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In which i bought Hooker Boots

Last year, since I have two kids down at Duke University, I decided to buy season tickets to the “Broadway series” at Durham Performing Arts Center (DPAC). This way, we were assured of seeing the girls at least every few months with the added benefit of seeing such musicals as Wicked, Spring Awakening and last night, Billy Elliot. The line up is incredible, and other than the one hour drive in each direction, it is totally worth it. So, last night Kevin, Daniel and I hopped in the car and headed down to Durham. Of course, getting there in time for dinner is difficult because Kevin, who normally works until around 7:00, has to leave around 4:30 so we can take off at 5:00 to have dinner before the show. We had actually planned to skip the dinner but then we wouldn’t actually get to “talk” to the girls at all so Kevin made the sacrifice and we left for Durham.

It was raining really hard and I drove because Kevin didn’t want to mess up his brand new car. Also, I get motion sickness easily, so I usually drive any way. So we killed ourselves getting down there. We were running late and I dropped Kevin and Daniel at Mellow Mushroom and go to the parking deck to park the car. By the time I got in there, I could see a bunch of glowering MacDonalds’. Is the first thing my girls say to me hello? No, it’s Keely saying “Mom, are you going to wear that outfit every time you come down here?” And I’m thinking, “Great, it’s going to be one of these evenings.” So I thought I could share a little history on that statement:

When Keely and I were in London, there was really only one item I wanted to purchase. I wanted a really nice travel pocketbook. I don’t usually carry pocketbooks but I wanted a large one so I didn’t have to travel with two smaller bags like I did on the trip to London. This was because my iPad didn’t fit into my pocketbook along with all the other travel paraphernalia. So, I found a Miu Miu pocketbook but it was brown and I wanted black so I didn’t buy it. It was my first day in London and I figured I had time to find the one I wanted. Fast forward a few days and I still hadn’t found another pocketbook so when my cousin and I were shopping on Oxford Street, we went into the Miu Miu boutique to browse. The pocketbook wasn’t cheap but I never shop so I figured I could make it my Christmas present (even though it was October). We walked into Miu Miu and they were handing out free champagne. Apparently, it was their Grand Opening. My cousin sat down and had some champagne and I was looking around but I still didn’t see the pocketbook I wanted. She tried on a pair of shoes and told me to relax because she wasn’t going anywhere and was going to sit and drink her champagne. So I was sitting there when the following conversation took place:

Sales Lady:       “Why don’t you try on some shoes?”

Me:                   “I don’t really need any shoes?”

Sales Lady:       “How about some boots?”

Me:                   (I see these over the knee-high boots with some serious heels)

                        “Holy shit! Those boots are crazy, who would wear them?”

Sales Lady:       “You could wear them.”

Me:                  “Are you kidding me, they have 8 inch heels?”

Sales Lady:      “Try them on!”

Cousin:            “Yeah Lynn, try them on. I’m not ready to leave!” (yes, I hold her completely responsible for what went down after this)

Me:                  “OK, what the hell!”

                        (Yeah, I’m easy. So I tell her my size and she runs off to get these crazy boots for me to try on)

Me:                  “Holy Shit! These things are amazing”

(… and they are! They come up above the knee and have about an 8 inch heel but there’s a platform on them so they’re pretty comfortable and I’m about 6’ tall and they are fucking awesome)

Sales Lady:      “You should buy them”

Cousin:            “Wow Lynn, those are amazing on you!”

Me:                  “There is no way I would EVER buy these boots. I live in Greensboro, North Carolina. Where the hell would I EVER wear these? They ARE astonishing looking though.”

(I spot another pair that’s also over the knee but they’re flats and they lace up the back)

Me:                 “How about that pair? They look more practical”

(PRACTICAL? I’m already in justification mode here. So they bring me that pair and I try them on…they’re unbelievably BAD ASS!)

Me:                “Oh my god…these are awesome. How much are they?”

(they tell me and I faint … after I’m revived everybody is trying me to convince me to buy them.)

Me:                “Kevin will kill me…maybe I should text him”

So I sent Kevin a picture of the boots with the words “Christmas present?” on them. Of course, I didn’t get an answer back so I promptly bought them. When I told Keely that I bought the over the knee boots she says “Mom, I told you I wanted over the knee boots! I can’t believe you would buy some”. I mean, she wears socks and underwear and so do I, what’s the big deal, RIGHT? I can’t have some just because she wants some?

At any rate, I call and tell Kevin that I bought the boots and he said “Yeah, the moment you sent me the text I told Andie, she’s already decided to buy them and this is her way of breaking the news to me”. HAHAHA these people surely do know me.

