This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i discuss the dishwasher



When we built our new house, we decided to do something unique.  We decided to put the dishwasher immediately adjacent to the sink.  This was in the hopes that my three children could handle the enormous task of actually putting their dishes directly into the dishwasher rather than having to succumb to exhaustion and just put them in the sink.

Alas, although I FELT that this was something that was a reasonable expectation, apparently I was wrong.  The arduous task of actually getting the plates, cups and bowls that were used on a daily basis from the table to the sink proved to be overwhelming and NONE of my three children ever learned step two, which was moving said objects from the sink to the dishwasher.  The kids were 13, 11 and 9 when we moved in and now they’re 21, 19 and 17 and they STILL haven’t acquired this valuable skill. As a result, my sink often looked like this:

I would often enter my kitchen to find my children had disappeared and had left the chore of actually loading the dishwasher to me. At some point along the way, my husband decided that he too would just leave his dishes in the sink.  Now obviously, as a person who isn’t particularly concerned with details, leaving someone like me in charge of loading the dishwasher is a risky move.  I have no problem loading the dishwasher just like I have no problem doing the laundry.  The people who have problems are the OTHER individuals in my house, particularly my husband who never seems to approve of my half-assed way of doing things. On the rare occasions that my kids DO load the dishwasher, it looks like this:

Apparently, they just flip the stuff in the air, let the dishes fall where they may and hope nothing breaks.  I can think of no other reasonable explanation for the above “packing” job in the dishwasher.  This particular example was during Thanksgiving break when my girls had some friends over and they decided to make brownies.  Knowing that when I bake, I feel strongly about “cleaning up yourself,” they decided in a rare display of maturity, to load the dishwasher.  What you see there is the incredible job they did.

Now, I don’t really care but my husband, who is one step BEYOND anal, cares a great deal.  He spends copious amounts of time critiquing my dishwasher packing skills and actually will RELOAD the dishwasher because he doesn’t think that my methodology is either effective or efficient.  Very frankly, I don’t give a shit because if the stuff doesn’t all fit in, can’t I simply just run another load afterwards?

At any rate, if you had any idea how many times I have been lectured on the proper way to pack a dishwasher, you would be amazed.  So, as you can imagine when we walked in the kitchen the next morning and he saw the way the dishes were loaded in, he just flipped.

This is just a sampling of his rant:

“I don’t get it.  It’s not fucking rocket science.  It doesn’t take a college degree to load a dishwasher; it just takes the least bit of common sense.  One should know that glass shouldn’t be touching glass, that bowls should be nested.  Plates, bowls and glasses shouldn’t be all intermingled; they should be in their own area!  It’s a bad sign when cups end up upside down full of water at the end of the wash cycle!”

He was starting to get a full head of steam up and he continued on:

“…another thing that pisses me off is when people leave peanut butter on the knife or spoon and throw it in the dishwasher.  That stuff never comes off.  And what about when you guys let the milk dry out on the bottom of the glass.  Then it never comes clean!”

“… and furthermore, the reason that I don’t choose to load the dishwasher is because it’s guaranteed that at the end of the day, I’m going to have to reload the dishwasher again so we can run it, so why should I load it in the morning?”

“Are you finished?” I asked him laughing.

“It’s not funny.  I’m serious!” he replied with a look of disgust.

“I know you are,” I said, “but hey, which would you prefer?  A family that’s good at loading the dishwasher or a family that’s academically excellent?  Oh, and by the way… don’t you need to go fold the laundry now?” I mean, I’m just sayin’ ..

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38 Comments

  1. By Word of Mouth
    December 9, 2010

    Love the new layout, did you do this all by yourself?
    Although sadly, I am not on your list of friends,
    how could this happen,
    after I truly thought we were so bonded ;)

    Great website girlfriend – rocks it!

    • allfookedup
      December 9, 2010

      Hey, i will be updating my list as i gave that to the people who did my site a while ago. Sorry. Of course i didn’t do this by myself. I took in a million books of what i liked and paid somebody to do it. I don’t exert myself silly girl.

  2. Karla Telega
    December 9, 2010

    Does your husband also pack the car for long trips. I swear, we used to waste so much time waiting for my husband to get it just right. God forbid we should have to get something out before reaching our destination!

