This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i discuss wallowing

rain

I wasn’t planning on writing this post today but now I’ve completely changed my mind so here I go.  After being on the internet for five months, I have noticed some things.  One is that there’s a lot of pain out there. A lot of trauma and a lot of difficult circumstances.  Of course, this isn’t news to me.  It’s not like I didn’t know there was shit going down in the world, I simply didn’t interact with people who  had to go through it as much.

I’ve always been aware of how fortunate I was to have the brain power, medical and financial resources available to deal with any problem that came down the pike … and trust me, there were a hell of a lot of problems coming down the pike.  But here’s what I want to address today:  there are many moms out there who have kids who have issues, from the not so serious to the very serious.  These issues range from Cerebral Palsy to Autism to PKU to mental and emotional problems.

It’s completely NORMAL for mom’s to occasionally just want to throw in the towel, wallow in self pity and have a day just to feel sorry for themselves.  Not only is it normal, I personally feel it’s necessary.  I am a person who believes in following your moods, not fighting them.  Yeah, don’t let them turn you into a catatonic mess, but sometimes, you deserve a nice day of wallowing and very possibly, a hot fudge sundae.  That’s what keeps you sane so that the other 99% of the time you can be positive and upbeat and do what it is you need to do to keep yourself and your family afloat.

I just read a post about a woman who has a very sick child and she was admitting that sometimes she just wants to run away.  Sometimes I just want to run away too and I don’t even have a very sick child!  I just want to be left alone.  As the post continued, she explained that a friend of hers was dying of leukemia, which is of course, awful.  She thinks it’s awful, I think it’s awful and I’m quite sure the person dying thinks it’s awful.  Her point was that as much as she wants to run away, at least she is ALIVE and “could you imagine the pain of saying goodbye to your children and family?”

Well, very frankly I can’t.  Is it worse to be dying that to have a sick kid?  Yes, it is.  But here’s my point:  I HATE when you’re in a bad space and people try to point out how much worse it is out there.  That’s as helpful as the saying “do you know there’s starving children in Africa?”  Because your life is YOUR life, perspective doesn’t always matter.

I like to use this analogy:  if I had a paper cut and you had a broken arm, I think we could both agree that your broken arm is worse.  But damnit, my paper cut hurts!  So even though your broken arm is worse, it’s MY pain that I’m feeling.  Of course I care more about it and I don’t feel guilty acknowledging this.  The fact is that your immediate person and family are always going to affect you more than the nebulous problems out in the world.  SO STOP FEELING GUILTY ABOUT IT.  You wouldn’t be human if you weren’t partially self-centered.  And very frankly in my opinion, if you can’t be centered on yourself as a human and what you need, how much good can you do for the world around you?

So people of the internet, not that you’re asking, but here’s my advice:  when you’re having a bad day and you just want to wallow, WALLOW.  When you want to say “poor me,” say POOR ME.  Stop trying to downplay your own personal pain because of the world’s pain.  Your pain is your pain and it’s VALID.  Only when you can accept that it’s not selfish to get down, can you really deal with life.  At least, that’s my opinion and since this is my blog, it’s the only one that matters.

But, I’d love to hear what you think…so let me know in the comments!

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42 Comments

  1. Emma Jayne
    February 9, 2011

    Ok, Amazing Kreskin…how did you know this is how I was feeling? I vacillate between feeling depressed then feeling guilty about feeling depressed. The result = I feel like shit for feeling like shit. It’s the Circle of Shit. Wasn’t that song in the Lion King?
    Thanks for this wondergul post. I actually feel better now.

    • Lynn
      February 9, 2011

      How dated are we that we know the Amazing Kreskin? Hahaha…I’m sorry you’ve been down but I’m glad this post helped. That is a song from The Lion King…although, I missed that! Remember? Hope you feel better soon.

      • Emma Jayne
        February 9, 2011

        That’s right, you did! Because you missed it, I’ll sing the song for you:

        “It’s the Circle of Shit. And it moves us all…”

        Dookie jokes always make me feel better.

        • Lynn
          February 9, 2011

          well, that’s funny then…enjoy your “Dookie” jokes. oh, and i’ve done a shit job commenting lately and i’m sorry, i pretty much suck

  2. leigj ann
    February 9, 2011

    Excellent analogies Lynn. Love the paper cut vs the broken arm. I’m such a wallower when I have a bad day. It’s just how I deal with it.

