This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i address blog bullying by calling bullshit

 

Yesterday, I read a blog post by “The real supermum blog” about bullying and I have to respectfully call “bullshit.” Now obviously bullying is the big catchword of 2012.  There’s the movie that’s coming out and there’s other incidents about “bullying” and I personally think a lot of this hysteria is just that, hysteria.

 

Now, I don’t advocate bullying or what USED to be bullying but I think what people consider bullying nowadays to be bullshit.  Take the blog post for example.  You can read the entire thing HERE but this is the opening paragraphs:  Her writing is in italics.  Mine is the normal font.

 

Have you ever sent an email, a Twitter direct message or a Facebook inbox message to another that contains hurtful or damaging content about another blogger you know?

 

 I have been at the center of being bullied by other bloggers, when others have whispered about me, made degrading remarks and started somewhat of a witch hunt against me, I know how it feels to feel like the black sheep. Not being accepted into the crowd and made to feel indifferent, because I choose not to be like them.

 

 I know how being bullied online can lower your confidence and make you question your own abilities. There was a time I thought about stopping blogging due to the remarks and the cat claws that came out aimed in my direction, but it also taught me a valuable lesson.

 

Bullies are cowards who spend their time causing hurt to others, so they can feel better about themselves, jealousy often springs to mind.”

 

Well, I agree that bullies are often cowards who hide behind the behavior to make themselves feel important although in a blogging situation I disagree.

 

I think that if you’re blogging in a public forum you need to expect some backlash at times.  Beyond that, I simply don’t understand how you could EVER let another person define you or your “confidence.”  I don’t know exactly what happened to this blogger but I have had my own experiences on line with awful comments and whatnot and I still think people have a right to disagree.  I have decided to answer her points.

 

This blogger says that:

 

Have you ever disrespected another blogger?

Why yes, yes I have.  If you consider “disrespecting” NOT AGREEING WITH THEIR VIEWS OR THEIR PLATFORM then I certainly have.

 

Do you say things about another blogger in secret to others, hoping they too will say hateful things to agree with you?

 

I HAVE talked to bloggers about other bloggers.  I don’t know too many people as hateful as I am so that wouldn’t be the reason but isn’t putting something out there in the public domain setting yourself up to be disagreed with?  If you’re not willing to have people dissent and yes, actually disagree or hate you for your views, shouldn’t you just stick to journaling?

 

Have you ever remarked to another that someone’s blog is crap?

Why yes.  I do this frequently.  There are millions of blogs out there and truthfully many of them are crap. I am told that my blog is crap all the time and if I was only writing to win friends and influence people I’d be truly fucked.

 

Have you ever formed a little gang and then spoke about another blogger in secret, in an unfriendly way?

Ok, I have actually never formed “a little gang” in regards to anything, especially blogging.  I can’t even imagine caring enough to want to “gang up” on another blogger and I actually do think that is crap.

 

Have you witnessed someone disrespecting another blogger and then joined in the conversation?

Yes, and occasionally I disagree and occasionally I agree because  I don’t whitewash all bloggers and assume they’re only out to be sweet and cheerful and nice. Many bloggers are in this for the money and as such, they will occasionally run over other people to do so.  I have seen many bloggers steal other’s work and posts for their own devices.  Its quite naïve to think this doesn’t happen.  All bloggers don’t deserve respect.  On the other hand, I think that joining forces to destroy someone just because they “differ” from you is wrong too.

 

Do you become angry when another blogger does not agree with you?

I would probably stroke out if I chose to get upset when others didn’t agree with me.  I’d probably die if people did agree with me.

 

Do you bring it upon yourself to dictate what other bloggers should or should not do?

I don’t give a shit about what others do and having said that, perhaps people should blog for their own reasons and not worry if other “bullying” bloggers don’t like them.  Just like in real life, not everyone is on the same side on all topics.

 

Are you happy to accept that other bloggers are just as capable of blogging as you are, despite the fact you have done it for 5 years and they have for 5 weeks?

