This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i learned shit this week

Things I’ve learned this week

  1. Don’t write about how cloudy the fish tank can get because then the stupid tank will get EVEN cloudier and you’ll have to change it again

  2. Don’t ever give anyone 4 Ducolax, no matter how messed up their stomach is

  3. Because that messes their stomach up further

  4. And then they’re miserable

  5. And then you’re miserable

  6. Because you can’t have a miserable kid without a miserable mom

  7. Because it must be some sort of law I suppose

  8. So really, be careful with the Dulcolax

  9. Don’t make beautiful piles of important paperwork and leave them on your desk

  10. Or if you do make beautiful piles of important paperwork and leave them on your desk don’t leave a full cup of coffee near them

  11. Or if you do leave a full cup of coffee near them don’t answer the phone

  12. Or if you do answer the phone don’t knock the whole fucking cup of coffee all over your beautiful pile of important paperwork

  13. However if all that occurs and you panic, DO run and get a towel to sop it all up

  14. However don’t do that while the person on the phone is asking you important questions

  15. Because if they’re asking questions you can’t remember to answer while you’re running

  16. But if they are asking important questions don’t forget to mop up the mess

  17. Because if you do forget to mop up the mess then all the damn forms you’ve gathered for you son will now be dripping in coffee

  18. Which wouldn’t be so bad if you didn’t decide to lay them on the rug to dry

  19. Which wouldn’t be a problem if your dog wasn’t so fucking curious that he then walked all over the paperwork

  20. So then you had to move all the paperwork to dry all over the place

  21. And then you couldn’t get it back in order

  22. But you finally dried your paperwork and it looked like hell

  23. And you still had to fax it all to Duke

  24. Even though its all crinkly

  25. And wrinkly

  26. And yellow

  27. So yeah, don’t do all that shit

  28. Or else all those errands you made your kid do to get said paperwork ready for Duke

  29. Will be for naught

  30. So yeah, don’t do all that

 

That’s what I learned this week … how bout you?

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12 Comments

  1. Elizabeth Henry
    June 25, 2012

    This is so funny and I can relate much on this, especially the putting important paperwork pile on the desk unattended and a cup of coffee, whatta mess. So next time let’s be careful and anticipate things to happen to avoid inconvenience in our lives.
    Elizabeth Henry recently posted..maxpersuasion.comMy Profile

  2. Dylan
    June 25, 2012

    Wow. What a week it must’ve been, huh. I hope things get better though :)

    What I learned this week…or should I say, what the family learned this week…

    NEVER send Dad out to buy something without FULL instructions and a descriptive note of what you want.

    Dad went to get a new circular fluorescent bulb for the kitchen…and we THOUGHT it was pretty straight forward – you have to check the color of the light, right?

    Well, WRONG.

    He ended up getting an orange light and now our kitchen bloody well looks like the back room of a dingy bar! It’s fuckin’ neon!

    • Lynn
      June 25, 2012

      hahaha…write that out and send it to me and it could be a “go ahead amuse me” post. I’m visualizing that now. Too funny

      • Dylan
        June 25, 2012

        Just did :D

  3. Angie
    June 25, 2012

    Totally reminds me of the kids books, “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie”, “If You Give a Moose a Muffin” etc.

  4. Margaret M.
    June 25, 2012

    hey lynn, just a thought because i have messed up important paperwork lots of times before. here is what i do before i fax or mail the damaged form:
    1) i fix it up (cover it up) with white labels that i then fill in again including putting in the lines (with a ruler) that were on the original form
    2) i sometimes have also cut out and taped a clean white piece of paper (computer paper) to covered up the coffee stains
    3) then i make a copy on the computer of my newly “revised form” (the copy will hide the lines of tape and or labels to make it look almost like the oroginal
    4) i now have a prettier version of my form that i now can scan and email or fax
    Good luck! You have a lot on your plate these days. to say the least.

  5. Margaret M..
    June 25, 2012

    Next time I will spell and proofread better.

  6. Julie
    June 25, 2012

    This week I made some awesome grilled shrimp. I had to use 2 skewers to thread the shrimp so we could flip them over while cooking. I had a flash of genius when I drew a picture for The Mister of my new invention ~ a double skewer!! Sadly, I learned that they had been around forever, even Home Depot carries them. Sigh.

  7. Sharon Precourt
    June 25, 2012

    Oh, that is really shit if your important papers are wet by liquid. It really makes your whole day bad. I learned a lot from your post about things I’ve learned this week.
    Sharon Precourt recently posted..7 Benefits of Automated Forex Trading SystemsMy Profile

  8. Melanie
    June 25, 2012

    Good lord. I needed that Monday morning laugh, so thank you. This weekend all I learned was that if I get everything done by 10 am, I can lay around lazily the rest of the day and feel absolutely zero guilt about it.
    Melanie recently posted..Warning: This Post Is Sappy As HellMy Profile

  9. Kerry
    June 27, 2012

    OOOHHHHH God I feel you pain on the Ducolax!!!! That shit is strong (no pun intended)!!!!! I hope the rest of your week is better :}

  10. Faith Snow
    June 30, 2012

    Gosh, this is so stressing. If my important papers were got wet like this for sure I would have a hilarious day.
    Faith Snow recently posted..Symptoms of Nail FungusMy Profile

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