This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

in which i HAD to speak

airplane

 

I was pretty excited as today would begin my long anticipated trip to California.  I didn’t, however, expect to be awakened at 3:20 A.M. with a phone call from US Air telling me that my flight from Charlotte to Phoenix would be delayed therefore completely screwing up all my travel plans.  Why they felt that the information needed to be imparted to me at such a time is honestly beyond my imagination.  After all, besides the fact that it took me over an hour to fall back asleep, I then had dreams that I was lost and couldn’t ever seem to make it to my destination.  To say that I woke up exhausted would be an understatement.

Thus begins what surely will be a travel day spent in airports.  Even as we speak, I’m at the US Air Club in Greensboro waiting for my flight.  Since I had to get to the airport early enough to change all my plans, I’m here for about an hour and a half; and that’s before I deal with all the layovers I have today.  Hopefully, there will be a lot of juicy stories and people about so that I can impart some amusing anecdotes.  If not, then this post will go the way of many others into the garbage heap.  Nothing interesting to report so far as I surely haven’t had enough coffee to have any clever reparte with anyone.  See ya in a while! 

And I’m back!  After practically begging at the gate, I was informed that that no matter HOW MANY times I asked, there were NO First Class Seats available.  Ok then, I can take a hint … or a direct reprimand.  So, I slinked my  way onto the plane that would take me on the next step of my journey, from Charlotte to Phoenix.  I was in 8D and there was a man (I would later learn his name was James) who was in 8F.  As more and more people came on the plane, nobody sat between James and myself.  James meanwhile, was fiddling with not one, but two phones, and I noticed he had an iPad, a laptop, some paperwork and interestingly enough, an unopening pack of index cards.

He was paying absolutely not attention to me but I couldn’t take it anymore, I HAD TO SPEAK!

Me:                        I hate wondering who’s going to sit between us

James:                  What? (probably thinking WTF? Why is this lunatic bothering me?)

Me:                        I would rather have someone be there from the get go rather than eyeing every single person walking by and thinking “shit, I hope THAT person isn’y sitting in between us!”

James:                  Yeah

Me:                        I get all excited like maybe nobody will come and we can have our own row

James:                  I think that sometimes too

Me:                        Like, OMG…please don’t let THAT person sit next to me

James:                  Ummm

Me:                        I suppose it’s not a very nice thing to think but I wish we could just chill in the whole row

James:                  I bet EVERYBODY thinks that sometimes if they’re honest

Me:                        Yeah, most people wouldn’t admit it

James:                  Probably not

Me:                        Hahaha…I always say shit

James:                  I have a lot of work.  It would be nice to be able to spread the stuff out on the middle seat.

Me:                        I don’t think so.  I’ll probably lay down on all three seats and take a nap

James:                  Excuse me

Me:                        Yeah, even on your seat

James:                  (is speechless)

Me:                        Just kidding…not on your seat

And then everyone was all seated and there was NOBODY there.  I was so excited until I heard:

Steward:              Excuse me

Me:                        yeah

Steward:              is anyone sitting there?

Me:                        No, but we don’t want anyone here.  We’ve already discussed it

Steward:              Well, you don’t get a choice

James:                  (to me) Why didn’t you tell them somebody was there?

Me:                        I can’t lie!  Why didn’t you?

And then all of a sudden someone says something.  His name turned out to be Steve.

Steve:                   Excuse me, I think I’m there.

Me:                        sorry, we don’t want you.

Steve;                   What?

Me:                        We really wanted to spread out and James has work to do.

Steve:                   Well, I just want to get home.

Me:                        Ok then.  James didn’t mean to be so rude.

And there you are.  The beginnings of a great plane trip and loads of interesting conversations.  Why were they interesting?  Because both James and Steve were African American Males and they were explaining all these things to me that if I tried to explain them, they would come across wrong.

So, what to do?  I asked Steve to write up a post regarding our conversation and he’s promised to do  so.  So far today, I talked to an interesting guy between Greensboro and Charlotte and two guys between Charlotte and Phoenix.  I have handed out 5 blog cards and by the time I get to California, I will have conquered the world.  Just thought you should know!

Well, it took 17 hours to get across the country.  I met a ton of new people and handed out my cards but there weren’t any other conversations that merited me repeating them.  I’ll try to keep you up to date but who knows.  Just chill and go with the flow, I know I’m going to.

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11 Comments

  1. Kristy
    July 28, 2011

    Very nice post in which you just had to speak. I’m one of the ones that hopes like hell no one speaks and I can just nap it out!!!

    • Lynn
      July 28, 2011

      You would hate me then…although if the person clearly doesn’t wanna talk, I won’t talk to them

  2. Suzy
    July 28, 2011

    Every time there’s an empty seat next to me, I go thru the same thing in my head.

    • Lynn
      July 28, 2011

      Too funny! I bet everyone does

  3. Old Gal
    July 28, 2011

    And someone as charming as YOU were not selected to speak at the conference?? I can’t believe it. I hope you do “crash” the podium and liven things up.

    Have fun.

    BTW, what do you have printed on your blog cards. I am so new to this and have thought about printing some but didn’t know exact protocol.. Help.

    • Lynn
      July 28, 2011

      Name, email, twitter, facebook. Blog URL…also position

  4. Kelly
    July 28, 2011

    LOVE this post, and that you threatened to lay on James. Steve, if you are reading this, please do not let us down.

    • Lynn
      July 28, 2011

      Hmmm…it’s been two days Steve. No worries, I have his email address

  5. Lady Estrogen
    July 28, 2011

    I think the winner for me was a guy that scratched his crotch and smelled his fingers the entire flight from Hawaii to Auckland – fecking awesome.
    I’ll do the recount some day on my blog, I’m sure. Haven’t gotten around to it. It’s a rip snorter, for sure.

    • Lynn
      July 29, 2011

      Yuck…

  6. Angel
    August 8, 2011

    “Me: I don’t think so. I’ll probably lay down on all three seats and take a nap

    James: Excuse me

    Me: Yeah, even on your seat

    James: (is speechless)”

    Oh my god Lynn – that is hysterical – and I get that way on buses (I have not yet flown). I even have the “Bitch, please!” look down pat – people have been known to stand cause they think I am gonna be a psycho. I’m not, but I do like to spread out a bit. i.e. my frozen foods not becoming significantly less than frozen faster due to body heat lol

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