This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i introduce All Fooked Up Rival

I don’t even know where to begin to explain this story so I suppose I’ll just start at the beginning.

  • I have a blog (you know this, you’re reading it)
  • I have 3 kids (you should know this, I mention it ALL THE TIME)
  • They think my blog is stupid.
  • Keely (age 21) thinks its poorly written and boring
  • Andie (age 20) thinks it’s wildly inaccurate and NOT FUNNY
  • Daniel (age 17) refuses to think about it
  • Andie was away.  Now she’s back.
  • I mean, really back…like she’s LIVING AT HOME
  • Keely is in Washington
  • Daniel is home for the summer
  • Andie has been threatening to start a rival blog
  • She’s been threatening this for a LONG TIME
  • She originally decided to call the rival blog “Completely Normal”
  • Once again, Andie has informed me that “Completely Normal” would be much funnier than my blog
  • Last weekend we had a conversation
  • I wrote the conversation up on Monday
  • I emailed the conversation to Andie on Monday
  • Andie told me it was “wildly inaccurate” on Monday
  • Andie corrected my email on Monday
  • Andie emailed me the corrections on Monday
  • I wanted to put her corrections up as a post (they were very funny…VERY FUNNY)

Here’s what happened next (a conversation):

 

Andie:             You are completely wrong with everything you record

 

Me:                  I can’t remember word for word, why don’t you help me?

 

Andie:             I’m not helping you but you take all the credit for everything funny

 

Me:                  I do not

 

Andie:             I’m starting a rival blog

 

Me:                  You would never do that.  You always threaten to.

 

Andie:             My blog will be SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOURS

 

Me:                  You’ll never do it

 

Andie:             I’ll have so many followers that you’ll get sad

 

Me:                  Well, that’s because you have 1100 Facebook friends and Keely has 1600

 

Andie:             My entire blog will be editing your blog

 

Me:                  What?

 

Andie:             I’m going to call it All Fooked Up Rival

 

Me:                  hahaha…seriously?

 

Andie:             I’ll just take your posts and edit it to make them correct just like I did the other day

 

Me:                  Why would you do that?

 

Andie:             For the people

 

Me:                  For the people? You’ll never make All Fooked Up Rival.

 

Andie:             I will.  And it will be a great success.

 

Me:                  Hey Kevin, can you believe this?  Let’s kick them out of here.

 

So, about half an hour later I get a text.  Are you sitting down folks?

 

Andie:

Mom

Check your email

IMMEDIATELY

Do it do it Do it do it Do it do it Do it do it Do it do it Do it do it Do it do it Do it do it Do it do it

 

This is what my email was: Press Here

 

Me:

Hahahaha hahahaha

Posting it now

Fucking hilarious

 

Andie:

No you can’t

ITS OUR WEBSITE

WE’RE FOR REAL

 

Me:

Did u start a real site?

 

Andie:

No idk how

Need you to

 

Me:

R u serious

Do u want to buy a real domain and all

Nice about the liver btw

 

Andie:

Haha thanks

What do you think of our mission statement?

Robin hood of all blogs

 

Me:

Ok. Go to www.wordpress.com

Set up a blog

 

Andie:

Not right now

 

Me:

Awesome mission statement. Couldn’t stop laughing

 

Andie:

What did dad say

 

Me:

My logo is copywrited bitch

 

Andie:

It doesn’t matter that’s not your logo

It’s modified to be OUR logo

We stole it from the rich

And we’re giving it to the poor!

 

Me:

Right. My bad

Do u know a lot of poor people?

 

Andie:

Yep

Yeah

“the people” are poor

Because of recession

 

Me:

Ok monsterman

 

Andie:

Whatever

This would be a good post for you

If afur doesn’t steal it

Or correct it

Post a link to our blog on your blog pweaz

 

Me:

I would love to post it

Can we make your site first?

U don’t have a blog

 

Andie:

I need you to make it

Then you can post it

And say “for more see this link

I want our page to have all that stuff I wrote on the front tho

 

Me:

Ok.  Let me get this straight.  I  post this on your blog and send my readers to you?

 

Andie:

To rival yours properly

You make my blog and post it

Then you can also post it on yours

 

Me:

Ok. So I write a post about your blog and send them to u

Ok. Will do

You are so funny

And for the future say “see this link”

 

Andie:

Don’t do it till I wake up

 

Me:

This is hilarious

I won’t

 

Andie:

And if you wanna buy us out

It’s a million for me, half a mill for Dano

 

Me:

You’re funny

 

Andie:

I know I’m funny

It’s a gift

You can’t post till people can see our site cuz we need them to understand there will be more for the future

 

Me:

Ok I get it.

 

Andie:

THE PEOPLE must know

 

Me:

Ok.

