This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i continue to reconnect … poorly

Saturday, I woke up exhausted after about 3 hours sleep but after copious amounts of coffee and a work out, I was ready to join my friends and make the trek up to Hopkins for the Crab cake luncheon and the lacrosse game.  Later that night, we would have the official “Class of 81” party but this luncheon was held in a huge tent on the lawn.


I hung out with my swimming friends, met a few other people and what I can mostly say about all this is that “once a nouveau riche name dropper, always a nouveau riche name dropper.”  Honestly: some people don’t change.  I did meet a few nice people that I had never met before but mostly I wondered how I could have gone to such a small school and still ended up knowing so few of my fellow classmates.


I mean, I know that I hung out with people so who were they?  Let’s fast forward through the lacrosse game and such…it was completely uneventful and we actually left early.  Monika and I then relaxed throughout the afternoon and vaguely wondered who would be at the party and more importantly, would we remember them and what would they look like?


For the most part, the people I actually KNEW looked pretty good.  Lots of missing hair on the guys and a few pounds gained, but pretty similar.  What was amazing was that I hardly knew any of the people there at all.  I think some of the things that are most fun about evenings like this are catching up with people that you barely knew in college; that were really on the periphery of your experience.  I’m going to recount some of those conversations now:


N:        Lynn, how are you? (long boring how are you, what do you do crap where I throw in all my bullshit…. Yada, yada, yada) … Did you know that you were the second person I met at Hopkins on move in day?


Me:      No, I didn’t know that?


N:        Yeah, I knew Debbie (room next door…awesome, had a single room, smart, talented, demented, and later dropped out of school never to be seen again) from the luncheon the day before school and you walked out of your room and had this gigantic personality.


Me:      Ummm…what?


N:        Yeah…you walked right up to us with Patty and Beth (room across the hall) and just said “HELLO, I’m Lynn” and then we were swept along in the tide that was you.


Me:      Ummm…wow, I don’t actually remember that. (I didn’t realize that I had been so outgoing back then.  That doesn’t sound like such a mean girl thing now does it?)


Another one:


J:          Lynn, remember when you were the statistician for our intramural basketball team?


Me:      I remember I was the statistician. (Which by the way, was ridiculous because these guys totally wanted their stats kept for an intramural league but I was madly in love with one of them so I agreed to do it) But, you weren’t on the team were you?  I mean you were on the Varsity basketball team.


J:          No, I was the coach!


Me:      I didn’t remember that.  I just remember how silly those guys were for wanting their stats recorded.  I can’t believe they had a coach too.  No wonder I did shitty in school.  I was always doing stupid crap.


And another one:


Me:      I can’t believe we weren’t friends in college and we didn’t start talking until these reunions.


P:         I can’t either. I knew who you were and we had a ton of mutual friends but we never hung out.


Me:      By the time we’re 70, we’re going to be best friends and all the others are going to be jealous.


And some observations:


Me:      That can’t be her.  She used to be so tan she looked like she had shit on her face.  That’s like some washed out version of who she was.




Me:      I’m sorry, did I know you back then? Wait, you knew me?  Why didn’t I know anybody back then?




Me:      There’s no way that guys in Finance.  He was dumb as shit.  Are there no requirements to be successful now?



So yeah, I was pretty much running a commentary after meeting some people.



After the party was over, we met a bunch of the old basketball players in the bar at the Hotel Monaco.  I think I told you that because I was a gym rat, I knew all the athletes.   It was so much fun listening to them all ragging on each other and reminiscing.  At any rate, there’s one guy I don’t recognize AT ALL but we eventually have a chat.


Me:      So who are you?


Him:    I’m so and so (honestly, I don’t remember his name…I wish I did…you’ll see why).


Me:      Did you know me in college? (I’ve just found this easier to get that out on the table from the get go.  Did I not know you or were you just so unimportant to me that I did know you but I now have no fucking clue who you are?)


Him:    I knew you but I don’t think you knew me.  (ahhh…that’s easier…I already have an excuse for not knowing who the hell you are)


Me:      So blank (I don’t remember his name..see above), what do you do?


Him:    I have a massive mailing list of about 1 ½ million people that I send emails out to for pay.


Me:      What? What the hell does that mean?


Him:    For example, I just sent out a huge email for Donald Trump and the birthers about Obama’s birth certificate.


Me:      (stunned) Wait! You’re a birther?


Him:    Well, actually yes.  Because …. (and then he launches into this explanation but I wasn’t really listening because I couldn’t believe I was actually listening to this conversation. Clearly I’d had too much to drink.)


Me:      Wait, wait, wait.  I’m in shock.  So, are you a right wing religious fanatic tea partier?


Him:    I don’t think I’m a fanatic.  I just have these strong beliefs.


Me:      Well, I’m not really sure I want to get into this.