    • Lynn
      February 9, 2011

      Well good for you. As you can see, I think it’s necessary occasionally. And certainly with twins, you probably have plenty of trying days.

  3. Catch the Kids
    February 9, 2011

    I read this years ago. It went something like this. 1 illness in your family = 100 crash fatalities in your city = 1000 natural disaster deaths in another country = 10 000 deaths on the other side of the world.

    We have no option but to feel our own pain the most. Sometimes other people’s distress becomes so overwhelming, we can’t feel anything. We are all human.

    You’ve written a really thought-provoking post here. I enjoyed it a lot.

    • Lynn
      February 9, 2011

      Well thank you…I just write my personal philosophy. Whether people agree or not is their choice. I loved that equation…I’ve not seen it before.

    • Julie Bernucci
      March 20, 2011

      I just love it here. People actually admit life is hard instead of fronting. Here in this blogspot is where I belong. Thank you thank you People are social beings and this society is set up so that women do not support eachother. They get fake tits instead. You are helping to solve that problem. I am very isolated. Every woman I’ve befriended has been a drug casualty or an alcoholic. It gets depressing living amongst the homeless grocery cart clan. So thank you for your profound honesty. As lily tomlin once said “language was invented because of our need to complain.” Certainly true of me. JB

      • Lynn
        March 20, 2011

        Wow…what a great comment so thank you. Sometimes I feel like I’m speaking to a void but I just call it like I see it. You can befriend me…I have a normal up and down life…well, above average resources no doubt.

  4. RottenMom
    February 9, 2011

    Great post!

    I tend to be a private wallower, but sometimes I feel the need to wallow out loud. You might have just encouraged me to take that day of wallowing.

    I also know who the Amazing Kreskin is. And the Circle of shit song.

    • Lynn
      February 9, 2011

      hahaha…that’s funny…yeah, sometimes there are so many young people around that you hear something like that and you think, uh oh, you’ve just dated yourself.

  5. Carla E. Knight
    February 9, 2011

    Plus, while I’m wallowing, the last thing I want to hear is “Well, you think you’ve got problems, just listen to what’s happening to me.” I don’t want to listen to your problems. I don’t even want you to listen to mine. I want you to go away, far away, and leave me alone until I get past this. Then maybe we can discuss your issues and I might actually care.

    Good post! Funny people have real emotions.

    • Lynn
      February 9, 2011

      thanks…do you mean by funny people have real emotions that YOU do or that I do…cuz i suspect that we both do.

      • Carla E. Knight
        February 9, 2011

        Well, in this particular case I meant you, but yes, we both do. I was attempting in my usual convoluted way to say that though most of the time you crack me up, even when you are not being funny you have something to say worth reading.

        • Lynn
          February 9, 2011

          well thank you, i really appreciate that…it’s true, i’m actually a pretty serious person in some regards…who then proceeds to make a joke out of everything. A paradox? i suppose so…thanks for commenting

  6. Angie
    February 9, 2011

    So so true. Sometimes life calls for a pity party, then you pull on your big girl panties and deal.

    • Lynn
      February 9, 2011

      absolutely…self pity first, then dealing. but don’t tell ME how to feel, right?

  7. Julie
    February 9, 2011

    Wallowing is something I do quite well. And I am fooking proud of my ability to do so!

    • Lynn
      February 9, 2011

      i love that comment…and i’m pretty good at it too!

  8. Theresa Sonoda
    February 9, 2011

    Lynn, I really enjoyed this post from you because it shows your human side and while I love your comedy, it’s nice to see the other you as well. Yesterday you actually acknowledged me on Twitter, which I believe is the first time ever, and I really appreciated it. Small thing, but nice nonetheless. I read your blog no matter whether you speak to me or visit my blog. It doesn’t matter because I like your blog. Up until today. Now I like you, too. Yea, I know….mushy. So sue me. I’m wallowing in my mushy today.

    • Lynn
      February 9, 2011

      i can’t believe i haven’t talked to you on twitter before…mostly i’m on and off twitter anyways. But yep, i’m actually a fairly serious person who just looks at things in a funny way. I do visit your blog occasionally. i’m just not always good about commenting and honestly, i need to set up a better system of visiting. Usually, i see a post go by and i think, hmmmm, i should read that.

  9. Victoria KP
    February 9, 2011

    I really liked this and agreed wholeheartedly. About nine years ago I had a miscarriage and decided to be really strong and brave. I went back to work too soon and tried to pretend everything was normal. HUGE MISTAKE. I should have sat on my couch and eaten french fries and chocolate shakes for a week instead.

