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In which i become famous enough to be on Bill Maher

Dear Bill Maher,

How do I become famous enough to be on your talk show?

Once upon a time (actually, about 20 weeks ago but quit interrupting my train of thought), I had an epiphany!  What was that epiphany you might wonder?  I decided that now that I was rid of my kids (well, mostly.  My girls keep calling from college and my son still lives at home) I would need a new career.  After rooting around in my brain (and trust me, nobody wants to go there) I decided that the perfect career for me would be “professional talk show guest.”  After discussing it with many (ok, a few) people, I decided to embark upon my new found profession.

The problem was how to go about achieving such an unusual goal as I had been assured that “there is no such job in existence.”  Not letting such a minor detail affect my thinking, I quickly set about coming up with a diabolical plan.  I had been planning on writing a book for years and I realized that the quickest way to your show was to produce a “best seller.”

Then I would be famous enough to be your guest.   I began writing my blog, All Fooked Up.  Alas Bill Maher, it’s been six months and I’m still plodding along with the blog, I’m gaining followers and even enjoying myself, but I’m not yet famous enough to be on your show.

Bill Maher, I’m 51, I don’t have all day so I have decided that the more direct route would be easier (for me) and would certainly be more efficient so here goes.  I am offering you the opportunity of a lifetime (well, at least my lifetime).  I could be on your show and you could promote the hell out of me and then we’d both be winners.  I would have a hit blog and be on the way to a best selling book and you would have the unique opportunity to let me begin my new career on your talk show.  Just imagine it! 

Lynn MacDonald, “professional talk show guest,” and Bill Maher, you can claim part of the credit! 

Not excited yet?  Can’t figure out what’s in it for you?  Let me help out here.  Bill Maher, I can talk to a stone wall or even, in your case, a “stoned” wall.  I have no desire to be on the panel.  Too much work, hard thinking and too many articulate thoughts bandied about.  No Bill Maher, I’m thinking that I will be the person who comes out at the end of the show and sits next to you and chats.  You know, the fourth chair.  

That’s me.  I’m that person!  We could even discuss pot brownies! I actually have a very funny story about that.  I can be funny.  I can be articulate (sorta).   We’ve spoken before.  (Ok, that was actually in my head and may not count as I had to do both halves of the dialogue and BTW, I was cleverer than you.  Does that bug you Bill Maher?).

And Bill Maher, as an added incentive you’re going to be doing a show here in Greensboro, North Carolina on April 23rd and I bought tickets.  I can come up on stage and meet you and we can discuss my future on your talk show.  So, what do ya say Bill Maher?   I had originally planned on sending this letter through your gatekeepers that I found on IMDB but this just seemed more direct.  It’s a one time offer Bill Maher! (although, if you don’t answer, maybe I’ll write another letter to you but let’s just keep that our little secret!).

Let me know!  You can begin my dream of Lynn MacDonald – Professional Talk Show Guest.

Thanks so much Bill Maher.  Hope to be hearing from you soon.

Lynn MacDonald

P.S.  I’m really serious about this!  So all you people out there reading this post, help me out.  Give me your ideas and let me know HOW TO REACH BILL MAHER.  Tweet it, Share it on Faceback, shout it out to the stars!!  Work with me here… i’m just saying

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28 Comments

  1. Emma Jayne
    February 22, 2011

    Bill Maher would be insane to pass up having you on Bill Maher’s show! Bill Maher could convert your legions of faithful followers into Bill Maher fans. Bill Maher would be responsible for “discovering” Lynn MacDonald and then Bill Maher would then be considered the smartest man on TV.

    I hope you get to meet Bill Maher when Bill Maher comes to the city where Lynn MacDonald lives. You could entertain Bill Maher with enchanting Lynn MacDonald stories and certainly Bill Maher would instantly become a Lynn MacDonald fan for life.

    As an added incentive, Bill Maher, if you have Lynn MacDonald on your show, it is highly likely that Lynn MacDonald’s fans will keep Bill Maher supplied with all the pot brownies Bill Maher could possibly ever want.

