managed to screw up NOT ONE but TWO rental car experiences.  People out there, the commercials are bullshit because from what I can see, there is NO FAST WAY to get a car from Hertz.

You guys fucking owe me two hours of my time back.

That is all.

Sincerely,

Lynn MacDonald

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43 Comments

  1. julia Vaughn
    August 3, 2011

    The whole friggin’ country is like that.

  2. Anon
    August 3, 2011

    #firstworldproblems

  3. MRich
    August 3, 2011

    I’m not sure why I stumbled upon this page, but I think you should repost at http://www.whitewhine.com

  4. Name *
    August 3, 2011

    Holy fucking shit. Are these the day to day problems you have to deal with?? I can’t believe it. Are you doing alright now with you neverlost?? Because I can’t believe I lost 4 minutes of the precious time I have on this earth that I will never get back reading your stupid fucking sob story. Lyn, I just pray to god you have not reproduced yet and your neverlost system takes you off a high fucking cliff in a fiery crash you have no chance of limping away from. God save America.

    • Lynn
      August 3, 2011

      You might consider purchasing a sense of humor since you obviously don’t have one, i have reproduced three times and every one of them is worth ten of you no doubt. Have a great day

  5. Dan
    August 3, 2011

    Lynn MacDonald: I don’t know you…but you sound like a bitch.

    • Lynn
      August 3, 2011

      Probably am and yet, I wasn’t mean to the workers there. Just posted this to the organization. BTW, this is a humor blog…don’t like it? Go away then

  6. Common Sense
    August 3, 2011

    God forbid you should have not plan a route to your destination as part of your travel plans! OH NOES! You’ve fallen victim to the most common blunder of Modern Society!

    …In other words, your reliance on gadgetry that DIDN’T EVEN EXIST in the PUBLIC SECTOR 15 years ago you now CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT!

    It’s a shame you never learned how to read a map, because then you wouldn’t be dependent upon other people to solve the issues of your own ignorance.

    Hertz owes your 2 hours of your life back?
    Have you been paying attention AT ALL in the last trio of decades of your life?

    You owe me 10 minutes of my life back for reading this drivel.

    How’s that suit ya’, toots?

    Develop some self-reliance, twit.

    • Lynn
      August 3, 2011

      I can read a map…didn’t have one. When I pay for something extra I expect to have it. Self reliance? You don’t have a fucking clue about that in regards to me. Pretty sure I didn’t force u to read this.

  7. Whatever
    August 3, 2011

    We have all had experiences like that…and from the sounds of it, yours wasn’t even that bad. Get over it, dude, it didn’t even make you late for anything!

    • Lynn
      August 3, 2011

      I’m over it but I do write this shit up for the blog.

  8. life
    August 3, 2011

    welcome to it

  9. Name *
    August 3, 2011

    Wow I read this..and..I wonder why this woman doesnt learn an ounce of tolerance-does this rank in your top 100 of worst things that have happened to you in your life? Do you continue to think about this experience long after its happened and allow it to sour the good parts of your life? I was talking to someone recently who mentioned that after world war 2 most vetrans had an extremely low divorce rate…I guess after war everything else is pretty tolerable. I was amazed living in argentina…people who had the worst kind of problems…physical injuries extreme poverty, family problems…and they were happy and laughing. When I asked..how can you be happy with all of these bad things happening? One person told me…things are always bad..if I had to wait for things to be good to smile…I would never smile! So look at the bright side..at least you dont have to spend a bunch of money on service you werent getting! ;)

    • Lynn
      August 3, 2011

      It’s a humor blog man…I write shit up. That’s what I do. Is it souring my life? NO. I also make fun of the really bad things. I’m fine…

  10. Wow...
    August 3, 2011

    First world problem. Tough one, too.

  11. Eric is Fargo234
    August 3, 2011

    See… I go into those situations expecting to be disappointed. I’ll even loudly proclaim to no one in particular how I expect crappy service and long lines. I once even let the lady next to me know I fully expected my car to smell bad too.

    Should it happen that way… I can say, “I told you so.”

    If it doesn’t. That means something good happened. It often does. It drives my wife crazy when I start talking shit at airports.

    But the universe is ironic and likes me to be wrong.

    I call it: Working The System

    • Lynn
      August 3, 2011

      If I pay extra for a service, I expect it. That’s pretty much it.

  12. Paulette
    August 3, 2011

    i rented a car in Oakland a few years ago. Can’t remember which rental company, but let’s pretend it was Hertz. When I got to the car, it smelled like an entire forest of pot had recently burned down inside. Bad pot, at that. They gave me a different one, but I’m still amused that the guys who clean these cars didn’t at least air it out.

    Customer service ain’t what it used to be.

    • Lynn
      August 3, 2011

      That’s for damn sure

  13. Aunt E
    August 3, 2011

    Just look at these rotten times as “material”

  14. Tina, The Escrow Goddess
    August 3, 2011

    I HATE when people continually ask you “Are you sure?” “Did you look?” “Maybe you could look again?” I’ve had an experience with Enterprise where I almost got the guy at the desk fired. By the end of the whole thing he was asking me “do you have a preferred color, we have silver or red or a black car, which would you prefer.” I don’t take crap from people who are suppose to be giving me service.

