This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i explain … how not to be a good corporate wife

 

How not to be a good corporate wife, by Lynn MacDonald.

1.  Find a guy who’s on the corporate fast track and attach your unsuitable self to his ass.

2.  Start dating the poor guy and push to meet his colleagues

3.  Have unsuitable conversations with said colleagues (and bosses) when you finally DO meet them.

4.  Get engaged to the poor guy and go to corporate dinner.  

5.  Have a few drinks and begin referring to his brand new boss by his last name.  Example: “Hey Yandel!  Have you bought yourself a new house in New Jersey yet?”

6.  Get yelled at by fiance for referring to his boss by his last name and saying stupid things to him

7.  Get hired by the same corporation to do some computer consulting

8.  Begin castigating fiance in front of his peers

9.  Respond to his new boss’s question of “how’s the computer programming going, Lynn?” with “I can’t believe you hire misfits like Kevin and yourself at this place.  No wonder things are so fucked up.”

10.  Respond to lecture by fiance who claims you’re “ruining his career,” by asking (innocently), “Why?  What did I do wrong?”

11.  Invite everyone to come to your wedding in North Carolina, then proceed to get drunk and tell inappropriate stories of your misspent youth

12.  Get invited to more corporate affairs and tell people that your husband should be running the place and maybe it’s a good idea if they stepped down

13.  Respond to next lecture by husband by saying, “hey, maybe we should just move to North Carolina so you can quit that stupid job any way.”

14.  Go to California with husband to attend a corporate seminar and distract him so he can’t pay attention

15.  Finally convince husband to move to North Carolina

16.  Find it impossible to tick off husband’s new boss because the new boss is your father

17.  Find it blissful in North Carolina and get yourself knocked up

18.  Realize that ruining your husband’s career is actually a pretty damn good thing.

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24 Comments

  1. Katie
    February 14, 2011

    LOL, Nicely done Lynn!!!! You never fail to make me laugh. Have a good week!

    • Lynn
      February 14, 2011

      Why thank you…but that can’t be true cuz sometimes I write serious stuff!

    • Name *
      May 24, 2011

      I’m here because of the Time Travel Blog hop By Word of Mouth Musings. Loved the post! Man, we have to do everything don’t we? xxoo P.S Are you going to Type A in June?

      • Lynn
        May 24, 2011

        not sure yet…depends on my husbands travel schedule

  2. Jennifer Howard-Hammer
    February 14, 2011

    I was referred to your blog by a family member who follows you….you’re a frickin crack up!!! I think I will be following you as well.
    Thanks for the laugh…it’s ALWAYS needed!

    • Lynn
      February 14, 2011

      thanks…i’m so thrilled that somebody recommended me because i can’t even get my OWN kids to read…so, yeah…i’m HAPPY

      • Jessica D Torres
        February 15, 2011

        I was the one that referred her (she is my aunt)! She found you on my blogroll! I agree that you are a crack up and I love reading your blog.

        • Lynn
          February 15, 2011

          thanks so much and i really appreciate it…i think word of mouth is the BEST compliment and i love having new readers. It makes me feel awesome…which is kind of silly but then, so am i

  3. liz
    February 14, 2011

    I bet they read it sometimes in secret. That’s what I’d do.

    • Lynn
      February 14, 2011

      Hahaha…it’s been so long since I had to worry about it and we own the company now so it’s no problem. Actually, a lot of work people do read it and then give my husband grief!

      • liz
        February 14, 2011

        Oh, sorry, I wasn’t clear about my “they”. I didn’t mean the work people; I meant the kids. ;)

        • Lynn
          February 15, 2011

          hahaha…one of them occasionally reads it and then critiques my grammar. The next says that maybe it’s not so bad but as a matter of principle, she can’t read it and my son, very frankly, has no interest in it. PERIOD

  4. Keely
    February 14, 2011

    All part of the Master Plan, though, right?

    • Lynn
      February 15, 2011

      as if i was capable of a MASTER PLAN…however, i do always land on my feet. and thanks for the pep talk last night…i feel better today

  5. The Stiletto Mom
    February 14, 2011

    Hilarious. love. it.

    • Lynn
      February 15, 2011

      and the sad part is it’s true, although i was actually EVEN worse than i wrote…it all worked out though

  6. Pixi
    February 14, 2011

    Another classic by Lynn! I think I’m going to follow this 18 step program to success.

    • Lynn
      February 15, 2011

      yeah, it really helps if your dad owns a company to fall back to though

  7. MOMmetime
    May 24, 2011

    I follow this same principle of partnership with my hubby; you are right about one thing it most definitely helps that we own the company. bahhahaha…I’m time traveling ~not really just visiting from By Word of Mouth Time Travel Tuesday.
    MOMmetime recently posted..Monday Morning FunnyMy Profile

    • Lynn
      May 24, 2011

      Thanks for time traveling over here

  8. Jackie
    May 24, 2011

    LOL!! Okay…. I just have to know… how much of that is true?

    And another question… how do I use these steps when the husband owns his own business?

    • Lynn
      May 24, 2011

      It’s all true…all of it.

  9. Bernie
    May 24, 2011

    You forgot doing a strip tease after drinking too much.
    Those made me laugh out loud!

    Stopping by from Word of Mouth recycle day.

    • Lynn
      May 24, 2011

      yeah…i’ve never actually done a strip tease and i think i’ve missed my window of opportunity

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