 I rarely think anyone is as capable as I am, doesn’t matter if they’ve written for 5 minutes or 5 decades.

 

I love blogging, I love my blog, I love that I have come to meet some very special people in the blogsphere and made some lifelong friends. Bullying others needs to stop, but it never will, there seems to be a small minority of bloggers who will never accept that blogging is a free world and not everyone will play by the rules they dictate.

What I don’t understand here is why you would care if other people disagree with you. That’s human nature.  Put out what you want and if people don’t like it, that’s their problem.  There will always be people who don’t like you and the anonymity of blogging is perfect for the trolls to come out.

 

What I do ask is; if you come across another for whatever reason having ranting and being a bully, that you refrain from commenting and get to know the victim in the center of the slanderous remarks, you may well be surprised what you learn.

I do however, agree, that the level could be raised.  I have received more than my fair share of awful comments but at the end of the day, why would I let such ignorance affect me? And why should you?

 

Blogging can create an amazing experience and has so many positives, blogging bullies need to go back under their rocks and allow other bloggers to grow and be accepted for what they are, warts and all and refrain from starting witch hunts, perhaps these bloggers belong more in a school play yard.

Back to the overuse of “bullying on the play yard”

 

Many will not agree with me, many will agree but will be afraid of speaking out for fear of repercussion. Bullying happens everywhere, how you react to a bully is your own choice, you are not a sheep. Do you believe everything you read or hear?

 

Here’s my opinion for what it’s worth.  In todays society we have somehow gotten on this kick that “everyone is a winner.”  While back in the day people got kudos for participation nowadays kids are all “stars” of their own teams.  After all, lets not ruin little Johnny’s self esteem.

 

It’s even gotten into schools.  I have heard of a two-tiered system in schools where the “less bright” kids are graded on a different scale.  That way they too can get “A’s” just like the stellar students.

 

So tell me, what happens when the “second tier” A students come out of school and go to college?  College is real life.  All of a sudden those A students are once again B- and C students.  Will they be capable of doing what it takes to rise up grade wise?  I seriously doubt it because people “LIFE ISN’T FAIR” and tricking your kids into thinking that they are as “good as” or even “Better than” for no apparent reason isn’t the way to go.

 

So here we are in a society where you “can’t pick on people,” “can’t be negative,” and we give everyone false reassurances that they’re the bomb.

 

Self esteem isn’t given, it’s earned.  People need to like themselves for their pros and their cons.  Tricking them into it isn’t good.  Protecting your kids from the real world is a dangerous precedent.

 

There will be bullying but instead of pretending it doesn’t exist or stopping it completely, why don’t you teach your child coping mechanisms.  I’m not advocating bullying but trust me, the minute you have more than one child there is bullying going on.  I have never seen a household where the older kids didn’t bully the younger ones.

 

That’s how people interact.  I’m not saying, “Yeah, let’s go to the playground and let one kid beat the crap out of another.”  I’m saying that some of this is part of the natural order.

 

How many people became incredibly successful because of the drive to “rise above” something?  Whether it was bullying, poverty or environment people will react.

 

Stop over protecting everything and everyone. Yes, I think stopping bullying is a valid thing, especially for children but seriously: blog bullying?

 

If you are afraid of getting bad feedback from an opinion left on a blog or for your own post, perhaps you should reevaluate whether you want to post it.  Part of being an “adult” is recognizing the world isn’t always to your liking.

 

I’ve written posts that I never published simply because it wasn’t worth the negative feedback I was likely to get.  If you’re writing a blog, take some personal responsibility.

 

It wouldn’t shock me if this post is considered “bullying” although I just think of it as a different opinion. And by the way, if you hate this post or blog, feel free to leave your comments.  I like differing opinions.  I mean, they’re wrong, but I admire your gumption.

 

 

 

 

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the RSS feed to have future articles delivered to your feed reader.

