This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i make some observations

 

Observations I made during my time at Duke Hospital

 

Observation #1

 

Yesterday I was going to the parking garage with Daniel.  It took forever but finally the little “you can walk now” man appeared so we could cross the street.  As we were crossing, Daniel asked what in the world that incredibly loud chirping sound was.  I pointed out that when it’s okay to cross, a loud chirping emits from the walk sign for blind people to know that they can cross the street.

 

Daniel:            but isn’t that kind of dangerous?

Me:                  what do you mean?

Daniel:            well, what if some REAL birds start chirping.  Then the blind people would die.

Me:                  that’s a valid point.

So this morning I parked in the parking garage and as I was coming out of the garage I heard, you guessed it, a lot of loud chirping.  Was it from the crosswalk? NO! It was from a ton of birds hanging out in the trees in front of the garage and not so coincidentally, directly adjacent to the crosswalk.

 

Now as I waited for the walking sign, I wondered about the poor blind people who would be getting smashed when the real walking sign chirping started.  Yes, it was louder than the birds but the birds were pretty loud too.  I wonder if this ever causes a problem.  Just curious.

 

Observation #2

 

Have you ever noticed that no matter HOW MANY sidewalks that are put down, people will take the shortest path anyway?  Case in point.  I was walking into the Hospital and even though there were about 3 sidewalks available, all of them leading towards the main entrance, there was still a small dirt path that went directly in between all of them because it was the most direct path.

 

Now this isn’t so unusual but seriously, it was only about 10 feet. 10 FEET!  People wouldn’t even walk on the sidewalk that would possibly cost a few more seconds.  Knowing that this is always the case, why don’t sidewalks exist where people actually want to walk? Why do architects and others always try to demand that the traffic flow go a certain way?  They never win.  I’m just saying.

 

Observation #3

 

People on drug say the funniest things.  For example, Keely was (and still is actually) in a seriously drug induced state.  She had a lot of visitors and they were having a discussion about strip aerobics (pole dancing) and they asked Keely what she was thinking about and this is what she said:

 

Keely:             camels

Ronnie:           why Keely?

Keely:             cuz I’m in the desert (like everyone is an idiot for not following the conversation)

 

When nobody knew what she was talking about she followed up with this gem:

 

Keely:             During strip aerobics I had heart shaped pink frosted doughnuts…

 

When questioned about that she calmly announced that:

 

Keely:             Woah, I really think I have to go to the bathroom.

 

Keely:             I have nine new notifications on Facebook

Keely:             I think I need to go to the bathroom

Later as she was sending a text message, she said that:

 

Keely:             Typing is the worst

Keely:             Seabisquit, we need to move these horses!

Friend:            what?

 

And then Keely looked at her friends like they were idiots and announced:

 

Keely:             yeah! Seabisquit!

 

I suppose she saw this movie when she was flipping channels some time before the surgery but I must say that she kept us all amused.

Observation #4

 

Never be the healthiest person on the floor or you’re screwed in getting good care.  Normally Keely would have been on the orthopedic floor but because of the artery thing, they put her on the cardiothoracic floor.  As a result, there were people recovering from heart and lung surgery all around her.

 

Therefore, nobody really knew what to do with her.  Add the fact that she was on crutches and nobody else was, they were at a loss.  I got to the point where I went and tracked down a nurse when she needed something.  I was already getting her all the drinks and food she needed but there were some things even I couldn’t do!  So remember, don’t be the healthiest or even better; insist that they move floors early on in your stay. That’s a lesson we learned.

 

Observation #5

 

I watch a lot of medical shows.  When I was little I watched Medical Center and Emergency.  I watched ER and Grey’s Anatomy and I can honestly say that most doctors don’t look the way they do on TV.  I would have been thrilled to have some gorgeous doctors floating around to stare at but, in fact, that just wasn’t the case.

 

Observation #6

 

Hospitals aren’t all that upbeat and relaxing. Even nice hospitals are quite boring and crowded and very frankly, full of sick people.  It’s not nearly as fun as you would think hanging out there so I would recommend that you stay away.

 

There are much better places to go.  Just my opinion.

 

So there you are! I’m sure I observed some other stuff but very frankly, I can’t remember shit and I’m so damn happy to be home in my own house that I could practically dance.

 

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the RSS feed to have future articles delivered to your feed reader.

28 Comments

  1. Ann
    May 29, 2012

    I could not agree more – with a lot of this. First of all it took me three days to realize what that chirping sound was. Second, hospitals, no matter how nice are definitely on my must visit list. I was so ready to get out of there. Happy to hear you and Keely have both been released and are back home. It was great meeting you.

    • Lynn
      May 29, 2012

      You too! So damn happy to be home

  2. Julie
    May 29, 2012

    I like observation #1 ~ gives a whole new meaning to getting smashed. Happy to hear that everyone is home. Peace, love and patience for the long road ahead.

    • Lynn
      May 29, 2012

      hahaha..it was crazy

  3. Jen Anderson
    May 29, 2012

    I’m actually relieved that real doctors aren’t TV-level good looking. Some of us would be to awe-struck to talk to them. I really did have that problem at Tek-Serve, the Mac repair place in NYC. Everyone who works there is really good looking. On Sex In the City, when Carrie went to Tek Serve, the actor they hired to play the techie who helped her was nowhere near as good looking as the guys who really work there. He looked like a PC and these guys are Mac hipster gods all the way.

