This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!
In which i learned stuff at Blissdom, part one!
If you whine about having no followers on Twitter while in the bathroom, people will follow you out of pity!
Long explanation here: Ann, aka @AZanswers is new to all this and after convincing @typeamom to help her with social media, decided to try Twitter. She is a friend of mine from home who is just starting a blog entitled Women, Money and Divorce which is a resource site for women. While she’s a hell of a financial planner, her SEO knowledge is somewhat lacking. That’s one of the reasons that myself, Ann and our friend Marta, who is an Interior Designer went to BlissDom together!
At any rate, on our second day at BlissDom, we ran into @typeAmom in the hall. We’d had drinks with her the day before and she was trying, and I do mean trying, to help Ann work her way into 2011. The following conversation took place:
@typeAmom “Ann, I DM’ed you and you didn’t respond”
@AZanswers “What’s a DM?”
@allfookeduptoo “Oh good god!”
@typeAmom “It’s a direct message”
@AZanswers “Oh, how do I get it?”
@typeAmom “on Twitter”
(Note: I can’t answer because I’m falling down laughing too damn hard)
@AZanswers “Marta (@MartaMInteriors), do i have Twitter on my BlackBerry?”
(Note: I’m still on the floor laughing)
@MartaMInteriors “We’ll download it for you during the next panel”
So, we go to the panel and Marta and I get bored and leave but Marta ends up putting Twitter on Ann’s BlackBerry. Another panel is coming up so we quickly run to the bathroom. So, I’m in the stall when I hear the following:
@Azanswers “Shoot, I only have 5 followers”
Random lady “I only have 4”
(I’m in a state of shock in the bathroom because seriously, how is it possible for someone to be worse at social media than Ann. I mean, she only has 5 followers)
@AZanswers “Oh, I have more than you?”
(She’s so damn proud of herself…really, she is!)
Random lady “You have 5 children?”
@AZanswers “No, five followers”
Random lady “Oh, I was talking about children”
(I’m cracking up because seriously, this is so fucking funny…I’m getting ready to come out of the stall when I hear)
@AZanswers “I can’t believe I only have 5 followers” (in a very whiney voice)
New person “I’ll follow you” (clearly feeling bad for Ann)
@AZanwers “Oh! You were the speaker in the first panel. Thank you so much, what do I do?”
Another person “I’ll follow you too”
@thinkmaya “Here, let me help, type in @T H I N K …”
@AZanswers “Wait, wait…where do I type that in?”
@MartaMInteriors “Ann, give me the phone and I’ll do it for you”
(I’m cracking up again…I’m useless)
@thinkmaya “…so add it in and send me a message and I’ll follow you back”
Other person “So will I…I’ll add you in too”
@allfookeduptoo “Wow Ann, now you’re up to 7 followers. You are the only person I know who has increased their followers by 500% in one hour of blissdom…in the bathroom!”
So, to reiterate…trolling for followers in the bathroom is the way to go. People will follow you out of pity. I’m just sayin’…
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That really made me crack up because I could have said most of the stuff @AZanswers did. Seriously, in the time it takes me to respond to a text on my phone I could have built a fire and sent smoke signals.
I once lent my phone to a teenager who needed to call her mother for a ride. She said, “Oh! My grandma has this phone!” Yup, I have a grandma phone–at least it has big buttons :-).
It was seriously the funniest conversation ever!
A whole different slant on ‘potty humor’ :)
Potty humor…Ann was so lost and everybody was so nice but seriously, I could not stop laughing.
this is too funny and reminds me of my beginnings on Twitter!
;-)
erin
@ErinMargolin
I’m sure we all started like this…but it was so cute because she’s just a nut! A 52 year old nut! We had a great time and she was a fun travel companion.
This is very “Who’s on First” in a lot of ways.
I know…I couldn’t have made this up if I tried!
Going with Liz here…He’s on third, we’re not talking about him.
This is hilarious and I know you didn’t make this up!
I did not make this up at all…it was so damn funny that i literally couldn’t stop laughing. I love when us old folk get stuck on technology!
Thats hilarious! I had @DutchBeingMe be my recruiter after I went to Bloggy boot camp! I had like 50 followers in a hurry and thought I was hot shit! Haha but next conference I am so doing the bathroom thing!
I think it helped that she was older and looked so forlorn!
That is hilarious! Hmmm, maybe I need to try that!
I wouldn’t have thought about it either. Thanks for reading
I want you to know that I am up to a big 27 followers–All followers are welcome and very appreciated. My goal is 100–thank you all for your support. I am going to read all of your tweets.
Yeahhh!!!! I’m glad you’re moving up there in the following world! 100 followers, here we come.
I think we should take this @AZanswers campaign to the viral level!! I’m starting a “follow AZanswers” phonathon – who is in?? 100 followers this week – 1000 by the end of the month! Power!!!
A phoneathon Marta? Hahaha…I’m working on it!
Ok I was cracking up so hard. thanks for making me smile.. I followed @AZanswers just because..I was not in the bathroom, but at blissdom. power to Ann
Thanks for following her…she gets so excited about a new follower and that makes me laugh.
I was wondering how to get followers. Now I know. Blissdom’s not for another year though, huh. Oh well…..
You also have to perfect the I’m pitiful whine.
LMAO how the heck did that lady confuse children with followers???
I guess she couldn’t imagine anyone having so few followers.. It was funny as hell. Did u know you can have these posts emailed to you every morning if you want?
OMG, I would have been you in that context – I would have been glad to have been in the cubical though. Not cause of the act of laughing, but in case of laughing too damn hard.
Yeah, it was very funny I must say…
I am AZ the II. Up until last week I had maybe one Twitter follower. Then The Empress got involved (which is how I found you) and now I am up to 31. I still don’t know what the hell to do on Twitter. Maybe you should write about it for idiots like me (or if you did, I can’t find it). A sort of Twitter for Bloggers who are Dummies. I had people tweet me and didn’t even realize until 4 days later.
All I know is I just want to write. I can’t stop myself. So I started a blog. And no one came, so then I wanted to stop blogging, but continue writing.
It’s all so confusing…What to do?
Hahaha…i saw that and i’m pretty sure i followed you. I’m not sure that i’m the best person to teach twitter as I don’t know shit…I learned a lot going to a local conference on technology and SEO. I also started writing and nobody read it. It can get discouraging. I’m annoying as hell about this blog and, in fact, just announced to my spin class this morning that they can get me by email (as if they care) so really, it’s all about self promotion. Unless you get lucky…which rarely happens. Somebody told me that if your content is good, people will find you. i’m still waiting…be patient (i’m not), and keep writing. I’m going to check you out for sho!
btw….I wanted to sign up to ‘follow’ you but, how?
Don’t say facebook, I’m not on it.
*sigh*
well, i would suggest either google friend connect or as i told my friends (the few i have), sign up to receive it by email every morning…and thanks. I’m off to check you out. Well, after i take care of some shit around here first.