This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i have travel issues


You decide you want to fly to California to visit your daughter and it seems pretty simple doesn’t it but then, you have to make so many decisions.  Decisions like:


What airline do I take? What flight? What time?


Then they ask you to choose a seat. Do you upgrade to premium?


Do you pay for the exit row seat?


I decided to upgrade to premium ostensibly to get more legroom.


Does that work out? Are you stuck next to someone?


Then you pay to check your luggage?


Do you check all your stuff or do you it squeeze into a smaller bag and gate check it? Make the decision, that’s 25 dollars there.


Then, the most important decision of all.  Do you get Starbucks at the airport and realize that you’ll never sleep or do you forgo the coffee and try to sleep knowing that you never do and you’re sure to be frustrated?


Huh? What do you do?


I called Kevin to ask his opinion and he basically was wishy washy and called me a child so I got the coffee thus assuring myself that I’d be exhausted and wired all at the same time!


Next decision, do I get a sandwich before the flight or pay USAir even more money for their new “MarketPlace” snacks?


I purchased my own sandwich and now regret it because soon after I bought it at the Charlotte airport I saw a better looking sandwich down the concourse.


See, that’s what happens in these large airports.  If you pull the trigger too soon you always see a better food place but so many times I’ve waited and then I get to my gate and there’s no good food place.


See what I mean about all these decisions? And me, with no caffeine yet either.


Then finally, I get on the plane.  I walk through first class and see all those little pillows and I think “I should take one” but I figure that “no, I’ll ask first!”


So I DO ask the steward and guess what? Those little pillows are only for FIRST CLASS customers.  Even though there were extras they refused to give me one.


I could’ve brought my own pillow and in fact, have one in my suitcase but my pocketbook is full of cookies I baked for Keely to give the showrunner in thanks for his recommendation on something.


So, no pillow plus coffee means I’m probably NOT going to sleep but great news, they have GoGo inflight wifi so I figure I’ll check stuff out.  But can I get on?


No, not without playing heaps of money.  I have been on lots of airlines that give you free wifi but apparently US Airways is not one of them.


The conclusion I’ve come to is that it would be cheaper to own my own jet! No. Not really but it would certainly be more convenient.  Cold somebody please work on that for me?


I appreciate it thanks.


And by the way, the guy next to me brought a pillow, put on his sunglasses and is snoring loudly! Are you fucking kidding me???


Arrrrggghhhhhhhh … Damn it, now I gotta pee cuz of the stupid Venti coffee.  Should I wait or should I go? See what I mean about decisions?

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  1. Sherry
    May 2, 2013

    Remember when flying used to be fun? When you didn’t get strip searched before you even got on the plane? When they served a real meal and didn’t charge extra for it? When you didn’t have to pay $20 for a soggy sandwich and a water bottle in the airport terminal? When your toothpaste didn’t get confiscated and you shamed because it was more than 3 ounces? I miss those days.

    • Lynn
      May 2, 2013

      We must be really old if we remember that

  2. Julie
    May 2, 2013

    I thought we were in agreement that it is a PURSE, not a damn pocketbook.

    • Lynn
      May 2, 2013

      I never agreed

  3. Name *
    May 2, 2013

    Whoopee, I have something to look forward to. Next Friday, I hop a flight to LAX from Austin. I’m checking my bag, which will cost me, and a nice chilled beverage, but I won’t buy the wi-if (I’ll show them!) because I’ll make myself work on my novel. Probably the erotica, just for kicks. I like having a little something on the rocks when I fly anyway.

    • Fragrant Liar
      May 2, 2013

      Your Spambot said it doubted my humanity, but I’m for reals!

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