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In which i comment on The Bloggess’s post

Comment

Last week, (I think it was last week) The Bloggess wrote THIS POST about how sometimes she just feels like a fuck-up who has accomplished nothing in the world.  Now as we all know, she has accomplished more than many of us and yet, she has that feeling.  More than 4000 people responded to that post with their version of “me too” and I thought it was interesting. She has also helped with Suicide Prevention and she is an incredible ambassador for people with emotional issues.

 

As a person who is bi-polar, although admittedly functional, I too can relate to that feeling.  WITH. ONE. KEY. DIFFERENCE.

 

I don’t think there’s a person on earth who at one time or another hasn’t felt lost, like a loser, like a fuck-up or just plain wanted to disappear.  Most humans have that thought and just move on but many people who have anxiety or are manic-depressive or are just plain OCD get “stuck” in that feeling.  At that point, many people can’t get out of bed or just want to commit suicide.

 

I agree with The Bloggess that talking about the subject and making it less taboo is a great thing to do.  It’s always important to know that you’re not alone.  I guess one of the fundamental differences between my point of view and hers might be due to age.  I’m 54 and although I’m not entirely sure how old she is, I’d guess in the late 30’s.

 

What I’ve really learned in my 54 years and that I don’t compare myself to other people.  She was pointing out that the “PTA mom’s” and such made her feel like a failure.  I’ve learned that there is no single person that I have ever met who doesn’t have issues.  Most people just don’t wear them on their sleeves.

 

I remember when my kids were in lower school talking to another mom whose daughter was incredibly pretty and popular as well as a good athlete.  It turns out that homework time was so stressful in their house that wine was required to recuperate.  In other words, her kids were struggling with school, which my kids found incredibly easy.

 

I learned that day that NOBODY gets off free and there’s always a payment of sorts; you just can’t see it.  It was at that point that I decided that I would just recognize my good traits and balance that against my bad traits.

 

I too have bad days that are basically “wasted.”  Just yesterday, I accomplished absolutely nothing and spent the day just lying in bed with my dog. (That sounded worse than it was).  Obviously, had there been a life or death matter I would have dealt with it but the simple truth was I was in a crap mood and didn’t feel like it.  That’s ok people, that’s ok.

 

When you have kids and a family there are obviously things you need to get done but every day of your life doesn’t have to be an unqualified success to be leading a successful life.  I have lost days all the time where I don’t do anything.  Of course, I have days where I do everything.  When you have mood swings that’s to be expected.  The biggest thing I don’t do is compare myself to those “happy” people I know.  I don’t look at other mom’s and think, “Why can’t I be like that?”  I like how I am, for better or worse.

 

The same personality that makes me funny and clever makes me sad and morose.  The creativity and the laziness go hand in hand.  At some point, what other moms or other people do should have no bearing on how you live.

 

Life is difficult when you have emotional issues and it’s even more difficult when you spend your time comparing yourself to those who don’t.  You are you and I’m sure, if you try, you can find some very compelling reasons to like yourself.

 

So basically, instead of thinking about what you DON’T bring to the world, why don’t you think about what you do and even if you only enhance one little area or one person, that’s more than nothing.

 

After all, you can only work with what you were given.  I thought The Bloggess’s article was great and I read a great many of the responses and I loved that people can admit their insecurities but mostly I just wanna say to everyone that if you don’t like yourself and accept yourself for who you are, how can you expect anyone else too?

 

My kids say that I have “too much” self-esteem but it’s not that, it’s just that I’ve long ago accepted that craziness that is as much a part of me as anything else.  I was lucky that I found a partner who not only accepts it but embraces it.  I hope you can too.

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18 Comments

  1. Elizabeth
    September 12, 2013

    WOW! One of your best posts!

    • Lynn
      September 12, 2013

      thanks

  2. Name *
    September 12, 2013

    Love this post Lynn! I also had read the Bloggess’s post and loved it! I have GAD and suffered a couple of times through months of depression, This all started 9 years ago when my 15 year old son was killed in a car accident. I have 4 other children to still mother, Thank God! I found myself doing the “I wish I could be more like so in so” I have now stopped that. I have a wonderful husband, who loves and supports me, pretty great kids if you ask me and I really do like me most days! Some days I’m wonder woman, other days I’m shacky, feel sick to my stomach, don’t know what brings it on but I don’t fight it anymore. Those days I take it easy on the couch and find something crappy to watch and it passes. Thanks for keeping it real!

    • Lynn
      September 12, 2013

      thank you…sorry about your son. That’s certainly difficult to get through.

  3. Julie
    September 12, 2013

    Genius. Pure genius. Self acceptance sounds so simple but can be monumental for so many.

    • Lynn
      September 12, 2013

      Julie, you’re the best reader…

  4. Janet
    September 12, 2013

    Good perspective, Lynn! I totally agree. My mom taught me not to be jealous of others, because you just don’t know what they are going through in their lives and that becomes clearer the older we get! Just dealing with your own life and not comparing yourself to others will make you a happier person.

    • Lynn
      September 12, 2013

      thanks Janet, and thanks for commenting

  5. Katja
    September 12, 2013

    I think you are absolutely correct Lynn. With age you gain a lot of things:

    Experience… Compassion… Empathy… Maturity…

    You have weathered a few storms and you have learned to survive but you have also become wiser. You know that everyone is fighting their own battles and therefore you don’t envy them. In fact BECAUSE you have survived your life battles you have become so strong that you don’t long for the approval of others anymore. You accept the woman that you are and that is the most wonderful feeling in the world!

    • Lynn
      September 12, 2013

      Agreed

  6. Hope
    September 12, 2013

    It’s such a hard thing for most of us, to ignore the temptation to be in a constant state of comparison. I’m glad there’s one person out there who’s doing it! Great post.

    I’ve been struggling with this same issue for a long time, and suddenly in my mid-thirties I guess my brain has decided it’s time to tackle it and get it over with :)

    • Lynn
      September 12, 2013

      That’s great…earlier than most

  7. Paula
    September 12, 2013

    ” I don’t look at other mom’s and think, “Why can’t I be like that?” I like how I am, for better or worse.”

    I do that all time. I have two small children and always wonder why I can’t be like my “friends” on Facebook that have kids. But I remind myself that my kids are happy and they love me so I can’t be doing as bad as I think. Thanks

    • Lynn
      September 12, 2013

      It’s hard to accept yourself and not compare but you’ll be better for it.

  8. saskgilbert
    September 12, 2013

    It is something I appreciate now that I’m in my 50’s … that the overwhelming drama of my youth has morphed into something approaching peace or acceptance maybe. I see how people are different than I am and now I can appreciate those differences and enjoy the opportunity to share in those differences … instead of doing the ‘Why aren’t I … Why can’t I … I’m so bad’ litany. To be myself, to appreciate I am unique … and whatever it is that I have or will contribute to this life … only I could have done that.

    • Lynn
      September 12, 2013

      Yeah…takes a while to get there

  9. chacha1
    September 17, 2013

    “every day of your life doesn’t have to be an unqualified success to be leading a successful life”

    Brilliant, darling.

    At 47 and perimenopausal, I am having hormonal mood swings; and when the mood swings down I just trust that the things that HAD to get done are done … everything else is optional.

    • Lynn
      September 17, 2013

      Thank you

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