This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i need an apple snail … apparently

This past weekend I ran down to the Type A Conference in Charlotte.  Because of all the shit going down, I certainly couldn’t make a weekend commitment but I did feel fairly confident that I’d get a chance to go visit my friends.  I went down on Saturday and came back Sunday.  I didn’t attend any of the conference events but I hung out in the bar and got to see a fair number of bloggers (what does that say about us huh?)

 

I ran into quite a few people and the conversation turned to one of two things.  How is Keely? (Which is to be expected) and How are your fish doing?  I cracked up.  Apparently, the trials and tribulations of keeping Gilgamesh and Hercules alive are resonating with people.  Why just today, I came into the office and guess what?  The water is cloudy again.

 

I suppose that Andie is correct.  Fish shit like it’s their job.  I think one of the following problems is the issue:

 

  1. I’m feeding them too much

  2. Therefore they’re eating too much

  3. Therefore they’re shitting too much

  4. Or… my water filter sucks

  5. Even when it’s plugged in

  6. Which it is

 

However, I was given a piece of advice last week.  Here it is:

 

Lynn, go out and buy a mollusk!

 

Hahaha, now I haven’t given mollusk’s (is that a plural mollusk?) much thought since I took biology which I think was in college before I realized that I couldn’t be a doctor due to a significant lack of good study habits.

 

So I asked around and someone told me that no, that was for a salt-water tank.  I have a fresh water tank.  Or today a “somewhat” fresh water tank as it is sort of cloudy.  After about 5 martinis, we started discussing fish again (I know right?) and Nicole of By Words Musings (my blogging bestie) suggested the following:

 

“Just go down to your local lake and get an apple snail for your fish!”

 

WHAT?  My reply:  “Let me get this straight Nicole.  You want me to go to my local lake (which by the way, I live near a lake so it’s a possibility), stick my hand in the water and pull out an apple snail?”

 

Yep.  That’s what she wanted.  Then I asked, “how will I know if it’s an apple snail?” and she actually had no answer.  Then someone, I think Kelly Pugliano  suggested that I get a sucker fish and throw it in the tank.

 

What the hell is a suckerfish?

 

I explained there were problems with these scenarios.  After Googling sucker fish (which I just assumed was a dumbass fish who bought all the shit everyone was constantly selling them) I found out they grow pretty large.

 

“Let me get this straight.  You guys want me to buy this fish that’s going to be 8 inches long and stick it in there with Gilgamesh and Hercules who are about 2 inches long?”

 

Yep, they told me the suckerfish would keep the tank clean (who’s the sucker now?)

 

I realized that the problem with this scenario was that I don’t actually own these fish.  I’m just their temporary caretaker and they’re Andie’s fish.  I don’t have “naming rights” to any fish.  If I got the fish the pressure to have a great name for the fish would be immense.

 

I called up and Andie and explained my dilemma (she thinks I should just get a new filter) about the naming of the new fish.  Andie has a lot of good names picked out for new fish.  Like Achilles, or Odysseus but she was really thinking Nebakanezer because she doesn’t really have an Egyptian name in the bunch.

 

Problem solved right?  I suppose it will be as soon as I walk down to my local lake and shove my hand into the murky water and pull out either an “apple snail” or a “sucker fish.”  Neither scenario sounds appealing to me.

 

Any suggestions out there?  This fish are stressful.

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17 Comments

  1. Dylan Lin Calista
    June 27, 2012

    Before my Aunt had suicidal Arowana fish, she had these strange looking goldfish. The oranges ones looked like their brains grew on the outside and therefore were the equivalent of mega mind, only the orange fish version…and the black ones looked like they were in a constant state of shock. Think bush babies in the form of black goldfish.

    Anyway.

    Those things produced a shit load of crap (funny how shit and crap mesh well in one sentence). I think it was the food though because she was over feeding them.

    She never got the apple snail but she did get the sucker fish – the thing eats dirt and sucks the glass of the tank. It sort of looks like a plunger with fins. After a while though, the sucker fish grew bigger…a little too big for Aunt’s liking so she got rid of it…by flushing it down the toilet…

    I guess I really shouldn’t be surprised that her Arowana fish wanted to kill themselves when she had them.

    • Lynn
      June 27, 2012

      hahaha…NOT a convincing argument for a sucker fish

  2. By Word of Mouth Musings
    June 27, 2012

    See, you just don’t pay attention!
    It is huge like an apple, hence the name ;)
    Since it doesn’t move real fast, imagine that, you will catch one.
    If you catch a sucker fish, I totally want video – since you would have to haul yourself into the lake, sit there quietly, watch and stealthily, yes, supah stealthily, take one unawares.
    On the flip side, they have these little stores called PetSupermarket and Petsmart who can oblige.

    And then you should call it Nosferatu – Andie will approve.

    Also, I miss you xxxx
    By Word of Mouth Musings recently posted..Karma – and having that kind of day.My Profile

    • Lynn
      June 27, 2012

      I really liked you telling me to go down to my “local lake” though. I mean, i totally have a big lake not far from me. Petsmart would be cheating right?

      also, the damn tank is cloud AGAIN

      miss you too

  3. Jester Queen
    June 27, 2012

    I would suggest going to your local fish store and pulling out a suckerfish myself. And also changing the filter. Because Nebakanezer=kickass cool name, and Andie could refer to him as “His Nebs”.

    • Lynn
      June 27, 2012

      Hahaha…true

  4. Jarvis Nathen
    June 27, 2012

    I think, you’ve a huge experience which can help us, if we follow your advice. I want to learn it from your brilliant blog and want to improve my career. thanks for your nice post.
    Jarvis Nathen recently posted..SitemapMy Profile

  5. alaina
    June 27, 2012

    I be worried what else I would find by sticking my hand in a lake to find a snail.
    alaina recently posted..House Guests.My Profile

    • Lynn
      June 27, 2012

      Agreed

  6. Melanie
    June 27, 2012

    You definitely have to change out the suckerfish when they get too big. Most often aquariums will let you exchange them for free. They work.
    Melanie recently posted..I Owe It To MyselfMy Profile

    • Lynn
      June 27, 2012

      Really? I’ll pass that on

  7. Julie
    June 27, 2012

    Scout the neighborhood and find a grade school kid to clean the tank once a week for $5 a pop. Problem solved. Your welcome.

    • Lynn
      June 27, 2012

      Julie! I can’t entrust these fish to a grade schooler

  8. Mary Anne
    June 27, 2012

    Go to Petsmart and get a plecostomus (sp?) they are ugly fucker sucker fish and will do the job-better than my peruvian cleaning lady I might add..

    • Lynn
      June 27, 2012

      Hahahaha..lgreat comment

  9. Trinity Belt
    June 28, 2012

    I think that the vast experience would really help you to get success in life. I really got advice from this post. Thanks for sharing it with us.
    Trinity Belt recently posted..Hair Removal Creams: Tips To help you choose the right productMy Profile

  10. Shelbie Loni
    July 3, 2012

    For sure you got a lot of learning from the conference you have joined. Experience is the best way to develop our personality.
    Shelbie Loni recently posted..Curb your Appetite – Go for Hoodia Appetite SuppressantsMy Profile

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