    Now any time a friend has a similar loss, my advice to them is to let themselves be sad for a while. If the situation sucks, let yourself be sad for a while. It will be much easier in the long run.

    • Lynn
      February 9, 2011

      well, especially in something like that you need to take the time out and grieve and say “why me”…i’m just a huge advocate of being selfish. Not all the time, but when you need to.

  10. Kimberly
    February 9, 2011

    I agree with all you’d said, and I’d like to point out that a blog is the perfect place to wallow if you need to. No one is forced to read it. If they don’t care, they will move on to the next one today. If they do care, then there can be some well-placed commiseration.

    • Lynn
      February 9, 2011

      blogs are good for that…i never realized how much fun they could be. Of course, i never really thought about it either…so there’s that.

  11. Kelley
    February 9, 2011

    Sometimes taking the time to wallow and just be a sad chocolate eating TV watching blob (or whatever you do) for a day is better then ignoring the feelings and letting them get worse. Sometmes you need to have a pity party for yourself and get it over with.

    • Lynn
      February 9, 2011

      Agreed!

  12. Nicole @MTDLBlog
    February 9, 2011

    This is a fabulous post that really resonates with me because I’ve ALWAYS said, “Well, it could be worse – there are starving children in China” – LOL – but you’re right, we should acknowledge our pain, because it is real and it is valid. Well said!

    • Lynn
      February 9, 2011

      Thanks…it could always be worse…and then you wallow about that too

  13. Casey
    February 9, 2011

    Yes, of course, self pity (almost as a sort of mourning) can be good for the soul. But, BUT, so many people make it their modus passive aggressiverindi. And I’m afraid that these people may read your post and take it as permission to notch that party up one. I can only hope that I don’t know any of them.

    Then there are the know-it-alls on the other end. You know, the guys/gals who, no matter what you say, no matter what your pain, hopes, dreams, fears, hurts, loves, tastes, feats, etc, etc, they can top it with one of their own. Or at the very least they know someone who knows someone who can top your experience. They cannot be told anything.

    I hate those people, even though I acknowledge that we all have a little of that inside us.

    Bottom line, it’s extremely unhealthy to try and not feel your own pain, but to expect a proper, sane reaction when you express that pain to a large population is probably not realistic.

    You can tell me though. I promise I’ll listen. :-)

    Cheers,

    Casey

    • Lynn
      February 9, 2011

      I can’t imagine that those people who are always feeling pity would be fans of mine anyways because I’m all about just dealing with shit but good point! Thanks for listening although, I’m not all that worried about it cuz my livelihood doesn’t depend on peoples reactions.

  14. Kelly
    February 9, 2011

    You completely read my mind! I hate that when I am complaining about work or life or mommyhood or whatever and people feel compelled to say something like “well you could be starving in the Africa” or “At least you have a job…” OK, these things are true but I still am entitled to my emotions, whether anyone else likes it or not! Thanks for saying the things the rest of us are thinking!

    • Lynn
      February 9, 2011

      Hahaha…that’s what I’m here for! I’m pretty frank and blunt and…a wee tad selfish I suppose!

  15. Hope
    February 9, 2011

    I needed what you wrote today. I am a mother of two active, bright, needy kids and somedays I just want to get in my car and drive long and far…the feeling passes of course, but it’s not considered PC to verbalize the need for me time…the husband person certainly doesn’t get it.
    I’m happy to have stumbled on your blog. I will continue to read it!

    • Lynn
      February 10, 2011

      Thanks…I remember those days. Of course my kids are older now but I’m pretty sure I still wallowed and then, I got down to business.

  16. crayon wrangler
    February 10, 2011

    Wow. I hate gratitude guilt. The whole my kids is a pain but I should be happy because I’m not burying them.
    Great two cents you got here…I love you a bit more.

    • Lynn
      February 10, 2011

      Well, a bit is all I ask

  17. Name *
    February 10, 2011

    Exactly. It’s your blog…you can make it your space.

    • Lynn
      February 10, 2011

      I just sit up there on my pulpit pontificating…I don’t know why people listen

  18. Martha
    February 15, 2011

    I am guilty of putting everyone else’s crap before my own, and it really does wear you down. But you’re right, if you can’t center yourself how much good can you be? Thats awesome, I’m going to keep that in mind from now on.

    Thank you :)

    • Lynn
      February 15, 2011

      Well, my philosophies are always about centering yourself, then others

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