    It’s bad enough being too shy to talk to the computer doctor, but an actual doctor? Oy.
    Jen Anderson recently posted..The Fucking LasagnaMy Profile

    • Lynn
      May 29, 2012

      hahaha…i once had a good looking doctor give me a shot in the ass. It was mortifying.

  4. Vidya Sury
    May 29, 2012

    Obs.1 freaked me out. Blind people, be careful! Arrgh

    I am currently on a series of dentists’ visits and ah well, I must say both the orthodontist and the root canal surgeon are good looking fellas, young and most important – have a sense of humor.

    Glad you’re home. So glad. Love, Vidya

    • Lynn
      May 29, 2012

      you are such a great commentor and thank you!

  5. Jester Queen
    May 29, 2012

    I love Keely’s drugged texts (and conversations). Those are the kinds of things she can keep people entertained with for ages! So glad things are going well for her. Hope they keep doing so. I think I’ll start using “Seabisquit” as slang for something.

    • Lynn
      May 29, 2012

      hahaaha,,,she is doing really well

  6. Barb
    May 29, 2012

    Lynn
    Somehow (please don’t ask me to remember) I stumbled across your blog. Holy crap, it is the funniest thing I have ever read. As I sit at work (not doing the things I’m supposed to be doing), I’ve learned the hard way not to be consuming liquids while reading past posts. Tech support has had to replace the keyboard twice.

    You are awesome. I’m sharing the blog link with all my friends who have a sense of humor.

    Thanks for making a totally boring day just a little more interesting. And I hope Keely continues to improve (or at least keep saying funny shit).

    • Lynn
      May 29, 2012

      this comment made my day…really, it did. sometimes i wonder why i bother and then i get a comment like this and i just smile. so thank you!

      • Barb
        May 29, 2012

        You bother so that people like me who don’t have interesting lives, and even if we did, couldn’t write as well as you, have something to make us laugh our asses off. Please don’t ever stop. Although it’s going to take me forever to go back and read all the previous posts. But for this, I’m willing to make the sacrifice. And you’re welcome! (Although my tech support guys still hate you)

        • Lynn
          May 29, 2012

          Hahaha…oh noes! Not the tech support guys

      • Rich D
        May 29, 2012

        Please don’t give it up, Lynn. I am always amused although I rarely comment (as probably most of your readers). Thanks for your efforts to provide entertaining … and often insightful subject matter. You’re awesome.

        • Lynn
          May 29, 2012

          thanks…i’m not giving up. Just sometimes (especially with the whole Keely thing) i wonder why i bother…thanks for the encouragement

  7. Name *
    May 29, 2012

    I’m kind of relieved that most doctors are not that good looking, but I wouldn’t mind one with an acerbic House-like wit. (That bit about counterproductive sidewalk placement, so true!) :-)
    Name * recently posted..Thousand Layer Brown Butter Chocolate Chip CookiesMy Profile

    • Lynn
      May 30, 2012

      hahaha…just people with an acerbic wit altogether would be nice…not so many of them around

  8. Debra Ruffing
    May 29, 2012

    I love your blog. I keep reading the chicken story every day so I know there are still funny people out there…thank God!

    • Lynn
      May 30, 2012

      thanks…i really needed all this blog love. i’m now reinvigorated

  9. Lauren
    May 30, 2012

    I’ll go with observation #3. It made me chuckle.
    Lauren recently posted..Wheatgrass BenefitsMy Profile

    • Lynn
      May 30, 2012

      thanks for reading and commenting (now i gotta go back and see which one #3 is, i can never remember)

  10. Jane Hanke
    May 31, 2012

    Nice blog. I go with observation 2.. walking on side walks. People really would want the shortest way not because they’re always in a hurry but they just like to. I have done the same thing too. It made me laugh upon reading this.
    Jane Hanke recently posted..Vigrx Oil ReviewMy Profile

  11. RSS
    May 31, 2012

    Re: Observation #2 —
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desire_path

    Landscapers talk about ’em all the time. I’m sure that the architects who planned the hospital thought they had mapped them, but desire paths can depend on vegetation and they’re very tricky!

  12. Michael (RN)
    June 2, 2012

    May I just say that… It’s a hospital, not a hotel or amusement park? If your biggest concern is how entertained you are, you likely don’t need to be there. And your kid probably didn’t get much attention because she didn’t NEED it. And she was most definitely milking the meds hype with all her “seabisquit” crap. Which is stupid and annoying. Ketamine is like the only thing that even significantly has that effect in adults and is very short-lived. And one would not likely be able to text during such a drug-induced state if the hallucinogenic effects were still that prominent. Just sayin… She probably does it out of competition because her mom tries to make a living out of trying to be funny.

    • Lynn
      June 2, 2012

      Michael, I shall respond to this crap in a blog post

  13. […] other day I wrote a post about Observations I had made during my time at Duke Hospital.  Here is the link to that post.   It was sort of a tongue in cheek account of my days spent with my daughter after she had TWO […]

  14. low vit d symptoms…

    One thing I have actually noticed is always that there are plenty of fallacies regarding the banking institutions intentions when talking about foreclosures. One fantasy in particular is that often the bank wishes to have your house. Your banker wants …

Follow Lynn on Facebook Follow Lynn on Twitter Follow Lynn via RSS Follow Lynn on Pinterest
Enter your Email

Recent articles


Follow Lynn on Facebook Follow Lynn on Twitter Follow Lynn via RSS Follow Lynn on Pinterest




Go to All Fooked Up Store 

Lynn MacDonald Art