This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i describe my mother-mother-daughter talk

As I was pondering what to write about last night, I had decided on talking about my first date with my husband Kevin. However, I realized I couldn’t discuss my first date until I actually explained how I met him. Upon further thought, I realized that I couldn’t even describe that evening without bringing up the famous “mother-mother-daughter talk” I had in New York prior to meeting him.

A little history here: I was living in New York City working for International Paper Company (the job I got in a Chinese restaurant, but, that’s a story for another day). I was 25 years old and my mother was despairing that I would “never find a man”. My parents had come up to New York City to visit my brother Bruce and myself. I had been living up there a few years and Bruce came up after college to work in finance. At the time, I lived in Soho and Bruce lived in The Village.

I had already dated every worthless male within a two mile radius when my parents decided to come up to New York for a visit. I was close with both of my parents, even talked to my mom everyday, but I was absolutely, positively a DADDY’S GIRL. My mother was a “clothes horse” and I was a total slob. I wouldn’t say I was the bane of her existence, but I was close, and probably not at all what she had in mind when she had a daughter. But my dad … while I wouldn’t say I could do no wrong in his eyes (because I was constantly in trouble), that was a pretty accurate description. I was his constant shadow growing up, even when he was in his workshop doing woodwork. As a matter of fact, when I went off to college, where most girls would get a “trousseau” and pretty things, my dad bought me my own “handy, dandy tool kit”. So that’s the relationship I had with my parents.

I begin the story when I went up to see my parents in their hotel room before dinner and the conversation began:

Mom:           “Jerry (my dad), you need to sit on the bed and keep your mouth shut so I can have a conversation with Lynn”.

Dad:             “Why can’t I talk?”

Mom:           “Because this is a mother-daughter conversation”.

Dad:            “Okay”

Me:             “Oh shit!”

Mom:          “Lynn, I’m worried that you will never catch a man.”

Me:            “Are you kidding me mom, I spend my life hanging out with guys.  Why would you think something like that?”

Mom:         “I think you need to be more mysterious.”

Me:            “What should I do? Should I wear a black veil over my face? What does that even mean?”

Mom:          “I think you scare guys. You come on too strong … just keep a little of yourself more hidden”

Me:             “Ok. Let’s examine this. I keep myself hidden, start dating a guy and one day the real me shows up and the guy goes, HOLY SHIT …and promptly dumps me because … I’M NOT THAT GIRL!”

Dad:           “Can I speak up for a moment as a mother here.”

Mom:         “No!”

Me:             “Yes!”

Dad:            “I agree with Lynn…she should be herself. One day she will meet a guy who can handle that about her.”

Me:             “Thanks dad.”

Mom:          “I give up.”

Okay. So that’s it. It was the talk that became known as our famous “Mother-mother-daughter” talk. It was a hilarious episode in my life and we talked about it all the time. Soon afterwards, I met my husband in a bar and we’ve been together for 25 years.

However, each year on Mother’s Day I sent both of my parents Mother’s Day cards. This went on until their death. I will never forget the conversation… or the conclusion … which is JUST BE YOURSELF … eventually someone will be too drunk to notice you’re a hardass and they will date you.

I’m just saying …

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3 Comments

  1. Robin
    August 24, 2010

    I seriously think I should have been in on that "talk". Maybe I wouldn't have married the jackass I did. :-o

  2. cpp
    August 29, 2010

    I was always jealous…your dad Loved you sooo much!

  3. akbeckster
    August 29, 2010

    oh how I can relate to this…

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