This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!
I’ve started playing bridge. Not well, but I’m playing. I haven’t played bridge since I was in college. I used to play with a bunch of boys back then. We’d basically sit down and do bong hits and play cards. When I was in college everybody used to play Spades or Hearts but the guys figured “hey, we go to Johns Hopkins so we should just play bridge” so that’s exactly what we did.
Anyway, fast-forward about 33 years and I’ve started again but this time I’m playing with some people who have been playing for a while. I’ve only played twice so far and I figured it would all come back pretty quickly but here’s a typical interaction:
Judy: So Lynn, Aces are 4 points, Kings are 3, Queens are 2 and Jacks are 1. Got it?
Me: Got it
Judy: If you only have two of a suit and 1 point. If you have none of a suit add 2 points. Got it?
Me: Got it
So she deals and everybody organizes their hands and they tell me to add up my points.
Judy: Lynn, do you have 10 points
Me: shit … I forget. Let me re-add them. (so I do the math and I do) YES!
Judy: Ok … so I bid … (and she does her bid)
Eventually it gets around to me and it’s my turn to bid.
Judy: so Lynn, if you have more than X points and only 1 of that suit than bid yada, yada, yada
Me: shit … I forgot how many points I had (so I do the math and have re-add them up) . Nope I don’t have that
Judy: ok, then you pass
And the bidding goes around again and we get back to me and Judy asks me another question about points and OF COURSE, I say SHIT, I forgot again
So basically, I add up my points and the minute anybody asks me about them I forget what was in my head. Meanwhile, they’re sitting there talking about each move like Omar Sharif in the paper saying that ordinarily they’d do this and that and what should they do.
Me: I don’t remember this point thing in college.
Judy: I’m sure you had points
Me: pretty sure that we were stoned and were just winging the entire thing. I mean, I was a math major. I think I would have remembered doing some math outside of class.
And then they all looked at me like I was crazy.
Me: I mean, because I’ve never actually played bridge when I wasn’t stoned before, until the other week that is.
So that’s what it’s like hanging out with me. hahahaha