This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i just retrieved my mail

I just got back from my mailbox with the biggest pile of crap ever and all I have to say is “they’re killing trees for this shit?”  In case you’re interested, and even if you’re not, I’m going to go through my mail for you.

1.    Properties up in the mountains near Asheville, North Carolina.  Not just any properties mind you, but FORECLOSED PROPERTIES so that I can get a deal on the back of other peoples misery.  The excellent news is that it comes with TROUT STREAM ACCESS.  Of course, I’m not interested in a Trout Stream unless it comes with a compound bow and I can use that for fishing.  If that’s the case, count me in.  If not, count me out.

 

2.    Free cotton hip hugger briefs from VICTORIA’S SECRET.  Well, I have to admit, the model looks pretty damn good but unless that body comes with those briefs, once again quit fucking with my mind and making my life miserable.  I can do that by myself.

 

3.    Time Sensitive Material – Open immediately! This is letting me know that I prequalified for a mortgage loan.  Really?  Don’t you think if I wanted a loan I would have gone out and gotten one?

 

4.    Annual Fee waived new American Airlines Credit Card.  I get about 10 of these offers a week.  They drive me up the wall.

 

5.    The Sierra Club.  Now with a Free US Wall Map Enclosed.  If I had to hazard a guess, and if I really wanted to open it, which I don’t, I’m betting they want me to send them money and join them.  No thanks.

 

6.    CIGNA… ummm this is actual mail. They are my insurance provider.

 

7.    Bank of America with Keely’s statement.  Why this shit comes here I have no idea? She’s 21 and should get it at her own place.

 

8.    ULTA — excellent news that if I actually wore makeup I could get it at 20% off.

 

9.    Israel My Glory — I have no FUCKING idea what the hell this is.  Something to do with the Gospel and the Lancaster Prophecy Conference.  Do they seriously have any clue who they just sent this to?  Oh my god!  Even better is that the director of Jewish Americans for Sarah Palin will be there.  41 pages of pure, unadulterated crap.  Lucky day.

 

10.    Stupid financial information, which isn’t supposed to be coming in the mail but still, is and is about a ¼ inch thick and is killing tons of trees.

 

11.    My financial statement.  Ok, this one is fine.

 

So there you have it.  I just got a stack of mail and I needed about 3 items out of it.  The rest is tons and tons of wasted paper just sent to irritate and annoy me.  For the people who send out this shit?  JUST STOP.

 

THAT. IS. ALL.

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33 Comments

  1. Suzy
    September 13, 2011

    If you moved, you lost a lot of junk mail that way. I was so excited when I moved this time. But then a month after I got here I got something from an old company that didn’t have my new address WITH MY NEW ADDRESS ON IT. This makes no sense. The P.O. forwards your mail for a year and puts a giant yellow sticker on it that says you are responsible for telling everyone you’ve moved. AND I DIDN’T DO THAT BUT TO A FEW PEOPLE.

    Now I’m all riled up.

    • Lynn
      September 13, 2011

      i still get junk mail from the people who USED to live her. 10 years ago. can you believe that shit?

  2. Nicole
    September 13, 2011

    Hey, If you are not going to use that Ulta coupon you could throw it this way. The total purchase ones don’t come everyday! Kidding. Isn’t the mail ridiculous. I want companies to realize that if I order from their internet site, I DON’T WANT THEIR MAIL. Obviously, I know how to find your site. Don’t sign me up for every mailing and catalog in the universe. And from all of the affiliate companies as well.

    The Kidless Kronicles
    Wag More, Bark….
    Nicole recently posted..Travel Tuesday: New York CityMy Profile

    • Lynn
      September 13, 2011

      yeah, and these are completely ridiculous. Driving me nuts

  3. mommylisa
    September 13, 2011

    OMG I get the Victoria’s Secret free panty all the time and the last time I was actually going to the mall, so I thought. Heck, I will get free undies. It was totally IMPOSSIBLE to actually get the free ones. I actually set the damn thing on the counter and walked out.

