This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i fail at reunions

 

As you might remember, or you would if you had been faithfully reading this blog, I begrudgingly and stupidly agreed to be on the committee for my Johns Hopkins University 30 Year Reunion.  I specifically told them that I was “unsuccessful” and that they should probably look for someone who was better at “actually accomplishing things” than I was.  They assured me that all that didn’t matter and that indeed, they wanted ME to be on their committee so join their committee I did.  

I was present for the first conference call, eagerly giving my opinion on such important topics as whether there should be an open bar or not,  should there be beer, wine and liquor, or just beer and wine, etc.  These are just the sort of meaty issues that I had volunteered for and I was excited.  My strong opinion on having an iPod playlist vs. harpist or pianist was quickly seconded and I was a hero.  Now all I had to do was to make a 4 hour mix and I was set!  Or so I thought.

The second conference call was more of the same except they spent a fair amount of time discussing the “class gift.”  Now I’m all for a class gift, unless I’m expected to contribute towards it.  I was.  And I did.  After all, 100% participation by the committee would serve as a fine example to the many fine Hopkins’ graduates we would then try to talk into joining us at this most excellent celebration.

Third conference call?  Totally forgot it. Oops.  No matter, what else could I possibly contribute at this point?  I mean, we had alcohol and music and I felt that I had already served in the best way possible.

Fourth conference call? Well, I was out of town so I wasn’t completely sure what they discussed but apparently, decisions were made without my approval and I was expected to do – gasp! – more work.  This certainly wasn’t what I bargained for when I explained what a “piece” I was.  Next thing I know the Alumni rep for our area is going to be in Greensboro and wanted to know if I would meet her and another Alumni person for breakfast. 

I’m sure what they expected when they met me was not a diatribe on all the misconceptions and bullshit of the college applications process.  After they had calmed me down, they wanted to know when I would begin “calling” my list of Class of 1981 graduates to see whether they were going to the Reunion or would be interested in giving towards the class gift. 

Wait, what?  Everybody had to call people?  Even me? MOI?  But I was incredibly busy with my new blog, All Fooked Up, I explained to them.  This segue from normal conversation was certainly not where they had expected the morning to go.  I told them that “sure, I’ll call as many people as you like if you’ll agree to email my link for All Fooked Up to every Hopkins Alumni over the last 30 years.”   They sadly admitted that there was no way that was possible and could I please just call these people.

I agreed and as a huge favor, opted to take a list of 30 people that I did not even know.  Yes, I agreed to COLD CALL these people.  The first thing I did was send out an email letting them know who I was and that they could expect a call from me.  Then, I let them know I had a blog and that if they had a sense a humor they should check it out.  Don’t tell the Hopkins people I included that last paragraph.

Tonight, I began calling.  The first person’s wife barely spoke English.  I’m not sure what we agreed on.  It’s possible that I gave her child a full scholarship to Hopkins, I’m still not sure.  I quickly moved on to the next name.  This guy remembered my email. “Don’t you have some strange website Fooked something he asked?”  “Yes, that’s me!” I replied, and then I began the pitch, “come to the reunion, give us some money…or don’t…”  I’m just following my little Call Talking Points sheet.  He said he’d think about it.  I quickly noted that down on my little Excel spreadsheet.

Call number 3, some woman in Alabama.  I quickly assured her that I too didn’t remember a goddamned thing from college so she shouldn’t let a little thing like “I don’t remember anyone from college” affect her.  After all, she now knew me, and by the way, did I tell you I had a blog?  This calling shit was awesome.

Call number 4, 5, 6 … more convincing “come to the reunion.  Don’t worry if you won’t know anybody.  I’ll be there and I’m hella fun, so what cha say?” Man, I was on a roll!

Call 7.  BEST. CALL. EVER!!  Turns out the Hopkins guy wasn’t there but I talked to his wife for 45 minutes.  You heard me.  FORTY FIVE minutes.  Turns out she went to Delaware.  (MY HUSBAND WENT TO DELAWARE!)  Then we start talking North Carolina (where her brother lives), Massachusetts (where she lives and yeah, they’re Red Sox and Patriots fans too), college applications (she has 2 in college and so do I) and last, but not least, my blog.  We talked for so long that I explained all about how I wanted to be a professional talk show guest and we become LinkedIn friends because, SHE KNOWS PEOPLE IN THE BUSINESS!

