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In which i discuss wallowing — repost

rain

OMG! Totally forgot to write a new post for today so here’s an oldie.  Of course I didn’t proof it so it’s probably awful.  Oh well!

I wasn’t planning on writing this post today but now I’ve completely changed my mind so here I go.  After being on the internet for five months, I have noticed some things.  One is that there’s a lot of pain out there. A lot of trauma and a lot of difficult circumstances.  Of course, this isn’t news to me.  It’s not like I didn’t know there was shit going down in the world, I simply didn’t interact with people who  had to go through it as much.

I’ve always been aware of how fortunate I was to have the brain power, medical and financial resources available to deal with any problem that came down the pike … and trust me, there were a hell of a lot of problems coming down the pike.  But here’s what I want to address today:  there are many moms out there who have kids who have issues, from the not so serious to the very serious.  These issues range from Cerebral Palsy to Autism to PKU to mental and emotional problems.

It’s completely NORMAL for mom’s to occasionally just want to throw in the towel, wallow in self pity and have a day just to feel sorry for themselves.  Not only is it normal, I personally feel it’s necessary.  I am a person who believes in following your moods, not fighting them.  Yeah, don’t let them turn you into a catatonic mess, but sometimes, you deserve a nice day of wallowing and very possibly, a hot fudge sundae.  That’s what keeps you sane so that the other 99% of the time you can be positive and upbeat and do what it is you need to do to keep yourself and your family afloat.

I just read a post about a woman who has a very sick child and she was admitting that sometimes she just wants to run away.  Sometimes I just want to run away too and I don’t even have a very sick child!  I just want to be left alone.  As the post continued, she explained that a friend of hers was dying of leukemia, which is of course, awful.  She thinks it’s awful, I think it’s awful and I’m quite sure the person dying thinks it’s awful.  Her point was that as much as she wants to run away, at least she is ALIVE and “could you imagine the pain of saying goodbye to your children and family?”

Well, very frankly I can’t.  Is it worse to be dying that to have a sick kid?  Yes, it is.  But here’s my point:  I HATE when you’re in a bad space and people try to point out how much worse it is out there.  That’s as helpful as the saying “do you know there’s starving children in Africa?”  Because your life is YOUR life, perspective doesn’t always matter.

I like to use this analogy:  if I had a paper cut and you had a broken arm, I think we could both agree that your broken arm is worse.  But damnit, my paper cut hurts!  So even though your broken arm is worse, it’s MY pain that I’m feeling.  Of course I care more about it and I don’t feel guilty acknowledging this.  The fact is that your immediate person and family are always going to affect you more than the nebulous problems out in the world.  SO STOP FEELING GUILTY ABOUT IT.  You wouldn’t be human if you weren’t partially self-centered.  And very frankly in my opinion, if you can’t be centered on yourself as a human and what you need, how much good can you do for the world around you?

So people of the internet, not that you’re asking, but here’s my advice:  when you’re having a bad day and you just want to wallow, WALLOW.  When you want to say “poor me,” say POOR ME.  Stop trying to downplay your own personal pain because of the world’s pain.  Your pain is your pain and it’s VALID.  Only when you can accept that it’s not selfish to get down, can you really deal with life.  At least, that’s my opinion and since this is my blog, it’s the only one that matters.

But, I’d love to hear what you think…so let me know in the comments!

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4 Comments

  1. kath
    April 16, 2014

    And it doesn’t end when the kids are grown. I have an over 35 year old son who blames me for a break-up with his g/f. ( I met her once, was nice to her… gave her child a beautiful book) All I ever said about her is she seems lovely, she seems like a good mom. Blah blah. )He is my youngest child, they are all 35 or older and I know enough not to comment on significant others…

    But then, he got sick, they said it might be a dx that is scary and possibly life threatening. . He knew for weeks before telling me. Now he won’t keep me updated on tests, appointments or results. He just laid it in my lap and …..I am agonizing. No matter how old they are, they are still your kids. Last Wed. He said the specialist said it was something else, but then he said he still has to have a bone marrow test. He has an appt. today. I don’t know when. I don’t know if it is for the test.. or not. He live states away. He won’t text back or call back. I suffer from an anxiety disorder as it is, and I can barely function. I have to work with the public .. and I don’t know how I’m going to get through the day. Again. I think catatonic mess is just about perfect, to describe how I feel

    • Lynn
      April 16, 2014

      wow…first of all you should get some help for your anxiety. It makes a huge difference.

      I’m sorry about your son. I hate when kids are like that. Good luck with all that.

  2. Julie
    April 16, 2014

    I hadn’t read this post before. My only comment is ~ “Well said!”
    I love, love, love having a ‘me’ day when I allow myself to wallow in whatever I want. It does a spirit good!

    • Lynn
      April 21, 2014

      thanks Julie…I would have replied earlier but my blog broke

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