In which i might make a change

Ugh. To my left is a gigantic pile of paperwork and although I have loads of time I haven’t done shit lately.

Well, that’s not completely true; I have been painting a ton. But if you’re like me the more time you have the less you accomplish. When I have a lot to do and no time to do it I’m remarkably efficient but when I have nothing but time I waste it all.

That’s why I’m thinking I need to make a change. For as long as I’ve had any sense of self-awareness a lot of time doing nothing is dangerous for me. I tend to self-destruct when I have too much time with my thoughts.

I have been painting a lot more and I have discovered that I’m improving even though I have no clue what I’m doing but I tend to do everything in the morning which leaves the afternoon to me and my brain.

My brain and me are a bad combo because I can’t handle too much introspection and then I eat. It wasn’t a problem when I was younger as much because the afternoons were always busy with kids and their activities but that’s no longer the case.

As a result I tend to lie on the couch and watch the news and eat. I’m no longer bulimic so my middle area aka my “torso” is getting larger. I hate it and yet I keep doing it.

So what seems to be necessary is that I change up my routine. For example perhaps I shouldn’t work out first thing in the morning because that’s my most energetic time. That would probably be a better time to write this blog (which I barely do anymore because I’m mostly in a ‘I don’t give a shit mood’) and paint.

Then in the afternoon when I want to be lazy and I tend to eat perhaps I should schedule my workouts then. That would make me eat less. The problem is that I HATE to work out in the afternoon. I also read that yoga, which I hate, is really good for centering people who tend to be like me.

I’ve always hated yoga beaus it bores the shit out of me but perhaps I should give it another chance. I know that, in the long run, it would be best for me to change my routine but I seriously love just lying on the couch in the afternoons with my kitty.

I don’t know. I don’t like change but this certainly isn’t working. I’ll keep you updated about whether I get off my ass or not but sometimes; the only thing to do is make an abrupt change in direction.

Hmmmm…also my painting thing is coming up this week. I wonder how that will go? I’ll keep you posted.