    Your website looks great! (Repeat to self: I shalt not covet my neighbor’s design.) Nah, not working.

    • allfookedup
      December 9, 2010

      My husband does pack the car for long trips…although i’m all about flying so really, long is about 5 hours for me. Thanks for loving the website. I have to admit…i’m pretty stoked…and i’m not supposed to be on yet…and they’re gonna get mad at me. oh no

  3. Sue Polinsky
    December 9, 2010

    We were thrilled to work with Lynn on her blog design. She’s got very specific wants and probably did more research than any other client we’ve had of recent memory. This is a great design for her; the logo IS Lynn and we enjoyed her specificity. This project was fun!

    • Lynn
      December 9, 2010

      Thanks Sue…i know i was a pain in the ass but it’s awesome to see my vision work out so well. I really, really appreciate it and i LOVE MY NEW SITE!!!

  4. Naz Keynejad
    December 9, 2010

    Woot!! I’m so excited! Look at what happened here bestie! Just look at what you did. You’re awesome & I’m so proud to be a part of this and to be your friend.

    PS Still giving Kevin props for the dishwasher thing. He’s right :-)

    • Lynn
      December 9, 2010

      Hahaha…yesterday he started telling me how pissed he was about having to deal with all the refrigerator stuff. New post? undoubtedly…BTW…couldn’t (and wouldn’t) have done it without YOU!!!

  5. Theresa Sonoda
    December 9, 2010

    “husband, who is one step BEYOND anal, cares a great deal. He spends copious amounts of time critiquing my dishwasher packing skills and actually will RELOAD the dishwasher because he doesn’t think that my methodology is either effective or efficient.”

    My partner is just like your hubby with the dishwasher critiquing. I’m kinda mean cause when she started in, I said, “Well, show me what you mean, then?”. And when she started shuffling the glassware around, I quietly and happily left the rest to her.
    After all, she’s the frickin expert.

    Terri
    P.S. Love the Site!

    • Lynn
      December 9, 2010

      hahaha…that’s funny…i’ve been with him long enough not to give a shit at this point.

  6. Cathy
    December 9, 2010

    Looks great. I have been waiting to check this out.

    • Lynn
      December 9, 2010

      Thanks Cathy…and thanks for supporting this entire venture.

  7. Fragrant Liar
    December 9, 2010

    I position myself right in FRONT of the sink, since I AM the dishwasher in my house.

    • Lynn
      December 9, 2010

      HAHAHA…ok, i believe that’s a different scenario. I think in the frying pan one i explained that everybody is willing to soak pots and pans in my sink for weeks or months until i get fed up and actually wash them.

  8. Walt
    December 9, 2010

    Like the site looks great!

    • Lynn
      December 9, 2010

      Thanks Walt…and thanks for always checking me out! RED VELVET CAKE!!!

  9. BFF
    December 9, 2010

    Okay……now this is FUNNY!!! One idea you might want to consider is duct taping the kitchen sink so no one can use it……or better yet, just remove it! Actually, I thought your sink looked pretty clean compared to mine! As for the peanut butter on the knives, I totally agree with Kevin on that one. I just tend to leave that same utensil in the dishwasher multiple times until it comes clean. And, as for the milk in the glass…..god, I hate that too! But one good way to look at it, is if you leave the dried up milk in the bottom, it’s like an extra dose of vitamin D the next time you have a glass of milk, or the dried milk will float to the top when you pour your next glass of milk, and it’s like having your own glass of egg nog!!! HAHA!!!

    • Lynn
      December 9, 2010

      Thanks Robin…that’s an incredible idea. I thought your name was anonymous. Egg nog…yummy. You are a nutcase…thanks for the comment. Just wait until the hooker boots convo comes out!

  10. Marinka
    December 9, 2010

    God! My husband actually mocks my dishwasher loading skills. I’m sorry, skillZ. What kind of person does that?

    • Lynn
      December 9, 2010

      Hahaha…when you’ve been together as long as we have, you just get the look and the sad head shake. But hey, if its so damn important, he can do it! Thanks for checking out my blog!

  11. Alitalyn
    December 9, 2010

    Love your new layout! If you ever get your crew trained at loading the dishwasher, please share with us how you did it. Mine are much younger and I think I have a long road ahead!

