This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i go from good cop, bad cop to bad cop, worse cop

The other day I was talking to my girls who were still home on their never-ending winter break.  We were discussing the fact that Keely needs to get an internship over the summer.  She is on a pre-law track but as the single most outgoing and personable person I’ve ever met, I would love to see her in a people oriented job first, just to see if she likes it.  This of course, led to a discussion on jobs which led to a discussion about our talk show and I realized that although my goal is to be a professional talk show guest, perhaps I could have a talk show if Keely was my co-host.  That way, I wouldn’t have to do all the work (or actually, ANY of the work).

See, doing the work is why I don’t want to have my own talk show.  Finding the guests, thinking of the questions … stuff like that.  I just like to sit around and bullshit a lot!  This summer, when we came up with the idea of a talk show Keely felt that I was too mean to have my own show and she said she would have to be on it to be nice to the guests while I was being sarcastic and mean.  You know, just being my normal self.  

We were discussing it and Keely said that I should try out to be on the new Oprah Network.  Boy, was I excited! I knew Oprah had a new network but I didn’t realize that she was looking for new talk show premises.  I even came up with a name:  Daytime Talk Show That Doesn’t Have a Stupid Name Based on the Person Hosting It Like All the Other Daytime Talk Shows.  Keely pointed out that Andie would be upset if she wasn’t on the show but I said that Andie was pre-med and had no time for a talk show.  Not only that, but Andie is actually a lot meaner than me, and that’s no small task.

So we got home and I told Andie about the idea and Andie informed me that Oprah was already down to her 10 finalists.  WHAT?  For ten whole minutes I had been day dreaming about my impending successful talk show only to have my hopes crushed as soon as I got home.  Boy was I devastated!

After a few minutes of pouting I decided that we should go ahead and have the talk show anyway.  It would resolve so many issues like what’s Keely going to be when she grows up and what’s Lynn going to be when she grows up and … well actually, that’s all the issues it resolves.  The next day we were out to lunch and the following conversation took place:

Andie:             “I can’t believe you were going to have a talk show with Keely.”

Lynn:              “Yeah, we even came up with a name.”

Andie:             “What is it?”

Lynn:              “Daytime Talk Show That Doesn’t Have a Stupid Name Based on the Person Hosting It Like All the Other Daytime Talk Shows.”

Andie:             “That’s a stupid name.”

Lynn:              “Well, it’s up to Keely and I.”

Andie:             “I can’t believe you’d rather have a talk show with Keely.”

Lynn:              “Than what?”

Andie:             “Than with me.”

Me:                 “Why? Keely and I are going to be good cop, bad cop.”

Andie:             “You and I are much funnier than you and Keely.”

Keely:             “Hey, that’s not true!”

Andie:             “Yeah, it is.  Me and mom are funnier than you and mom.”

Keely:             “Well, the premise is I’m going to be nice to the people after mom is mean and makes them upset.  You could never do that!”

Andie:             “What?”

Keely:             “Yeah, you’re way too mean.”

Andie:             (completely put out about this)  “No I’m not!”

Me:                 “Yeah you are Andie! If it was me and you it would have to be bad cop, worse cop.”

Keely:             “Hahaha…bad cop, worse cop…no one would ever come on your talk show.”

Me:                 “…or even worse than that.  You’re actually worse than worse cop…you’re like worser or worsest cop!”

Keely:             “Hahaha…worsest cop!”

Andie:             “Maybe we could just call the show Rock Bottom.”

Keely:             “Hahaha”

Me:                 “Hahaha…Rock Bottom…awesome name!”

Keely              “Actually mom, the funniest combination would be Andie and I.”

Me:                 “What?  You’re kicking me out of my own talk show?!”

Keely:             “Yeah, Andie and I are hilarious together.”

Andie:             “True, true … and anyway mom, when you start laughing you can’t even get any words out so it would be an entire hour of just watching you laugh!”

Me:                 “Not true.”

Andie:             “Yeah it is … and you laugh at stupid stuff too!”