43 Comments

  1. Cindy
    April 11, 2012

    Great post. Bullies are everywhere and nothing will change that. It is really part of the parents job to prepare their kids for how to deal with them and stop protecting them from the real world.
    Cindy recently posted..Shoulder bags for womenMy Profile

    • Lynn
      April 11, 2012

      I agree..while some of it is beyond the pale and dangerous, some of it is a way of life

  2. Steph
    April 11, 2012

    Awesome post. Especially about siblings, I have 2 sisters and cousins who are as close as sisters and brothers. There wasn’t a day went by when one of the older cousins used to “bully” the younger ones, it was part of growing up, it’s now turned that the younger boys have got bigger than some of the older ones and can get there own back…. but it is all about growing up. It’s how the world works in the bigger society and people who complain and protect to the extreme are damaging there children. I am not saying that there isn’t bad bullying, which does need to be stopped but competition and drive needs to be given to kids to succeed in life

    Great post though.

    • Lynn
      April 11, 2012

      my older daughters bullied their brother. I bullied my little brother too. This was a great comment

  3. Krizza
    April 11, 2012

    I think as the population increases and people get more packed together and become more competitive this problem will continue to increase. It seems I’m a bully myself and God knows I’ve been working on improving this personality defect for many years. I think once you learn that strong-arming people at a young age is a way to get what you want out of life its a hard habit to break if you are not motivated for change.
    Krizza recently posted..Matt Huston – The Ex Boyfriend GuruMy Profile

    • Lynn
      April 11, 2012

      i definitely think some of it is due to competition. I’m probably a bit of a bully myself in that i get what i want. It wasn’t physical though for me.

  4. By Word of Mouth Musings
    April 11, 2012

    What sort of day would it be if you didn’t upset someone ;)
    Sadly, we have seen some of the pack mentality in action, but on the upside are too old to take it seriously.
    Finally, an upside to being old!
    By Word of Mouth Musings recently posted..Wordy or Wordless this Wednesday, a to do list.My Profile

    • Lynn
      April 11, 2012

      What? Me? Right now I’m with Daniel getting his possibly broken hand xrayed

  5. Carol
    April 11, 2012

    You can see Bullying anywhere and may harm you through physical, emotionally and even in internet and social network so the parent should always monitor their children
    Carol recently posted..movers DanvilleMy Profile

    • Lynn
      April 11, 2012

      well, that’s true

  6. Julie
    April 11, 2012

    My daughter was bullied in grade school. To the point that I met with the principal and the police (and I am not a “helocopter mom”). It was that serious. However, my child knew (at age 11) that even though shit does happen and kids can be mean, utlimately SHE held all the cards. No one had power over her reaction/response but her.

    Solid, rock hard self esteem is SO important to instill in children.

    Awesome post, Lynn.

    • Lynn
      April 11, 2012

      right. so you had a situation that you and your child dealt with to help the child learn how to address problems and situations. That’s ok.

      Just blaming every hard knock in life as bullying isn’t right in my opinion.

  7. KeAnne
    April 11, 2012

    Nice response to her questions. I think that the word “bully” is over-used and that over-use detracts from genuine bullying that we need to do something about. Disagreement is not bullying. That’s called life.

    • Lynn
      April 11, 2012

      i agree with you…i think the word “bullying” is a catchphrase for anything negative at this point

  8. Jester Queen
    April 11, 2012

    My, what a long comment I’ve written. .

    I would argue that schoolyard bullying is vastly different than what the blogger above describes. By likening her experience with a group of internet trolls to the schoolyard bullying experience, she demeans that other thing. Here’s the big difference for me. A kid doesn’t have as much control over his or her emotions. Simply put, I can teach my kid all the coping skills I want, she still can’t handle getting picked on. I have put her in an environment where she won’t. Hopefully won’t. I can afford to. My parents couldn’t afford to. So they didn’t. So I spent a lot of time feeling lonely and left out as a kid. I never wanted to die. Others do. Others did. There were at least two suicides in the people who should have been in my graduating class, and one of them stated point blank that she wanted to die because she was bullied. Nobody ever knew with the other, but that’s what is suspected. I grew up bullied, and I can’t help but be grateful for all of the attention the problem is getting.