So yeah, I pretty much fail at this Hopkins reunion stuff but I’m rocking this cold calling for my blog shit.  I have about 30 more calls to make but I’m way, way too hyper to call now.  I mean, these people don’t even know what’s about to hit them!!!  I’m also psyched because I’m spreading the All Fooked Up word and, I have an excel spreadsheet in my hot little hands with almost 600 email addresses on it.  I don’t know how the reunion committee is doing but I’m gaining followers by the minute.

So, that’s my evening…how’s by you?

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18 Comments

  1. myevil3yearold
    February 23, 2011

    Your are sneaky good!

    • Lynn
      February 23, 2011

      All unintentional though…I just start bullshitting and off I go. I got off the phone and told my husband, “I think I could have been in sales!”

      Hahaha…I’m sucking at this reunion stuff though

  2. Courtney
    February 23, 2011

    Lynn, I am 22 and I simply love your blog! I can so relate to this one, because we are planning a 5 year high school reunion (how dumb!) and I got suckered into helping. I don’t know half the people I graduated with and can’t stand 1/2 of the ones I do know. But, I too, am in charge of the iTunes playlist and bar arrangements. (Everyone assumed my heavy drinking made me perfect for that.) God, I hate these things.

    • Lynn
      February 23, 2011

      Hey, thanks so much! Ahhh, reunions..yeah, it’s all about the alcohol and the music, isn’t it? Of course, I don’t mind those two jobs…its the other shit I can’t abide. I’m so excited that you’re reading…as you know, my own kids constantly diss my blog although they are coming to see me fail at standup on Friday!

      Thanks for reading and hey, you’re 22. Drinking is perfectly acceptable but don’t get blackout drunk cuz that’s bad!!
      Hahaha…thats the mom in me talking! Thanks for commenting

  3. Julie
    February 23, 2011

    Got a kick out of this one as I am currently on the committee for my 30th high school reunion. I just recieved the latest email list for our class (350ish names so far) and would be happy to forward it to you. Just give me the word.

    • Lynn
      February 23, 2011

      just send them all my blog link…i always have this urge to hit reply all to all the mass mailings i get and send out an email promoting myself…just to experience the backlash. Reunions…so you’re four years younger than me.

      HAHAHA

  4. Theresa Sonoda
    February 23, 2011

    OH you are Good! Got any more cold call lists? I need followers.

    Funny stuff!

    • Lynn
      February 23, 2011

      You can finish my list cuz I’M STILL NOT DONE…and now my moods crashed

  5. Alexandra
    February 23, 2011

    Never miss a chance, Lynn. You are the whole package.

    • Lynn
      February 23, 2011

      Hahaha…i just start talking and one thing leads to another and there you are! You are too, too good to me. I’m not really all that great. Or at least, that’s what my kids tell me and they’re pretty smart!

  6. Leighann
    February 23, 2011

    This is great! You may have just created a brand new way of networking for bloggers.

    • Lynn
      February 23, 2011

      hahaha…can you imagine if you just got lists and started coldcalling for your blog? it would be hilarious…it’s also quite exhausting being so energetic in the evening

  7. Lady Estrogen
    February 23, 2011

    What ever shape or form you can pimp your blog, then so be it!

    • Lynn
      February 23, 2011

      Hahaha…I agree…although I never intentionally start out pimping my blog

  8. Christina
    February 24, 2011

    Lynn,
    That is a riot! I have to do a lot of cold calls for my day job so I might just hire you as an intern. No talking about your AFU blog either. Geez, free help is really hard to find.

    • Lynn
      February 24, 2011

      Thanks…of course, who said I’m free! Of course, I was a fail at my cold calling

  9. FranceRants
    February 26, 2011

    sneaky…..and yet….impressive…

    • Lynn
      February 26, 2011

      I know right? And yet…that wasn’t my intention. I just get so hyper and then who knows where the conversation will go!

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