This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i discuss mom blogging

Ok, so I’m online, writing the blog, being funnier than hell and yet, still not famous. Apparently, the next step is NETWORKING. What the hell is networking? Well, there are a billion “mom blogs” out there. Am I a mom blogger? I have no clue. I’m a mom. I’m blogging. So by using my mathematical prowess, I guess the only logical conclusion is that I’m a mom blogger.

As I said, there are billions of them out there and probably more joining them every day. So how do you stand out? How do you get noticed? Well, normally I wouldn’t give a shit about this stuff except for right now, for possibly the very first time in my life, I have a goal. Oops. Scratch that. I had a goal when I went to college: to become a doctor. GIGANTIC FAIL. I had a goal when I moved to New York: become a successful financial person. GIGANTIC FAIL. I had a goal when I got married: become a good wife. GIGANTIC LIE. Haha. I’m just fucking with you. I never have, and I’m not going to become, a good wife. Why should I? What’s in it for me? Anyways, good wife, good mom … whatever, been there done that. My new goal is to become a professional talk show guest (see earlier post. No, I don’t know which one, figure it out yourself).

So, how do I make myself stand out? I’ll tell you because I have been getting advice left and right. Here’s the normal game plan. Find blogs you like. (I can do that, there’s some funny women out there). Read the blogs (shit, I learned to read when I was 13, I can do that). Comment on the blogs (hmmm, do I say I like it? Do I try to be funny? How do I stand out? Maybe just be funny like, “by the way lady, this is funny but I’m pretty much funnier than you?” Maybe not.) Follow the blogs (I did. Now I got fucking homework every night). Make the blogger like you (shit, if making people like me was a cakewalk, I wouldn’t need to vent on the damn blog). Have them start recommending your blog (can’t comment. Haven’t gotten this far yet).

As you can see, it’s all about CONNECTIONS. Well, people who don’t know me always like me. It’s just the people who know me who can’t tolerate me. So, now I’m in the stage where I’m starting to Tweet to the bloggers I follow and with the women I like. Turns out there are quite a few of them. Yesterday, I wrote a serious post and I asked all these people to RT (that’s Re-tweet to you amateurs out there) it to the Twitter Universe. First of all, I was informed that asking about 20 people who don’t really know you specifically to RT your blog tweet is wrong (I had figured nothing ventured, nothing gained). Not only that, but apparently it’s irritating to your followers. Sorry, my bad! Shit, I forgot my second point but no matter. I tweeted it all out and I DID get more hits but alas, I still didn’t go viral.

It’s been three months and this stuff is more work than it would have seemed. If I had worked this hard in college I’d be a god damn surgeon now. At any rate, it’s pretty time consuming and it involves a lot of personal interaction (is it actually personal interaction if it’s over Twitter and email? Note to self: discuss this in a future posting). So, my days of doing nothing are over and now I spend my days tweeting, re-tweeting and just generally looking for other like-minded people on the internet.

I’m avoiding the nice, earnest people who want to discuss things like “being a better person” (don’t care; I like being a shitty person), providing for your family (hells no. The sooner my kids learn to fend for themselves, the better. As I told my mother in law, “Look Allison, your son is an adult. He should be able to take care of himself. If he wanted someone to cook and clean, he married the wrong damn woman.”), changing the world for the better (this is a very time consuming, lose-lose situation. Stresses me out just thinking about it), and especially the people who get on a soapbox to tell ME how to live MY life.

So what’s my point? I have no idea. I can’t even remember where this post began. I’m scrolling up to look. Oh yeah, I’m still not famous and I can see that a lot of work is going to be involved. Fortunately, I have a diabolical plan up my sleeve but I need to set things up first. At any rate, I’m out there tweeting, networking, commenting and looking for followers. Join me and we can change the world! (No we can’t, I’m just looking for a catchy little slogan).

I’m just saying…

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  1. Sarah
    December 1, 2010

    I'm not in a quest of any sort, but I have found that the more you visit and comment on other people's blogs, the more they'll visit yours and do similar.

