This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!
In which i lose my sneakers … EVERY DAMN DAY
Every morning, or at least every morning on a Monday through Friday, Kevin and I wake up at 6:40. Uggghhhh
So Kevin wakes up and goes to take a shower and shave and get dressed and do all the things that people do when they get up to take a shower and shave and get dressed to start their day. Well, people who work at least.
I meanwhile, lie around for a few minutes and EVENTUALLY get up and get ready to start my day like people who DON’T get up to shower and shave and get ready to start their work day. THAT’S BECAUSE I DON’T WORK PEOPLE! WAKE UP!
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(oops, now I’m self conscious of exclamation points…and that’s because Andie told me yesterday that it’s not that I’m a terrible writer, it’s because I use TOO many exclamation points!!! I love exclamation points! They should that I’m excited about what I just wrote and NOW I’m self conscious about them. THANKS A LOT ANDIE!!)
and now back to our regularly scheduled post
Now, where was I? Oh yes. So I get up every day and put on my workout clothing which usually consists of leggings, a tshirt and a sweatshirt…probably one of the five billion polartec thingies I own. So I walk into the bathroom where Kevin is doing whatever Kevin is doing and I brush my teeth and wash my face and put my afro (yeah, you should see my hair in the morning … or maybe not actually) into a ponytail and I’m ready to begin my day.
Meanwhile the dog (Tucker … the dying dog who mostly just fakes his own death) is barking at me like “come on mom take me outside because I have no opposable thumbs and can’t open the front door by myself” so I’m getting all ready to take Tucker out when I realize that I CAN’T FIND MY SNEAKERS.
Now I’d like to tell you that this is an occasional thing but really, it’s every damn day. I can never find my sneakers. I really don’t know why. I always intend them to be in the closet but they just never are. I mean, I’ve explained to you how absentminded I am right? RIGHT?
So every morning I say in my whiney voice to Kevin, who is attempting to get ready to go earn a living, “where are my sneeeeeeeaaaakers?” or “Potato, I can’t find my sneakers” and Kevin says to me “unbelievable, they’re in the living room” or “you’re ridiculous, they’re next to the bed” or “yesterday you took them off in the kitchen” or “one day I’m going to write a blog post about how you can NEVER find your sneakers” or “Jesus Christ Lynn, why can’t you EVER find your sneakers” or “you’re an idiot Lynn because you’re WEARING your sneakers” or … well, you get the drift.
So yesterday morning I got up and got ready for my workout and I couldn’t find my sneakers. Unfortunatley, KEVIN was out of town and had been for 4 days so what was I to do? I mean, I remember the night before thinking “oops … I better put my sneakers in my room so I can find them in the morning” but guess what? I couldn’t find them at all!
So I looked in the room and the bathroom and the closet and I found the cat but no sneakers. Then I peeked in the office and the living room and the kitchen and where the hell are my sneakers. Finally I sent a text to Kevin:
I mean, the guy has a job to do and just because he’s out of town slacking off on some business trip doesn’t mean that I don’t need my sneakers to go work out right?
So off I went to check out the ENTIRE house again and I finally found my sneakers in my office on the desk. ON THE DESK! I guess I was carrying them into my room and I ended up in the office somehow and put them down and then, of course, forgot about them. I decided to let Kevin know that I had found my sneakers so he could live with himself for screwing up like this.
At least he accepted responsibility for what he had done.
And THAT is why people shouldn’t travel. Especially when other people are depending on them right?
Later Kevin told me that he read the texts out loud to the guys he was with. Kevin acts like a martyr being married to me but in fact, he gets a LOT of good stories out of it so really, he’s the winner not me.
So there you are? A cautionary tale of keeping the person in charge of your belongings close to home.
I’m just saying …
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I like how he gets a lot of good stories out of it. I think my husband feels the same way but my friends more. I’ve got a good one that this just reminded me of and I should probably share on my blog. Too funny!
Well, I’m glad to be of service.
Oh God. I lose my shoes every day, too. EVERY damned day. My only consolation is that nobody in this house ever can find their shoes. We’re way too disorganized.
I have a shoe basket for all the shoes by the door…except mine
Shoes, Keys, Lighter, Debit Card, Remote, Glasses, Drink, Phone. I am pretty sure I spend the majority of my time looking for SOMETHING. EVERY DAMNED DAY.
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yeah, didn’t think i was unique
You need one of those remote/trackers for “finding your keys anywhere” on your sneakers. Although you would probably lose that remote also. And clearly, that would be Kevin’s fault too.
Damn, quit screwin shit up KEVIN!
of course it’s Kevin’s fault…he’s my memory
I have three underbed boxes, and one shoe bureau. My running shoes ALWAYS go in the closet though. That way I don’t have to go digging through shoes to get to them. If I don’t put things in the same place every day I’d lose them forever. Once, I hadn’t put my keys in my bag and I looked through the house for three hours before I found them. Where were they? IN THE TRASH. I had thrown them out somehow. *shaking head at self*
i never take my keys out of my car or else i lose them
You use exclamation points like I use … I shouldn’t, I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it…
Love the sneakers story. I only have that problem when I’m running late, except with me it’s socks that Lixo has hidden.
AV
well, i’m anything but proper
I love exclamation points too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And when I do use them one or two is never enough!!!!!!!!!!!! And as far as sneakers go…I have 3 pairs for that exact reason hoping my odds of at least finding one pair will work out.
hmmm..so i should buy MORE sneakers then?
It’s really good to take every activities using a responsible shoe.. Snicker! truly proven to be amazing…
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so it’s my shoes fault then? excellent
I lost the bread yesterday. About 1/4 loaf was left and it vanished! I kept checking the counter and the cabinets and the fridge and even the trash. Today I found it. It was in the freezer. Who could have put it there?
Hi Kelley,
Maybe you just forgot that you left it alone, I think I have already an Alzheimer because even phone I left every where…
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My guy calls this the ‘left-handed syndrome’ b.c if anything winds up in my left hand, it will be put somewhere odd and I will have no memory of putting it there. Once he let me walk around for nearly 20 mins with an empty cheese wrapper in my hand before he finally called my attention to it. I also tend not to take responsibility for ‘losing’ things b.c people should know my now I am not responsible for anything I can carry and place somewhere else.
that’s funny…i lose things with both hands
Good for you Kevin. I t always nice to be in arelationship which provides you with story to relate to your buddies. Nice Sharing.
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Kevin’s totally fucking with you. He’s not traveling on business, he’s eyeballing you from the laundry room and moving your shit around when you’re not looking. Or paying the dog to do it. Or maybe he’s in cahoots with my bald one: hiding my glasses in my purse, the cellphone in the charger, and the keys in the ignition. “YES I CHECKED THERE” I bitch from 3000 miles away when he’s on a biz trip and I’m lost in translation at home. And then, I find said missing item. Where I left it. fuck-o-rama i hate it when he’s right.
pretty sure he’s away…those guys are tricky right?
Hahaha,
This Kevin, of Kevin’s character at least, has a great sense of humour :).
AS for your shoes on the desk, better sneakers than knickers, right? :D
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I used to have that sickness too..but instead of snickers it’s the car keys.. and car keys are unbelievable small and hard to find when you are actually looking for them. You might imagine how frustrated I am when I am all dressed up to leave, just to realize that my car keys are actually missing!
and that’s why i NEVER take my keys out of my car
It is as if you know exactly what goes on in this house of six. My sneakers are always missing…but worse??? I found one, and not the other. Apparently is was tired of being lost, and simply moved out.