Me:                 “I can’t believe you’re dumping me from my own talk show!”

Keely:             “Yeah, Andie and I are awesome.”

Me:                 “No you’re not!  The entire show would be you two having a huge conversation that’s an inside joke and nobody else would get a word in edgewise or even get it.”

Andie:             “That’s true.  We do have a lot of inside jokes and people get frustrated listening to us.”

Me:                 “Hmmm…perhaps we should have all three of us on a show.”

Keely              “Hmmmm”

Me:                 “Good cop, bad cop, bad cop, worse cop”

Andie:             “Like one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish…”

Me:                 “Yeah, like that, but better!”

So what do you think?  Are you out there Oprah?  We’re all good to go on our new show.  What’s the premise?  I don’t know.  What do you need?  We’re completely flexible and just happen to be available starting this summer.  It will be a combination of Keely, Andie and myself but I can promise you, it will be awesome.  So what do you say?

Oprah?….OPRAH?  … Beuller…Beuller

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22 Comments

  1. Abby
    January 31, 2011

    Man. Kicking you off of your own show? Man.

    Do it up!! Have fun with it.

    • Lynn
      January 31, 2011

      Hahaha…we will see. Of course, we are all talk and no action!

  2. Karla Telega
    January 31, 2011

    “Daytime Talk Show That Doesn’t Have a Stupid Name Based on the Person Hosting It Like All the Other Daytime Talk Shows.”

    I don’t know if Oprah’s going to get your vision, but I can totally see it.

    • Lynn
      January 31, 2011

      Hahaha…I suppose it is a rather long name…what’s not to like OPRAH

  3. Lady Estrogen
    January 31, 2011

    I can see it working… sorta. The next YouTube sensation! LOL.
    Tap, tap, tap… is this thing on? x

    • Lynn
      January 31, 2011

      hahaha…well, i assume my girls are a little more up on technology than i am…mostly they’d just sit around and tell me how dumb i am

  4. Samantha
    January 31, 2011

    I’d watch!

    • Lynn
      January 31, 2011

      hey thanks…some lady this summer down at the Outer Banks said she would too…so i’m up to two now!

  5. Pammypam
    January 31, 2011

    Itll never work.
    Without me.

    • Lynn
      January 31, 2011

      Hahaha…and how do you figure that?

  6. myevil3yearold
    January 31, 2011

    I had my dreams crushed today by a mega big company. I was begging them to throw some free shit my way and I would blog about their product for the next ten months. It was a cruise compnay actually. They did respond with a kind no.

    Back to the drawing board.

    • Lynn
      January 31, 2011

      I’m sorry…I don’t do any of that so I have no idea how it all works. Better luck next time. Perhaps when my talk show Rock Bottom takes off, we will throw some free shit your way! Hahaha. What do ya think?

  7. Law Momma
    January 31, 2011

    I feel like it should just be called Bad Cop, Worse Cop. But then in my head, I see a picture of two people DRESSED as cops which makes me think of male strippers. So all in all, maybe not the direction you want to go.

    • Lynn
      January 31, 2011

      Hahaha…male strippers, with my daughters. Not exactly what i was thinking of.

  8. Kristeen
    January 31, 2011

    Long name but awesome idea! I would so watch it daily.

    • Lynn
      January 31, 2011

      Thanks…I suppose I need to actually do something with these ideas

  9. Name *
    January 31, 2011

    Rock Bottom could also be your rap name. Convenient!

    • Lynn
      February 1, 2011

      Wow…that’s a good point. My girls are smart asses…they got that from their father! They really don’t listen to their mother.

  10. Katja Brown
    May 31, 2011

    Now that Oprah is off the air there is a spot for a new and different show – go for it Lynn!

    • Lynn
      May 31, 2011

      hahaha..i’ll ask my kids

  11. By Word of Mouth Musings
    August 14, 2011

    Thought i was your ‘good cop’ ;)

    • Lynn
      August 14, 2011

      hahaha…you are when you’re with me! but Keely is good compared to Andie and myself…too funny

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