    • Lynn
      September 13, 2011

      Ok, now i’m pissed. I’m going to try that next time. Maybe you never get the free stuff? OMG…that’s crazy. I always write an open letter on my blog when those things bug me

  4. Tex
    September 13, 2011

    I get the VS ‘free panty’ thingy all the time, and I actually DO get the free panties…either for me or my teenage girls! No problems here getting them!
    But I also get the other crap too, and I just take it from my mailbox and put directly into my recycle bin:)

    • Lynn
      September 13, 2011

      It’s just sooo annoying that i get so much of that crap. I haven’t tried the free panty thing. i always throw it all away

  5. Katja Brown
    September 13, 2011

    I love those little snapshots of your live! BTW, after yesterday’s blog I noticed that I, too, have a “dry off” routine after showering ;)
    Katja Brown recently posted..The role of the stay at home momMy Profile

    • Lynn
      September 13, 2011

      ahhh…thanks. i guess i just always bitch about such mundane things

  6. Luda
    September 13, 2011

    Every week, like clockwork, I get mail from Time Warner Cable offering me a land line for only $19.99! EVERY WEEK. FOR THE LAST 69 (ballpark number) WEEKS. If I wanted a land line, don’t you think I’d have called you back by now?

    Also, who in God’s name has land lines anymore?! i know one person that does and she’s 92 years old. Are you callin’ me old, fuckers?

    • Lynn
      September 13, 2011

      ummm…i have a land line! hahaha

      • Luda
        September 13, 2011

        Well. This is awkward.

        I’m sorry! I know you’re not old! Inserting foot into mouth now.

        • Lynn
          September 13, 2011

          no, it’s quite all right. I think it’s funny

  7. By Word of Mouth Musings
    September 13, 2011

    I was going to comment but then Luda called me old, and now i’m going to sulk somewhere instead ….

    • Lynn
      September 13, 2011

      me too! i have a landline too…you’re not old girl

  8. Luda
    September 13, 2011

    Hahahaha. Oh my. I’m sorry! Do you guys have both cell phones and land lines?

    • Lynn
      September 13, 2011

      yeah…land line for the house….and then we each have our own cell phones. 5 numbers worth of cell phones

  9. Luda
    September 13, 2011

    Also, am I still allowed to comment on your blog even though I just basically insulted you and all of your readers by accident?

    • Lynn
      September 13, 2011

      I’m sure you didn’t insult ALL my readers! hahaha

      of course, you can comment

    • We don’t have a land line and never have since we got married 6 years ago. Always just used our cell phones.

      Well, actually I take that back, we do have a land line here in China but it came with the apartment. You think telemarketers in the US are annoying? Imagine picking up the phone and just hearing a bunch of Chinese. Now that’s annoying. Reminds me why we never had a landline. Of course, I’m just assuming it’s a telemarketer, could be something important but it all sounds the same to me.

      • Lynn
        September 14, 2011

        most young people will never have a land line so I’m sure my kids won’t. Are you fluent in chinese yet?

        • Fluent in Chinese? Baha! I wish! Actually we’re on the downhill slope of our contract and I’ve gotten kind of lazy lately. I know enough to get around, and I’m not sure I’ll EVER be able to understand it. I’m such a visual person, I just can not seem to process what comes in my ears. The curse of the artist, I guess.

          • Lynn
            September 16, 2011

            I’m the same way…i can’t seem to process anything auditory

  10. Jackie
    September 13, 2011

    There are days that I just read the junk mail or things addressed to occupant so I can ignore the things that look like bills. Those go in the husband pile!

    • Lynn
      September 13, 2011

      ahhh…i pay the bills around here so i have to go through it all. There are days i get ALL junk and no actual mail. it’s quite ridiculous

  11. Name *
    September 13, 2011

    How screwed up is it that the freakin’ SIERRA CLUB is killing trees to recruit new members? But also, now I’m a little sorry I went to that website that stops junk mail cause I like new panties.
    Name * recently posted..We got STYLE…(and NASA Rockets)My Profile

    • Lynn
      September 13, 2011

      I know right? So stupid

  12. Dana
    September 13, 2011

    Sorry, I got so fired up over the SIERRA CLUB shenanigans I forgot to put my name…s

  13. Lady Estrogen
    September 14, 2011

    Uhhhh…. I have taken to retrieving our mail only once a week, so I’m only depressed and annoyed (about mail) once a week.
    Lady Estrogen recently posted..Locked OutMy Profile

    • Lynn
      September 14, 2011

      well, we are getting a ton of college stuff so i need to check it daily…also, i’m compulsive

  14. Kelly Fox
    September 16, 2011

    Ok, the Israel Glory thingamadoody, Is that a mosque in the picture? what IS that? It looks like a giant boob, or a giant diaphram. Either way, it creeped me out.

    • Lynn
      September 16, 2011

      I know right? I have never gotten anything like that before. What the hell?

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