    • Lynn
      February 22, 2011

      Hahaha…what a truly awesome comment! Thanks, and keep your fingers crossed! Hahaha

  2. Lady Estrogen
    February 22, 2011

    You always make me laugh, even when you’re serious.
    I recently auditioned for a CO-HOST position (i know you think that’s way too much work). I didn’t get a call back – fuckers. lol.

    • Lynn
      February 22, 2011

      Damn…i might have worked a little harder when i was your age but i’m well past that. Co-hosting is ok as long as all i have to do is show up and the other person does the work.

  3. erin margolin
    February 22, 2011

    Lynn,

    Please be sure not to forget about the rest of us little people once you and Bill team up, ok? And then you’ll have to come to Kansas City and do a show together. Sound like a deal?

    I’ll even make you some “special” brownies.
    xoxo

    • Lynn
      February 22, 2011

      i’ve actually never been to Kansas City! Isn’t everything up to date there? “special” brownies…hahaha..it’s been a long, long time

  4. Carla E. Knight
    February 22, 2011

    Who’s Bill Maher? Just kidding. I seldom watch TV and have never actually seen anything he’s done, but I do know who he is. Does he do Twitter? Surely someone can tweet him about your post today. Ya just never know. Good luck.

    • Lynn
      February 22, 2011

      He has a twitter account but i totally need his stream flooded to see my post. Wel shall see what we shall see.

  5. Brittany at Mommy Words
    February 22, 2011

    It may be a long time but I remember how to make special brownies. And WHAT? Greensboro? I need to get my tush up there to see that! You would be fabulous darling!

    • Lynn
      February 22, 2011

      yeah, i bet he’s coming there too cuz he’s also going to DPAC in durham. Come up here!

  6. Jessica
    February 22, 2011

    You should try and find a way to email this to him along with the number of comments you had on it along with the stats for how many times it was viewed. Maybe that would catch his attention.

    • Lynn
      February 22, 2011

      Yeah, I have no idea what his email address is but that’s a good idea! I’ll check it out!

  7. Ellen B.
    February 22, 2011

    I’m sure he will jump right on that suggestion

    • Lynn
      February 22, 2011

      And yet? I’m still waiting…

  8. Leigh Ann
    February 22, 2011

    Lynn, if that above comment is actually from the Maher,then I would call this a semi success. I’m all a flutter just reading it. Do you think it could actually be?

    • Lynn
      February 22, 2011

      Well, somebody pointed out that he is really not into religion and since God was referenced, it’s probably just a troll…but still, it’s pretty damn funny.

  9. Robin
    February 22, 2011

    Wow Lynn. I’ve think you’ve hit the mark. I’d go for Conan. You’ve got to start somewhere!

    • Lynn
      February 22, 2011

      Robin, i don’t think that’s really Bill Maher, but i do like Conan as well. We shall reassess after the day!

  10. notblessedmama
    February 22, 2011

    well, he had that dog from family guy on, so to not have you on would just be really rude, i think.
    (ok, family guy had him on, technically, but still)

    • Lynn
      February 22, 2011

      Hahaha…well, I feel that if he met me he’d have me on…but thats the problem, actually getting him to read my letter…the dog from family guy is really smart though…his name is Brian

  11. 30ish Mama
    February 22, 2011

    How about a Facebook fan page devoted to getting you on the Bill Maher show, kinda like the way Betty White got to host SNL?

    • Lynn
      February 22, 2011

      Thats hilarious! I just don’t really know that many people…I don’t even have that many followers. Thanks for the idea though

  12. Alexandra
    February 22, 2011

    I think that you first need to find out if this really reaches Bill Maher. No sense in wasting tweets, time, energy, etc..

    Good Luck!

    • Lynn
      February 22, 2011

      Hahaha…I can’t imagine this reached him! His twitter stream is pretty crowded so I’m really not counting on it…I’ll just have to keep trying

  13. FranceRants
    February 22, 2011

    One word: boo-bies

    You know what to do.

    • Lynn
      February 22, 2011

      Hahaha…I think I’m just a little bit too old for that! Great suggestion though

  14. By Word of Mouth Musings
    March 13, 2011

    Don’t show the man your breasts thats all I am saying ;)
    and you are way cleverer …

    • Lynn
      March 13, 2011

      Hahaha…not to worry about that!

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