This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!
In which i met a complete asshole
Warning: this is going to be a COMPLETELY rambling post.
Yesterday morning I picked my animals up at the vets as Kevin and I had been out of town for a week. My dog Tucker, who is slowly dying, seemed quite happy to see us but he actually looked like he was a little weak. Ever since we found out he was dying we basically feed him at will and yet, he’s continued to lose weight.
Much as I love the dog, I was MORE than a little dismayed to wake up this morning and discover that he had peed and shit ALL OVER my dining room rug. Now I don’t have all that many rugs in this house as I like my pine floors but I have a few and out of ALL the rugs in the house, I only have two nice rugs. One is in the living room and one is in the dining room.
Of course, the one is the dining room is BY FAR the nicest rug that I have in the house. This is where the dog ALWAYS chooses to let loose on. Does he do it because he thinks “there’s no way mom is going to eat breakfast in here?” or does he shit there because he thinks “this rug is dark red and it won’t show stains?” or is he actually aware that there is NOTHING more EXPENSIVE in my house that that rug. I honestly have no idea but I spent the morning cleaning it up.
By the time I got to the gym in an attempt to undo the damage that my vacation had wreaked on my body, I was already quite late. Now normally Kevin and I go work out together and then get coffee but Kevin was recovering from the flu and was only going to do a short workout and then go meet Daniel to watch NCAA basketball. Therefore, I was on my own.
I was on the recumbent bike, which is front of a huge row of TV’s when towards the end of my workout I seriously met the biggest asshole that I think I have ever talked to. When I was young I used to say to my dad “that guy is a total jerk” to which he would reply that “no one is a total jerk Lynn” and in this case I think my dad would say that “no one is a complete asshole” but DAD, you’re wrong.
So, I was sitting on my bike when this guy gets on the bike next to me and tries to figure out how the headphones work.
Me: what are you trying to do?
Him: I want to watch the NC State/Georgetown game
Me: just plug the headphones in and turn it to channel 1
Him: I did and it’s not working
Me: well, I’ll be off soon so you can have this bike when I’m done
Him: ok
Me: so are you routing for State?
Him: yeah, I went there
Me: what do you do now?
Him: I started my own company here in Greensboro. I HATE Greensboro
Me: well, why are you here then. Why not Research Triangle?
Him: I used to work there
Me: what do you do?
Him: I invented this chemical polymer that works with outdoor equipment
Me: so were you a chemical engineer at state?
Him: yeah, but education is a rip off
Me: how so?
Him: I never learned a single thing at state or at Carolina (UNC)
Me: why’s that?
Him: because I already knew everything they taught at state and the business school people at Carolina were a bunch of jerks telling me how they did it
Me: Sounds like you must be pretty smart
Him: yeah, I got into MIT and Harvard and Duke
Me: perhaps you wouldn’t have KNOWN everything had you gone to those places
Him: well, a company paid for me to go to state
Me: I see, well my kids at Duke seem to be learning some stuff
Him: well, I didn’t
Me: my husband and son are watching the game up at Kangaroo Jacks
Him: I used to date a girl who works up there
Me: oh yeah?
Him: yeah, she was stupid
Me: okaaayyyyy
Him: woman are you know
Me: are what?
Him: woman are stupid and not worth the trouble
Me: you are aware that I happen to be a woman right?
Him: yeah
Me: I’m definitely worth the trouble
Him: if you say so
Me: I do
Him: I hate stupid people and they’re everywhere
Me: well I can’t argue with that but the woman thing seems a little stereotypical
Him: no, I’m right. Who needs them?
Me: technically, we all do if for no other reason than to perpetuate the human race
And with that I got off the bike, wiped it down and left. He also went on a rant about how stupid all these other people were. By the way, he’s 34 and thinks he knows EVERYTHING.
That’s what I get for being polite. No wonder I rarely bother.