So, I bought the boots and Keely and Andie said, “You’re probably never going to wear them.” About two weeks ago Kevin and I went down to Duke for Parents Weekend to go out to dinner with Keely, Andie, Andie’s friend and her parents. I wore the boots! Here was the conversation that ensued:

Andie:                 “So, those boots aren’t as bad as I thought they were going to be.”

Me:                     “What does that mean?”

Andie:                “I thought they were going to be thigh high and they’re not”

Me:                     “Thigh high?”

Andie:                  “And I thought they were going to be shiny?”

Me:                      “Shiny?”

Andie:                  “Yeah, you know … shiny … and thigh high”

Me:                       “You thought I bought HOOKER BOOTS?”

Andie:                    “I guess.”

Me:                      “I’m 51 and you thought I bought HOOKER BOOTS? Why do you think I would do that?”

Andie:                  “I don’t know… I just figured they talked you into it”

So, that’s what my kids think of me. They think I’m the type of person who would just get talked into buying HOOKER BOOTS. So, yesterday I decided to wear the same boots down to Durham. Now back to the original conversation:

Keely:                    “Mom, are you going to wear that outfit every time we see you?”

Me:                       “This isn’t the same outfit”

Keely:                    “Practically” (with the appropriate sneer)

Me:                      “These are different pants, and this is a different sweater”

Keely:                   “Whatever. You’re wearing the same boots.”

Oh my god. First they tell me that it was a stupid buy because I would never wear them. Then I’m informed they’re Hooker Boots (although a friend of mine pointed out that since they’re incredibly expensive, they’re actually more like HIGH PRICE ESCORT BOOTS), and now I’m told that I’m wearing them too much. I can’t fucking win with these girls.

At any rate, I like the boots and I feel like a BAD ASS in them. To be honest, the only worry I had when I bought them was that they were “too young” for me. But now that I think about it, it’s only right that I have hooker boots. After all, I am an “American Whore” and I’m much better looking than a “Swedish Whore” (see Best Compliment Ever for that story). So, if you see an old lady in “hooker boots”, that’s me!

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12 Comments

  1. krm1989
    November 22, 2010

    Can't wait to see them i'm sure they're awesome. I once let my roommate talk me into buying "stripper heels." They are also awesome

  2. Copyboy
    November 22, 2010

    Miu Miu zip. Thigh highs YES!! Glad you went with the latter. You look great!

  3. Sarah
    November 22, 2010

    Oh those are nifty!! Guess what? I've got a pair of thigh highs to, with heels, but not shiny. Half-Hooker Boots – yeh!

    I bought them in the summer so haven't had a chance to wear them yet (and I'm working up the courage although I could fold the tops over so i'm told), but my dearly beloved thinks they are excellent so seeing as the temp is dropping, I'll be able to put them on (but not to work…)!

    47 and my first ever Half-Hooker Boots. There's living dangerously for you!!

  4. Naz Keynejad
    November 22, 2010

    You look hot in your "highly paid escort" boots ;-)

  5. Lynn MacDonald
    November 22, 2010

    thanks…"highly paid escort boots". that's what i meant to say!!!

  6. Red Shoes
    November 22, 2010

    'Hooker boots?!?!?!'

    I wanna see photos of the boots!!!!

    I saw a former student out one night… pointed out to her that her 'Fuck Me Now' shoes were dangerous… she assured me that they weren't…

    A week later she was sporting a cast and crutches.. of course, that wasn't the kind of 'dangerous' I meant.. :oD

    ~shoes~

  7. The mad woman behind the blog
    November 22, 2010

    I am sad to report that my hooker boots haven't made it out of the bedroom but once.

    Okay, maybe not sad.

    You go girl, rock you boots. Those silly girls don't know what they're talking about!

  8. GutsyWriter
    November 22, 2010

    Are you wearing them in the picture. Everything is black that I couldn't tell. I might be getting older, but I thought you were giving us a visual.
    great story. I shopped on Oxford Street this May.

  9. Emma Jayne
    November 23, 2010

    Gurrrlll! You look hawt in those boots. And tell your daughter, the level of ho-ness is directly correlated to the highness of heel.

  10. Anonymous
    November 23, 2010

    Those boots are totally "hot" and "chic"!!! Enjoy them everytime you wear them and I bet it won't be too long before your girls are asking to wear them. Besides…..no hooker is going to wear flat boots, right? HAHA!

  11. Robin
    November 28, 2010

    OMG! Love this!

  12. Robin
    November 28, 2010

    OMG! Love this!

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