Him:    Ok, what do you do?


Me:      I actually have this blog but I’m pretty sure you won’t like it.


Him:    Why?


Me:      It’s a humor blog called All Fooked Up.


Him:    I have a sense of humor too!


Me:      ummm….


Him:    I just do that for a living.  I sent out the emails.  People hire me.  For example, you could hire me to send out an email about your blog.


Me:      First of all, I’m pretty sure that your email list is NOT my target audience.  Second of all, even if it were my target audience I would be in the process of manipulating you to send out something for me for free.  There’s no way in hell I’m paying for all that.


Him:    We could send something out and rally the troops against you.  Then you could get a lot of hate mail and that would kick your blog up a notch.


Me:      You know, my blog is really just a hobby and a way of me writing a book.  I’m not really interested in getting into a gigantic shitstorm with a bunch of right wing fanatics.


Him:    What is your goal then? (Like those are the only two choices of a goal)


Me:      I think I’d be happy with a thousand people a day reading my blog.


Him:    Well, what you do is tell your readers you want 1000 readers a day and whomever brings in the thousandth reader gets some prize money, a couple of hundred dollars.


Me:      So, I bribe them to read my blog?


Him:    No, it’s a promotion.


Me:      I’m not buying any readers.   Let’s just forget about it.  I already had enough of that crap with the clusterfuck I had about circumcision.  I don’t need any more issues.


And later we were discussing gays as one member of our group is gay and he tells me:


Him:    My father is one of the most famous homophobes in America.


(Honestly, I’m stunned.  Firstly, who admits this? Secondly, I don’t think this is a great thing? And thirdly WHO ADMITS THIS?)


Me:      What? There’s a ranking system for homophobes?  Are you a homophobe?


Him:    Well, I believe its wrong and men and women should be together but I don’t hate them.  (No, you just have 1½ million people that you email to hate them for you)


Me:      I don’t even know what to say about all this.  Why can’t you people just live and let live?  You believe what you want to believe and I’ll believe what I want to believe and we’d all be good.


Him:    When people feel strongly about something they feel the need to spread the word.


Me:      I know, that’s why I have people ringing my doorbell all the time to bug the everloving shit out of me.


(And I was done … I truly, couldn’t take it anymore and turned back to the awesome conversation on the left.  This is what happens when I try to be open and meet new people.  Do you see why I’m such a bitch now people, DO YOU?  And how was this guy in my class at Hopkins anyways? )


So there you are! That was my reunion.  I have five years to get into shape for the next one.  I mean, I’m just saying…




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  1. Pixi
    May 4, 2011

    Hilarious!! Sounds like a wild adventure, Lynn.

    “My father is one of the most famous homophobes in America.”

    And then I spit out my coffee.

    • Lynn
      May 4, 2011

      I know right? I was thinking YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!! weird…

  2. Wow, sounds like an interesting night! One day, you will have a thousand people reading your blog. Or do you already? :-)
    Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..How @Twitter has RuinedMyLifeMy Profile

    • Lynn
      May 4, 2011

      nope, nowhere even close. Of course, the fact that i don’t post it anywhere but here and spend no time actually spreading the word on it might have something to do with it. Maybe i should have had 1 1/2 million haters. That’s a lot of hits111

  3. Lady Estrogen
    May 4, 2011

    I love how you were the statistician because you had the hots for one of the guys. HAHAHA!
    Lady Estrogen recently posted..Im Freakin Published!My Profile

    • Lynn
      May 4, 2011

      Yeah…I would have done anything for him. Of course, he was beyond good looking!!!!BEYOND

  4. Erin Margolin
    May 4, 2011

    speechless. can’t believe he was almost bragging about his dad in that way. even more? i have trouble associating with/understanding people who can’t just leave gay people alone, even if they disagree with it. we are each responsible for ourselves, that’s it. gay, straight, bi, purple…..who cares?!?!?

    funny shit!

    • Lynn
      May 4, 2011

      I know right? I thought I must have heard wrong because I’d been drinking! I would never have thought that I’d ever have a conversation like that. EVER!!!!

  5. patty
    May 6, 2011

    Great to hear your recount of the bar conversation. OMG!!! I didn’t pay attention to your conversation, thankfully. Too much. I much prefer the story of Mary Jane and the ice cream. . .

    • Lynn
      May 6, 2011

      honestly, the guy was nuts…i was like WHAT?????? you’re lucky you missed it

  6. redheadstepmom
    May 6, 2011

    That does it. I just receive my class reunion announcement (SMU, ’86) and put it on the fridge door to mull. I think you just summed up the experience for me. Thanks for saving me the airfare and, more importantly, from trying to drop 40 lbs in 5 months …

    • Lynn
      May 7, 2011

      Hahaha…I had a great time though reconnecting with many of my good friends.

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