Follow Me
Subscribe by Email
Categories
Recent articles
- In which I’m a fish whisperer19 Oct 2016
- In which i have a political opinion30 Sep 2016
- In which I almost forgot my moms birthday09 Sep 2016
- In which i bought a new fitbit06 Jul 2016
- In which we got him packed up20 Jun 2016
Follow All Fooked Up
Search
All Fooked Up Store
Testimonials
Lynn MacDonald Art
I wonder if the guy is also a blogger. If he is, he might have posted something about that woman in the gym who seems “stupid enough to engage me in conversation” when in fact, what I am doing is merely provoking her to get off the bike.
Maury recently posted..learn guitar
Hahaha…he was so derisive and dismissive that I can’t imagine he would deign to speak to the masses.
If it had been me, I would have gotten off the bike with this parting question, “Your intelligence is impressive. Do you know what a fucking prick you are?” But that’s just me …
I can NOT believe that he said that to your face! Nice of you to wipe the bike off though. I think.
Awwww…gym etiquette trumps assholes
I totally wondered if he wasn’t doing what Maury suggested. Like, “Hey, if I’m a total moron that lady will get off that bike so I can watch the game.” That would’ve been my ploy at least. Well, if I wasn’t a stupid, useless woman that is.
I don’t know…he seemed like a dick
i so wish you peed on the bike. just a teeny bit.
kathykate recently posted..Secrets of the Traveling Va-Jay-Jay
Hahaha…that thought never occurred to me
I might have been apt to ‘wipe down’ the bike with Ben Gay or some type of itching powder. What a misogynistic loser he is!
Well of course, all I had with me was a water bottle. I did wonder who in the hell would date the guy? He wasn’t bad looking but once he opened his mouth it was all over
You know what? He sounds like he’s one weird self-centered motherfucker.
i would agree with that statement
i had a friend who said you should treat everyone like a complete fuckwit.
it is their job to prove otherwise.
you would have liked him ;)
By Word of Mouth Musings recently posted..Wordy or Wordless this Wednesday
Where have you been???????
I dont think I would have wiped down the bike for him. What a jackass!
On a different topic, there must be something encoded in dogs to poop/pee/puke on the 2% of the house that has a rug and never on the wood. Sorry he isnt feeling good. Did that this summer and it sucked!
I think you’ll find that your first mistake was in actually speaking to strangers. I do my best to not even make eye contact with anyone I don’t know (and many people I do, now that I think about it). I have absolutely no interest in them. Of course, that’s a little easier than it sounds since I rarely leave the house. And, as my husband calls them, my “invisible friends” online rarely look at me. I’m assuming it’s because they don’t want to embarrass me by having to notice my stained and wrinkled pjs. But that just goes to show their good manners, don’t you think?
i speak to everyone and i have to say that i’ve met some very interesting people that wa
I know you do, which gives us some lovely blog posts. Also, you’re just way more friendly than I am. My husband is the same way as you, so I avoid going out in public with him as much as possible.
Lynn- so sorry about your dog. Normally I don’t mix business with pleasure (pleasure being reading your blog!) but I work for a natural pet food company. I have no idea what food you’re feeding him, but I would love to give you a coupon for a free bag of our food to see if it helps. A lot of times, changing a pet’s food is all it takes to make their tummy feel better. (And many vets don’t even question what food you give them.) Let me know if you’re interested!
thanks but that’s ok…he’s just dying of a tumor. Food isn’t is problem
There really are people who just love to ruin your mood. Let’s all hope they don’t breed…
Steve recently posted..Indoor chaise lounge chairs
I think “asshole” was being nice. :) Someone needs to revoke this guy’s “breeding” license, stamp his forever with “BITCH”, tar & feather him and sit him somewhere public like Time Square. ;) What a dick!
yeah…i can’t imagine someone dating that guy..
So…super smart guy couldn’t figure out how to work the audio setup? ’nuff said.
(and I’m with the ‘wouldn’t have wiped down the bike’ gang)