 

Andie:

Just making sure

 

Me:

Ok. Tomorrow

 

Andie:

Sometimes you don’t pay attention

Adieu

 

So, there you are!  Andie started a Blog called All Fooked Up Rival and wants ME to create it ( I DID!  I spent 4 fucking hours creating it on Friday) and then basically her blog will be mocking my blog.  I’m speechless although I can’t stop laughing.  I must say, I’m really beginning to enjoy my children.

 

And yet, I’m totally regretting having them.  Hmmm….paradox.

 

SO, GO to HERE and read the mission statement.  Clearly I have raised some insane children.

 

I’m just saying …

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25 Comments

  1. Suzy
    July 12, 2011

    I read their blog. I don’t think you have anything to worry about.

    • Lynn
      July 12, 2011

      hahaha…thanks Suzy! Profound relief. also, when do you sleep?

  2. Katja Brown
    July 12, 2011

    AFU and AFUR smackdown – bring it on!!!

    • Lynn
      July 12, 2011

      I know, right?

  3. Cabbage
    July 12, 2011

    It just now occurs to me that my family might be related to yours. Because I thought that exploiting technology to carry living-room tiffs out into the world for everyone else to wonder at was entirely a Donathan trait.
    If there are any six-fingered kids in your genealogy, we totally got to set up a family reunion.

    • Lynn
      July 12, 2011

      wait? is that from The Princess Bride? or do you actually have a six fingered kid. Nope, my kids love to embarrass me over the internet. Now, its a war. A funny war BUT A WAR NONETHELESS

  4. julie
    July 12, 2011

    LOL This is going to be a hoot! And just what I need – another blog to read while “pretending” to be hard at work.

    • Lynn
      July 12, 2011

      Well, i’m happy i could help you out with your time wasting…i’m here for you

  5. RCB
    July 12, 2011

    So you spent 4 hours (or should that be ‘four’ hours?) creating a site for the people that’s basically gonna mock yours? I thought I knew what a mother’s love was all about, but I was completely and utterly wrong. You’ve raised the bar, Lynn! (But just between the two of us – we know where your kids got their sense of humor, right?)

    • Lynn
      July 12, 2011

      yep…i thought it was so funny that i HAD to do it

  6. Jayme (Random Blogette)
    July 12, 2011

    Holy crap that is hilarious! I can totally see this when my kids get older, but by that time the interwebz will be dramatically different considering they are only 6 and 10. =) I about peed myself reading that mission statement.

    • Lynn
      July 12, 2011

      yeah….if your kids are snotty and/or funny you can expect this type of shit

  7. Angel
    July 12, 2011

    Yeah see, I prefer yours. Your shit is funnier – perhaps this is an age thing. Or maybe just a “I know what kids are like” thing.

    Which ever way, your blog works better for me.

    N.B. Falsification has worked for centuries, and we only have the kids words as evidence – I need more to refute any and all claims of theirs, LOL. History, after all, is written by the victors!

    • Lynn
      July 12, 2011

      thanks Angel. I think i’m funnier too

  8. Paula@Simply Sandwich
    July 12, 2011

    This is hilarious! My daughter teases me about my blog too but not quite at this level! Looking forward to seeing how this whole thing pans out! :)

  9. FranceRants
    July 12, 2011

    On my way to their blog right now..

    • Lynn
      July 12, 2011

      hahaha

  10. Don E. Chute
    July 12, 2011

    Shitski… ya’- all are crazy!!!

    I think I will give up both of my blogs…Start a new blog about AFU and AFUR. Between that and commenting on all ya’-crazies blog(s)…

    I will be reallyreally Happy:-) and buzybuzybuzy.

    Aloha From Sunny South Florida!

    • Lynn
      July 12, 2011

      hahaha..what would you call it

  11. Trinh
    July 12, 2011

    Love it! (My comments are utterly boring, wishing there was just a button to press for love it, hate it, etc….)

    • Lynn
      July 12, 2011

      hmmm…i wonder if there is such a thing

  12. Name *
    July 12, 2011

    OMG … this is hilarious. I do believe this is an even bigger catfight than the one you described between dooce and heather armstong (In Which It’s a Catfight). My money’s on you for, to quote Kathy Bates in Fried Green Tomatoes, “Face it, girls, I’m older and I have more insurance.” Scratch insurance and insert wisdom.

    • Lynn
      July 12, 2011

      hahaha…i figure that she’ll be completely bored with it in two weeks. As i pointed out to her, to diss my blog she’s going to have to read it and she HATES to read it.

  13. Ashley
    July 12, 2011

    Hahahahaha. Oh my goodness, I love it. You raised a daughter who is just like you. So much awesome here.

    • Lynn
      July 12, 2011

      yeah…she is SO MUCH LIKE ME…actually, i have TWO that are a lot like me. UGGHHHH

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