    • Lynn
      December 9, 2010

      I’ve given up on my kids. They’re 17, 19 and 21 and hopeless. I don’t care but it drives my husband nuts. Maybe they’ll come put with a dishwashing guide for dummies. Thanks for visiting!

  12. Sarah Hague
    December 10, 2010

    Love the new look – very zappy, and the logo is terrific!

    Having just got my new dishwasher after a couple of months of washing up, I’m LOVIN’ IT!

    No husband to criticise my loading of it either. The boys tend not to put knives and stuff in spontaneously, but if ordered to do it, they will, so theoretically, they know how. They have even been known to unload it on occasion, but that is slightly risky as some things disappear into the black hole of ‘can’t be bothered to look where this goes, will just dump it in first unlikely spot’.

    Actually, I’m an ace loader of dishwashers and car boots. You have to become multi-skilled when a single mother and find you can do this crap just by thinking about it for 30 seconds. Big deal!

    • Lynn
      December 10, 2010

      Thanks for the compliment. Yeah…I get critiqued about my loading but still do whatever I want anyways. Poor guy always is cleaning up my messes. I love hoe you said car boots! I’m pretty good at loading cars too! Taking kids back and forth to college will refine that skill!

  13. Argentum Vulgaris
    December 10, 2010

    Clever girl to all this by yourself. Love the new look. As for the dishwasher, I figured out long ago, with all the extra time spent loading, unloading, discussing/arguing, it was quicker to have the dishes in the sink to wash by hand.

    AV

    • Lynn
      December 10, 2010

      Hey, thanks for checking out my new site! I didn’t do it by myself, trust me! I had a professional do it. It is faster to do dishes by hand when you’re alone but not when you have a housefull of people. Just my opinion.

  14. Carla E. Knight
    December 10, 2010

    Kevin is an engineer, of course he is one step beyond anal. So, what’s Bud’s excuse? I would not even consider attempting to put a single dish in the dishwasher. My job is to unload it after the dishes are clean. How is it I am not competent enough to load it to proper specifications, but somehow I’m competent enough to decide where the clean dishes should be stored? Doesn’t really matter to me. I’d be happier if I didn’t have to do either job.

    Love your new site — clean, clear, concise. Should make even an engineer proud.

    • Lynn
      December 10, 2010

      Kevin is an ANAL engineer…there’s a difference. Thanks for the compliment about the site…and thanks for always reading…just thanks in general

  15. Bek Davis
    December 10, 2010

    Love it! Sounds like myself and my husband. He will reload the dishwasher after me!

    • Lynn
      December 10, 2010

      Apparently it must not be uncommon for men to be all anal about this stuff. I don’t give a damn which drives him crazy. Thanks for stopping by.

  16. Sue
    December 10, 2010

    So funny. I read this aloud to my DH. We’re both ROFL. Same shit, different house. Karla, my husband is so anal, he packs the car (via UPS specs) then takes a shower before we leave for a trip. Always waiting for him, no matter where we go.

    • Lynn
      December 10, 2010

      Thanks for the comment. I had no idea that this was a universal thing at all! I find it hilarious that soooo man people actually spend time thinking about doing things properly!!! And packing…that’s an entire subject unto itself!!!! Thanks for joining me while I spew out my bullshit!

  17. dina
    December 13, 2010

    Just be glad your husband isn’t in the restaurant business. My kitchen is supposed to pass health inspection.

    • Lynn
      December 13, 2010

      Hahaha….that’s hilarious. Thanks for checking out my blog Dina…I appreciate it!

  18. Carly
    December 16, 2010

    Wow – someone else’s husband how sounds just like mine. Thank God I am not the only one. And my daughter has Asperger’s Syndrome. We have a lot in common. I just found you from Scary Mommy, but I DEF will be coming back. You are great!! LOVE IT!!

    • Lynn
      December 16, 2010

      Thanks…i actually just replied to somebody else above you that i wrote about my son and it’s going to be here: http://yeahgoodtimes.blogspot.com/
      tomorrow i think. He’s 17 now and it’s about what we went through. He’s great now and is 17 years old. Thanks for reading my blog!

  19. frosTwire
    December 21, 2010

    thanks

    • Lynn
      December 21, 2010

      You’re welcome

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