    And yet, my son has the potential to BE a bully. So I know you can tell your bully to be nice to his friends all you want. I do. But unless you address the kid’s underlying problems (autism and mood disorder in our case) the problem will persist. School administrators need to intervene, and we need to help both the victims AND the perpetrators find alternate solutions even when their maturity is decidedly lacking.

    It’s not the same as grade inflation, a phenomenon which completely annoys me. It’s certainly not the same as being a blogger who can’t handle dissent, which also annoys me. My thought? She sounds like some of the people over at Etsy who get up in arms about being featured on Regretsy. It’s not bullying if they’re telling you the truth, you know. And what you say at the outset is absolutely true. If you’re putting it out there publicly, that’s a completely different ball of wax.
    Jester Queen recently posted..GossipMy Profile

    • Lynn
      April 11, 2012

      i was pointing out with grade inflation that at this point, we don’t let our kids have any hard knocks or negativity and i think that’s problematic in the long run.

      I’m not for bullying but i think that there are different degrees of things and that people overreact.

  9. jackie
    April 11, 2012

    I think that there is no excuse for kids being horrible to each other. Kids being graded differently is stupid and completely unrelated to bullying in the school system. Kids are usually bullied for being smart, not slow. Although one of my dear friends was bullied for being dyslexic. Kids are too cruel, and at that young age when school is thier entire world, some cannot see a light at the end of the tunnel. That is when kids take thier own lives! It should be stopped and I don’t think it’s being blown up. People with attitudes like yours are letting these things play themselves out and children are dying in the meantime.

    However, when you hit adulthood (anywhere after highschool), you have to have the self awareness to let all of that go. You have to know that what others think has nothing to do with you. You should value yourself and not take strong offense to others opinions. If that blogger is an adult, bullying should be not be an issue. Kids need assurance and guidance, adults should never have an issue with bullying because they are capable of removing themselves from a situation like that, mentally and physically.

    • Lynn
      April 11, 2012

      I agree that bullying is a problem but i think that lately what constitutes bullying isn’t always bullying. I think the word is overused and this was a situation that it was definitely overused.

      I’m not for bullying. I’m against it. I just think that kids pushing each other around isn’t always bullying. There are different degrees to everything including this.

  10. Divine Grace
    April 11, 2012

    Actually, I was bullied a bit when I was kid and I am not happy with it…I don’t want my kids would ever experience it…Blog bullying is just almost the same compared with it…
    Divine Grace recently posted..autodealsofstroudMy Profile

    • Lynn
      April 11, 2012

      i don’t think anyone is happy with it. I’m just saying that some harassment is common in life and we can’t protect against anything. I don’t think there’s such a thing as “blog bullying”

  11. rachelle
    April 11, 2012

    Bullying was common on the grade school student parents are prepared for it.

  12. Nancy G.
    April 11, 2012

    Great post. I am not even sure where I want to begin because I have several thoughts on this:

    1 – There is bullying and then there is bullying – getting picked on, teased, etc. is an essential part of growing up and learning how to define your own worth. However, bullying – (constantly harrassing, causing mental duress) to a child is never okay.

    2 – There is blog disagreement and sometimes even disgust, which is to be expected. What is not to be expected or tolerated is threats, unnecessary cruelty or stalking. That must be stopped, but the rest of it, if it bothers you so much, delete it.

    3 – A very popular blogger has generated alot of heat due to the fact that this person railroad over others, inapproriately uses others content and is very deceptive. This bloggers fans are so die-hard that they are infuriated whenever she is called out on it, which I don’t think is okay either.

    For the most part, I want to say “Pull your panties up and deal with the negativity, it is just part of life!” At the same time, it is important to distinguish the unpleasant from the unsafe.

