This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i met a complete asshole


Warning: this is going to be a COMPLETELY rambling post.


Yesterday morning I picked my animals up at the vets as Kevin and I had been out of town for a week. My dog Tucker, who is slowly dying, seemed quite happy to see us but he actually looked like he was a little weak.  Ever since we found out he was dying we basically feed him at will and yet, he’s continued to lose weight.


Much as I love the dog, I was MORE than a little dismayed to wake up this morning and discover that he had peed and shit ALL OVER my dining room rug.  Now I don’t have all that many rugs in this house as I like my pine floors but I have a few and out of ALL the rugs in the house, I only have two nice rugs.  One is in the living room and one is in the dining room.


Of course, the one is the dining room is BY FAR the nicest rug that I have in the house.  This is where the dog ALWAYS chooses to let loose on.  Does he do it because he thinks “there’s no way mom is going to eat breakfast in here?” or does he shit there because he thinks “this rug is dark red and it won’t show stains?” or is he actually aware that there is NOTHING more EXPENSIVE in my house that that rug.  I honestly have no idea but I spent the morning cleaning it up.


By the time I got to the gym in an attempt to undo the damage that my vacation had wreaked on my body, I was already quite late.  Now normally Kevin and I go work out together and then get coffee but Kevin was recovering from the flu and was only going to do a short workout and then go meet Daniel to watch NCAA basketball.  Therefore, I was on my own.


I was on the recumbent bike, which is front of a huge row of TV’s when towards the end of my workout I seriously met the biggest asshole that I think I have ever talked to.  When I was young I used to say to my dad “that guy is a total jerk” to which he would reply that “no one is a total jerk Lynn” and in this case I think my dad would say that “no one is a complete asshole” but DAD, you’re wrong.


So, I was sitting on my bike when this guy gets on the bike next to me and tries to figure out how the headphones work.


Me:      what are you trying to do?


Him:    I want to watch the NC State/Georgetown game


Me:      just plug the headphones in and turn it to channel 1


Him:    I did and it’s not working


Me:      well, I’ll be off soon so you can have this bike when I’m done


Him:    ok


Me:      so are you routing for State?


Him:    yeah, I went there


Me:      what do you do now?


Him:    I started my own company here in Greensboro. I HATE Greensboro


Me:      well, why are you here then.  Why not Research Triangle?


Him:    I used to work there


Me:      what do you do?


Him:    I invented this chemical polymer that works with outdoor equipment


Me:      so were you a chemical engineer at state?


Him:    yeah, but education is a rip off


Me:      how so?


Him:    I never learned a single thing at state or at Carolina (UNC)


Me:      why’s that?


Him:    because I already knew everything they taught at state and the business school people at Carolina were a bunch of jerks telling me how they did it


Me:      Sounds like you must be pretty smart


Him:    yeah, I got into MIT and Harvard and Duke


Me:      perhaps you wouldn’t have KNOWN everything had you gone to those places


Him:    well, a company paid for me to go to state


Me:      I see, well my kids at Duke seem to be learning some stuff


Him:    well, I didn’t


Me:      my husband and son are watching the game up at Kangaroo Jacks


Him:    I used to date a girl who works up there


Me:      oh yeah?


Him:    yeah, she was stupid


Me:      okaaayyyyy


Him:    woman are you know


Me:      are what?


Him:    woman are stupid and not worth the trouble


Me:      you are aware that I happen to be a woman right?


Him:    yeah


Me:      I’m definitely worth the trouble


Him:    if you say so


Me:      I do


Him:    I hate stupid people and they’re everywhere


Me:      well I can’t argue with that but the woman thing seems a little stereotypical


Him:    no, I’m right.  Who needs them?


Me:      technically, we all do if for no other reason than to perpetuate the human race


And with that I got off the bike, wiped it down and left.  He also went on a rant about how stupid all these other people were.   By the way, he’s 34 and thinks he knows EVERYTHING.


That’s what I get for being polite.  No wonder I rarely bother.

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the RSS feed to have future articles delivered to your feed reader.


  1. Maury
    April 4, 2012

    I wonder if the guy is also a blogger. If he is, he might have posted something about that woman in the gym who seems “stupid enough to engage me in conversation” when in fact, what I am doing is merely provoking her to get off the bike.
    Maury recently posted..learn guitarMy Profile

    • Lynn
      April 4, 2012

      Hahaha…he was so derisive and dismissive that I can’t imagine he would deign to speak to the masses.

