This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i discuss a frying pan

I just went into my kitchen, a place I occasionally stop by to get something to eat, when I discovered a large frying pan, “soaking” beside the sink. I often discover things soaking in or near my sink because the very act of ACTUALLY CLEANING the pots and pans is obviously left for the tooth fairy. Everyone in the family (excluding me) seems to think that as long as dirty objects make it to the sink, then they will be magically taken care of. That’s quite true as long as I’m around. Now, I guess it sounds terrible to complain about this as I don’t actually do the cooking, and in this case Kevin was making dinner for himself and Daniel. That sounds worse than it actually is because it was last Thursday which was THE FIRST OFFICIAL FOOTBALL GAME OF THE NFL SEASON so of course, in my house, this is a VERY BIG DEAL!

To celebrate, Kevin and Daniel decided that they would eat a disgusting meal of sausage and pepper subs. You could hardly expect me to participate in such a ridiculous activity so I bowed out and had my own dinner. I’m not a foodie. As long as I get to consume copious amounts of chocolate each day, I can live on yogurt and cottage cheese to satisfy the other three food groups. So, Kevin and Daniel grilled their sausages outside and used a huge frying pan to cook the peppers and onions. Here’s where I come in.

So I walk into my kitchen later that night and find the aforementioned “soaking” frying pan. These things can soak up to a week at a time until someone, usually someone named Lynn MacDonald, gets sick of this. Although I’m not big on CLEANING, I cannot stand chaos. Therefore, while my house isn’t always “clean” it is always neat. Everything is in its place and things are stacked and orderly as I can’t stand disorder so you can imagine how this “soaking frying pan” stuff drives me crazy. I’m convinced that my family leaves stuff out just to send me into therapy.

Even my therapist is in on it. Seriously, I go to a shrink every week, have for over 20 years. I sit on the couch and across from the couch there are bookshelves. There are millions of magazines and books on these bookshelves and not a single one is lined up properly. They are at all angles, falling all over the place, and in total disarray. Making matters even worse, he has some board games on the shelves and the Monopoly game is on top of Scrabble, which is obviously a smaller box. On the bottom is a Puzzle which is smaller still. I’m convinced he does this to keep me crazy and that’s why I’ve been in therapy for 20 years. If he would simply put the larger box on the bottom and move on up in a pyramid, I could have been fixed 15 years ago. In a way, it’s a shrewd move. I mean I’ve got to be his longest term patient and at this point I’m an annuity and I doubt the guy could live without me. When I asked him if he could just straighten up the bookshelves, he said “Lynn, why do they bother you so much?” Seriously, I’m not paying a ton of money to come in there and discuss his bookshelves. I’ve got plenty of other things that drive me crazy, like soaking frying pans! Anyways, I believe I’ve gotten off topic.

I asked Kevin why he leaves the frying pan there for days on end and he replied, “I know that at some point it will bug you and you’ll clean it up.” So for all those folks out there who have been feeling so damn sorry for Kevin, don’t. Feel sorry for me and my poor dishpan hands.

I mean, I’m just saying…

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One Comment

  1. Anonymous
    September 15, 2010

    LOL!!! You really do need therapy! But, I'm wondering if you possibly need ADD meds to help with your thoughts that seem to "sling from one extreme to another?" How does anyone become compulsive about a dirty soaking frying pan (which, by the way, I must agree is definitely "unnerving!) and switch gears "mid thought" to discussing the magazines that are not lined up properly and the boxes that are not in sized order at you shrinks office? Now this truly is funny! Maybe you should take those boxes down, look at them, and then put them back on the shelf sized accordingly at your next appointment! As for the magazines and books, that could take a long time to fix so maybe you should consider making a separate appointment in the same week to go in and organize….at which time you would charge him the same fee he charges you! Add that all up and you've actually got 2 therapeutic appointments taken care of at "No Charge!!!! Now that would be "genius" and soooooo…..Lynn MacDonald!!!

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