    • Lynn
      April 11, 2012

      i completely agree with you. I had a humorous post and mentioned a “celebrity” who then had his fans shit all over me. Was it out of control? yes. Was it rude and mean? yes … did i ignore it. Actually i wrote a response about how immature the guy was but i can’t imagine letting little people like that mess up my day.

      great comment

  13. Angela
    April 11, 2012

    I’ve had this window open all morning hoping to get around to leaving a long comment, which I know you’re DYING to read. But my kids don’t seem to be interested in my ramblings on bullying, so I’ll shorten it a little.

    Bullying is a crazy serious issue for some kids. The ganging up and belittling and day-after-day tearing down is real and vicious and not like sibling bullying.

    The problem is that calling any sort of conflict bullying actually takes away from the seriousness of the other type of bullying. Trying to protect everyone from everything takes away some of our power to recognize and change the behavior that is truly damaging.

    And there was a comment saying it’s not the same as grade leveling, and I have to disagree with that to some extent. I’m not an Ayn Rand fanatic or anything, but I love The Fountainhead and think it’s important to realize that by extolling mediocrity we lose the ability as a society to celebrate what is truly great, original, and beautiful. Instead of trying to make everything feel like they deserve a science fair ribbon or soccer trophy or only kind words, I think we’re doing our kids a disservice by failing to focus on their actual strengths.

    Am I for bullying and tearing kids down? No, no, no. I just think we need to be careful about what we’re labeling as what, or else the things that are really hurtful won’t be as easy to identify.

    • Lynn
      April 11, 2012

      great comment. I too love Ayn Rand. I agree also that the overuse of the word “bullying” detracts from the serious situations where bullying is actually an issue. A little teasing and/or harassment is ok. Constant abuse isn’t. The problem is that there’s no set definition

  14. Amberr Meadows
    April 11, 2012

    Bullying is one thing. Not agreeing with some other crappy blogger’s views or opinions is something else entirely. A lot of mom bloggers I know hide behind the bully thing so they can freely spread their often jacked-up opinions without experiencing diversity. Sorry, but diversity is what I do if I don’t agree with you, and if you call me a bully for it, you’re nothing but a sniveling wussy who needs to toughen up. If you call bullying when I’m only telling you like it is, I’m liable to up turn up the heat even more. Some people need to grow up!! IMO. Great post!
    Amberr Meadows recently posted..Dropping A-Z Due to Sickness but Continuing Blogging BasicsMy Profile

    • Lynn
      April 11, 2012

      Thank you…I agree with you completely. If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen IMO

  15. Pamela D Hart
    April 11, 2012

    Good post and comments. Not much more I can add, except maybe: whatever happened to “sticks and stones”…
    Pamela D Hart recently posted..UnexplainableMy Profile

    • Lynn
      April 11, 2012

      That’ll work

  16. Kat
    April 11, 2012

    If you’re going to put it out there then realize it’s open to admiration or criticism. Deal with it. Real bullying exists, but if we apply the term to any negativity experienced the people actually being bullied suffer more for the inattention they then receive.
    And ditto for all the participation trophies and awards handed out…earn it!
    Crap…I agreed with you.
    Kat recently posted..I suck at following instructionsMy Profile

    • Lynn
      April 11, 2012

      sorry…i’m sure you’ll disagree another time

  17. Very Bored in Catalunya
    April 11, 2012

    Great post. I think it’s all too easy to pull the bullying card out of the pack when someone disagrees with you, and sadly there are a few UK based bloggers who do this a lot.

    If you are going to put your opinions on the internet, you run the risk of someone disagreeing with you. Sadly most of the blogs where I see this happening, the writer of the blog takes massive umbridge with the fact – even when the point is made in a polite and non-threatening way.

    If you want to use social media, you need a little bit of thick skin. You also so need to get over yourself. People will disagree with you, people will dislike you, if you’re even a tiny bit successful people will form little cliques and slag you off. That’s life, it’s not bullying.