  2. Julie
    April 4, 2012

    If it had been me, I would have gotten off the bike with this parting question, “Your intelligence is impressive. Do you know what a fucking prick you are?” But that’s just me …

  3. Starle
    April 4, 2012

    I can NOT believe that he said that to your face! Nice of you to wipe the bike off though. I think.

    • Lynn
      April 4, 2012

      Awwww…gym etiquette trumps assholes

  4. Melanie
    April 4, 2012

    I totally wondered if he wasn’t doing what Maury suggested. Like, “Hey, if I’m a total moron that lady will get off that bike so I can watch the game.” That would’ve been my ploy at least. Well, if I wasn’t a stupid, useless woman that is.

    • Lynn
      April 4, 2012

      I don’t know…he seemed like a dick

  5. kathykate
    April 4, 2012

    i so wish you peed on the bike. just a teeny bit.
    kathykate recently posted..Secrets of the Traveling Va-Jay-JayMy Profile

    • Lynn
      April 4, 2012

      Hahaha…that thought never occurred to me

  6. Beaker
    April 4, 2012

    I might have been apt to ‘wipe down’ the bike with Ben Gay or some type of itching powder. What a misogynistic loser he is!

    • Lynn
      April 4, 2012

      Well of course, all I had with me was a water bottle. I did wonder who in the hell would date the guy? He wasn’t bad looking but once he opened his mouth it was all over

  7. Jester Queen
    April 4, 2012

    You know what? He sounds like he’s one weird self-centered motherfucker.

    • Lynn
      April 4, 2012

      i would agree with that statement

  8. By Word of Mouth Musings
    April 4, 2012

    i had a friend who said you should treat everyone like a complete fuckwit.
    it is their job to prove otherwise.

    you would have liked him ;)
    By Word of Mouth Musings recently posted..Wordy or Wordless this WednesdayMy Profile

    • Lynn
      April 4, 2012

      Where have you been???????

  9. Anna
    April 4, 2012

    I dont think I would have wiped down the bike for him. What a jackass!

    On a different topic, there must be something encoded in dogs to poop/pee/puke on the 2% of the house that has a rug and never on the wood. Sorry he isnt feeling good. Did that this summer and it sucked!

  10. Toni
    April 5, 2012

    I think you’ll find that your first mistake was in actually speaking to strangers. I do my best to not even make eye contact with anyone I don’t know (and many people I do, now that I think about it). I have absolutely no interest in them. Of course, that’s a little easier than it sounds since I rarely leave the house. And, as my husband calls them, my “invisible friends” online rarely look at me. I’m assuming it’s because they don’t want to embarrass me by having to notice my stained and wrinkled pjs. But that just goes to show their good manners, don’t you think?

    • Lynn
      April 5, 2012

      i speak to everyone and i have to say that i’ve met some very interesting people that wa

      • Toni
        April 5, 2012

        I know you do, which gives us some lovely blog posts. Also, you’re just way more friendly than I am. My husband is the same way as you, so I avoid going out in public with him as much as possible.

  11. Name *
    April 6, 2012

    Lynn- so sorry about your dog. Normally I don’t mix business with pleasure (pleasure being reading your blog!) but I work for a natural pet food company. I have no idea what food you’re feeding him, but I would love to give you a coupon for a free bag of our food to see if it helps. A lot of times, changing a pet’s food is all it takes to make their tummy feel better. (And many vets don’t even question what food you give them.) Let me know if you’re interested!

    • Lynn
      April 6, 2012

      thanks but that’s ok…he’s just dying of a tumor. Food isn’t is problem

  12. Steve
    April 12, 2012

    There really are people who just love to ruin your mood. Let’s all hope they don’t breed…
    Steve recently posted..Indoor chaise lounge chairsMy Profile

  13. Brenda, Four-Legged Mom
    April 14, 2012

    I think “asshole” was being nice. :) Someone needs to revoke this guy’s “breeding” license, stamp his forever with “BITCH”, tar & feather him and sit him somewhere public like Time Square. ;) What a dick!

    • Lynn
      April 15, 2012

      yeah…i can’t imagine someone dating that guy..

  14. Neeroc
    April 24, 2012

    So…super smart guy couldn’t figure out how to work the audio setup? ’nuff said.
    (and I’m with the ‘wouldn’t have wiped down the bike’ gang)

Follow Lynn on Facebook Follow Lynn on Twitter Follow Lynn via RSS Follow Lynn on Pinterest
Enter your Email

Recent articles

Follow Lynn on Facebook Follow Lynn on Twitter Follow Lynn via RSS Follow Lynn on Pinterest

Go to All Fooked Up Store 

Lynn MacDonald Art