This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i had a doctors appointment

pilates

Ugghhh…I just got home from a Pilates class and for some reason I was dying in there today.  It’s weird because it’s the exact same routine every single Wednesday and you would think that you would actually improve over time but that hasn’t turned out to be the case.

 

Yesterday I had my annual visit at the OB-GYN.  Well, for me it’s not really annual, it’s more like semi-annual, or is that biannual? I’m not sure but basically I go about every two years or so.  I’m pretty shitty about having those appointments.

 

First were the good times that we refer to as a “mammogram.”  I hear that if you have little boobs that it’s very painful but thats not actually a problem for me. I was hoping I’d have tons of little cysts so that they could just lop them both off but that didn’t happen.  I’m pretty much over having big boobs. They get in the way and I’m no longer concerned with my chest.

 

Then it was time for weight and height and basically, my BMI sucks.  I don’t even want to think about all that because it’s downright depressing.

 

Finally, we had all the other fun stuff like making sure your organs are still internal, (I suppose they are as I haven’t seen them) and Pap Smear and all that other shit.

 

Last, but not least, was the sit down with the doctor.  That’s always my favorite part:

 

Dr:                   Do you work out?

 

Me:                  constantly

 

(yeah he looked shocked…obviously I don’t look like I ever work out)

 

Dr:                   so no lumps or bumps in your breasts

 

Me:                  ok

 

Dr:                   thyroid felt fine, all that.  When is the last time you had your moles checked?

 

Me:                  never

 

Dr:                   ok, so that needs to be done.  How about blood work?

 

Me:                  no clue

 

Dr:                   ok, well it says you have a family history of heart attacks to that needs to be done

 

Me:                  yeah, I have 4 years left and then I will die

 

Dr:                   what?

 

Me:                  yeah my mom and my Aunt had heart attacks at 59 so I’m just planning on that

 

Dr:                   (pretty much speechless) well, if your marker is off we’ll send you to a cardiologist

 

Me:                  ok

 

Dr:                   I see you had a colonoscopy and will need another one next year

 

Me:                  no, I’m never having that done again

 

Dr:                   it’s only every 5 years

 

Me:                  shit! I thought it was every 10 years!  Absolutely not

 

Dr:                   how about bone density?

 

Me:                  how about it?

 

Dr:                   we need to check for it

 

Me:                  pretty sure both my bones and brain are quite dense

 

Dr:                   we will set that up along with the blood work

 

Me:                  good grief.  Wouldn’t it just be more efficient for me to die?

 

And then we discussed my kids whom he delivered.

 

Dr:                   sounds like they’re doing ok.  You must be proud

 

Me:                  not really, they never let me whine to them anymore

 

And then he booted me out because he probably decided that I really should have a heart attack and die.

 

That was my doctor’s appointment.  Man I really must be old as now I’m discussing DOCTOR’S APPOINTMENTS!

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the RSS feed to have future articles delivered to your feed reader.

2 Comments

  1. R.Meton
    December 10, 2013

    Next you’ll be telling everyone about the great parking space you got today. :)

    • Lynn
      December 11, 2013

      hahahaha…that’s so funny

Follow Lynn on Facebook Follow Lynn on Twitter Follow Lynn via RSS Follow Lynn on Pinterest
Enter your Email

Recent articles


Follow Lynn on Facebook Follow Lynn on Twitter Follow Lynn via RSS Follow Lynn on Pinterest




Go to All Fooked Up Store 

Lynn MacDonald Art