    Personally I absolutely cannot stand people being overly fucking nice and false to each other – just say it as it is but, remember your manners.

    Plus, I find that the people who complain the loudest about bullying are either a) actual bullies themselves or b) have very dubious blogs that have come under far too much criticism to be about petty jealousy…

    • Lynn
      April 11, 2012

      yeah….i personally haven’t experience this “bullying” but i have been in more than one shitstorm. The first time it happened i was new to blogging and completely unprepared. Now i try to take it with a grain of salt.

      I never let those people define me. And the thought of “gangs” of bloggers? i know there’s cliques out there but do they truly collude to screw someone over? i have no idea

      thanks for the comment girl

  18. The Anecdotal Baby
    April 11, 2012

    This is so timely and great! The whole bullying thing is such a hot button for me. Now, there’s no denying that there is some real bullying going on where kids are concerned, but when did freedom of speech become part of that? I should have (a child, whomever) the freedom to say her shoes (dumb example, but you get the point) are hideous without taking fault if she decides to jump off a bridge because of it. And you’re statement about “Personal responsibility” is the best two words ever said. You’re so on point with this post. Well done.
    The Anecdotal Baby recently posted..The Time Has ComeMy Profile

    • Lynn
      April 11, 2012

      thank you…i just was so sick of the overuse of the entire word…

  19. Crystal Jigsaw
    April 11, 2012

    Great post and great comments. I’ve been blogging 5 years and haven’t experienced ‘blog bullying’. Didn’t realise there was such a thing. I’ve had my fair share of shit comments that have left me open mouthed but once read, they’re yesterday’s fish and chip paper. I’m one of those who was actually bullied by other kids at school but I think I’m probably in a better place now than they are. We have an opinion and we’re all entitled to voice it. Disagreements are human nature, we’d all be a bunch of boring bastards if we ran round like fluffy bunnies, leaving sickly comments everywhere and never joining in with the odd rant about a blogger who’s pissed another blogger off. Live and let live. Blog and let blog.

    CJ

    • Lynn
      April 11, 2012

      me neither…i just think you need to have confidence in what you wrote … or don’t write it

  20. Angel
    April 11, 2012

    There is a lot I want to say, but I will link to my journal to say it as it is already looking long (I tweeted you this earlier.) Comment wherever you wish, and if people want to comment feel free – though if you want a reply it’s best to open a discourse here.

    here is your link to read the comment http://angelicalangie.livejournal.com/130693.html

    • Lynn
      April 11, 2012

      I answered on your LJ…ok???

  21. Alexandra
    April 11, 2012

    Lynn, I hear you on this one.

    I once disagreed with what a blogger wrote and she emailed me to say, “mind your own business.”

    I emailed back, “Sorry, but I thought once YOU PUT IT OUT INTO THE INTERNET it meant you were open to comments.”

    If not, close comments, right?

    I hear you.

    • Lynn
      April 11, 2012

      Yeah…that’s crazy. If you’re so sensitive you shouldn’t be writing in public!!

      Agreed

  22. Jennifer June
    April 12, 2012

    I’d be in, if you wanted to start a gang. Not so much a blog-dissing gang but something cool.
    Like a sitting on the steps of a corner store, looking cool and eating chips loudly gang, or a throw rotten vegetables at teenagers (mine included) gang. You know, something really cool like that.
    Jennifer June recently posted..My Cauldron Is BrokenMy Profile

  23. Crystall
    April 13, 2012

    Well i think there is really no such thing as blog bullying and I agree that no one is not happy with bullying…
    Crystall recently posted..jay robb whey protein powderMy Profile

Follow Lynn on Facebook Follow Lynn on Twitter Follow Lynn via RSS Follow Lynn on Pinterest
Enter your Email

Recent articles


Follow Lynn on Facebook Follow Lynn on Twitter Follow Lynn via RSS Follow Lynn on Pinterest




Go to All Fooked Up Store