    Once I got off my arse and took an interest I found that others took an interest too. It's a mutual scratching back situation.

  2. Lynn MacDonald
    December 1, 2010

    Yeah. I know and I'm doing it but my days of doing NOTHING are over. OH, the irony!

  3. Karla Telega
    December 1, 2010

    I'm in the same position. Reading your blog is a) funny, b) all part of my evil master plan for unbridled popularity. Bwa-ha-ha!

  4. AMotherhoodBlog
    December 1, 2010

    Ha you're totally right though. It's all about networking ;-) and yeah, it's work but you can connect with some really cool people, example: I found your blog via twitter and my many other "mommy blogger" friends (if you must categorize then so be it!) Love your posts, and yes, you're funnier than me :-P

  5. Anonymous
    December 1, 2010

    Through no fault of your own, you are about to go VIRAL. An inventive person has gotten hold of your blog and posted it in an Apple Store on every iPad in the damned place. People in an Apple store WILL talk. Soon the entire Apple universe will be consumed by updated versions of your blog. Welcome to the Viral world.

    Eponymous Anonymous

    PS: You can do this yourself at any Apple store, but that might seem like work!

  6. Emma Jayne
    December 1, 2010

    I hear ya, girl! It is a lot of work and the networking is more time-consuming than the writing. What a bitch! The moms with little ones drive me crazy with the cuteness. Been there. Avoiding that. I want to talk/read about sex, drugs (as in Estrogen replacement therapy) and rock n roll. Hang in there! It's sounds as if you've got some good advice coming your way.

  7. Anonymous
    December 1, 2010

    I give birth to read a scarcely any of the articles on your website now, and I definitely like your tastefulness of blogging. I added it to my favorites web stage roster and disposition be checking stand behind soon. Please report register out of order my orientation as well and vindicate me be familiar with what you think. Thanks.

  8. Brandi C.
    December 1, 2010

    Ok, first off…What the F#@k did the last Anonymous say?!

    And B…I'm right there with you girl. I simply want to be able to quit my day job to write full time and stay home on my lazy ass tricking people into thinking I'm a lot funnier than I really am. But it's ex-haus-ting! Gah!

  9. Alex
    December 1, 2010

    I recently started doing this. I started commenting and reading other people 's blogs and lord be hold I had more readers..( thats how I found this one), it is time consuming but its worth it. your funny as hell by the way!

  10. By Word of Mouth
    December 1, 2010

    Personally I believe if you and I were to weave a show around anonymous' rhetoric – we'd go viral, we'd also possibly be foaming at the mouth in which case our tv debut would probably be on an episode of House … but it would be more than 15 minutes of fame right?
    I think you are pretty funny, way funnier than me, I have too many people reading my blog that actually know me, like my kids and my husband (my parents don't read it because I mentioned penis once and they told me they don't read that sort of stuff so i can bitch and whine about them to my hearts content – until my kids tell them (I'm apparently also very long winded ….)

  11. bet365
    December 15, 2010

    hi I was fortunate to search your subject in wordpress
    your subject is wonderful
    I obtain a lot in your theme really thanks very much
    btw the theme of you site is really fine
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    • Lynn
      December 15, 2010

      well…i had it custom done so i don’t think you can find it anywhere. I’m glad you’re enjoying it though!

  12. Michael jackson beat it
    December 19, 2010

    Thank you! Fabulous resource – now I don’t have to keep searching :)

    • Lynn
      December 20, 2010

      Glad you like it!

  13. Tagged home
    December 24, 2010

    Thank. It makes me feel great when I read all these stories. It helps me from hopelessness and make me more stronger to fly… thank… for everything. Love

  14. Rock and roll hall of fame
    December 27, 2010

    Very interesting blog post. Your blog is swiftly getting to be among my top picks.

    • Lynn
      December 27, 2010

      Why thank you…hope to see you around then.

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