  15. gramps
    August 3, 2011

    Holy Cow!!! Where di you get all these commenters today? They must all be new to your blog—-or they don’t have a sense of humor.
    Traveled on business for 33 years. I still have nighmares

    • MRich
      August 3, 2011

      Sense of humor? Where’s the humor? It’s just complaining about things that didn’t really affect your life in a public forum (the internet). So people who stumble upon this page (like myself) read this entire column thinking “at the end, something profoundly bad must happen to this woman for her to need to rant so badly about this situation.” But no, nothing that really AFFECTED her happened. So there’s time wasted from MY life. And I’m sure if you added up all the time of the innocent victims of this page, it would be far more than her “2 hours” at Hertz.

      • Eric is Fargo234
        August 3, 2011

        Aaaaaand yet you came back. Seriously dude. Lynn blogs about her life and adds humor to her stories. Obviously you don’t get it. You don’t like her style of humor. Great. That makes you a critic.

        Thank you for your thorough, thoughtful and well written critique.

        This blog is not for you.

        Also, if it took longer than 3 minutes to read this post and you considered it a waste of time in your life then you spend entirely too much time online WASTING YOUR TIME.

        Unless that’s your job. In which case you should consider it an excellent use of your time.

        I have to laugh at your “first world problems” via the link you kindly provided. Don’t you find it ironic that you spend your time complaining about internet blog posts while wandering around the internet? Do you contribute to whitewhine.com too?

        • Lynn
          August 4, 2011

          Hahaha…thanks for defending me. I appreciate it. I don’t let those people bother me but that was a hell of a response!!!

  16. FranceRants
    August 3, 2011

    You’d think with the economy the way it is that corporations would would harder to hang on to the clients they still have, but no……

    Hertz like Cuisinart, sucks!

  17. Cat
    August 3, 2011

    Lynn,

    I have been reading your blog for months and I love it. Although, I have never commented, I felt the urge to do so today!

    What is the deal with the negative comments? Who are these people and where did they come from?

    Again, love your blog! I especially love the ones about your children. I have a teenager going into highschool in the fall. Your blogs remind me of him and our family.

    Hope you have a wonderful trip and tell all these negative people to go fook themselves!

    Love ya!

    • Lynn
      August 3, 2011

      Thanks so much. I just think people take stuff way to seriously, ya know?

  18. krf0109
    August 3, 2011

    Those commenters are just cranky cause they get poor service. Question: If it’s not okay for you to complain about something ON YOUR OWN BLOG that they don’t have to read, why is it okay for people to complain on someone else’s blog and expect that person to read it?

  19. Tazer
    August 4, 2011

    Wooooww where the hell did all these douche canoes come from commenting on your post like jackasses? Jeez people, pull the pinecone out of your anuses and get a freaking grip.

    Lynn- UGH. I hate that, it happens way too often. Rental car companies, hotels, and airports have it out for me, I swear

  20. Name *
    August 4, 2011

    Sounds like Planes, Trains and Automobiles….. That kind of stuff just sends me over the edge!!! Good for you!

    • Lynn
      August 4, 2011

      Thanks…you can see by the comments that many people did NOT agree but if I’m paying extra for a service, I expect that service!

  21. NightVisions
    August 4, 2011

    So sorry for the whiners, but I thought it was hysterical. It’s not about it being a bad experience per se people, it’s about the freaking HUMOR in the writers tone! Heck, or at least I’m still laughing and thought the entire blog worthy of a bookmark.

    I shall be back! :)

    • Lynn
      August 4, 2011

      I feel like the disclaimer speaks for itself. Don’t like it? Don’t read it. It’s pretty simple

      • lol
        August 4, 2011

        I feel like you think that the internet allows you to whine about anything you want without fear of ridicule or ire from those unfortunate enough to mistake your pedantic and shrill declaration of white, first world problems for some REAL writing.

        I think it’s fair for those of us that see your terrible contribution to both the internet and life to point out your selfishness and wasted effort.

        GG. No Zerg Rush.

        • Lynn
          August 4, 2011

          Actually, I feel like I can say what I like anyways but the Internet allows me to publish it. You, however, decided to read it in spite of the fact that I said that my blog required a sense of humor. Don’t like it? Don’t read it. It’s pretty damn simple.

          • There...
            August 5, 2011

            There is a distinct difference between humor and whining. However, the increasing likelihood that you are too dim to get that is matched only in the oppositely decreasing likelihood that you get why it’s becoming humorous.

  22. Hertz got me too.
    August 4, 2011

    Hey Lynn,
    I’m right there standing next to you at the Hertz complaints counter. Our aircraft came in 20 minutes late. We were renting from an off-airport location. We called ahead to say that we were on our way to pick up the car, could they wait a couple of minutes for us. The response? “We close at 6:00.”
    Is there no one in this fool country who can look at the unemployment lines and say to themselves “With the least bit of customer service (We’re happy to have you as a customer), I might still have a job tomorrow”?
    Hey HERTZ… I have OPTIONS for my car rental business. I CAN TAKE MY MONEY SOMEWHERE ELSE and by the way, I plan to do so on my next trip.

    • Lynn
      August 4, 2011

      The attitude is unbelievable. I’m with you!

  23. Carrie
    August 9, 2011

    HAHAHA!!! These commenters are killing me! You’d think someone FORCED them to read the story. They need to go back to watching kitty cat youtube videos and feel warm and fuzzy

    • Lynn
      August 9, 2011

      I know right? The guy was all like “you wasted my time” and then he left a long comment. WTF?

  24. VJ
    August 10, 2011

    If I didn’t already enjoy your posts, I’d say the really humorous part of this story is the angst it created in SO MANY commenters! Good grief! I’ll keep coming back just to have a laugh at how much ire you can generate. Rock on Lynn.

    • Lynn
      August 10, 2011

      and over such stupid things no less

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