This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i pitched Raising America


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I know that I mentioned that I “pitched” Kyra Phillips and the Raising America staff to be on their show when I was in California.  Let me tell you about that:


Ann and I were in the main room when I got fed up with the stupid questions that people were asking (shocking I know) and we left.  As we were walking past one of the smaller rooms, we were asked if we wanted to “pitch” to be on HLN’s show “Raising America with Kyra Phillips.”


Despite the fact that I neither knew what HLN was (turns out it’s CNN Headline News and they’ve renamed it) or what “Raising America” was (it’s a news show for the entire family shown at 12:00 noon Monday through Friday) or who Kyra Phillips was (anchor of said show) I said “sure” figuring that this would be GREAT for Ann.


Ann Zuraw, my close friend from home, is a Certified Financial Planner and she specializes in many of the problems that women face nowadays.  We found out that the pitch was two minutes long before a panel of 5 people.  We had 40 minutes until “showtime.”


We spent the next 40 minutes working on Ann’s pitch (she really is a great person and helps sooooo many people) and it was time to go back.  Ann was pitch #2 and I had been convinced to sign up as pitch #3.  We listened to pitch #1 and thought, “shit, that guy was good and is all about raising money for charity.  We’re totally screwed.”


Then it was Ann’s turn and despite a rocky start, she convinced them that she would be an asset to the show and she was “accepted” into their “yes” pile.  Now it was my turn.


This was a bit problematic for me because a) I don’t have a product and b) I get nervous speaking in public and by now the room had close to 100 people in it and c) I hadn’t planned anything.  Fortunately, I can bullshit with the best of them and I started my pitch, which was essentially, “I can talk about anything, any time, any day.  I use humor to defuse every situation and I’ve had a lot of situations (mentioned all the deaths, the Asperger’s, the tumor).  I have taught my kids life isn’t fair and that it isn’t what happens to you that defines you but how you react to it that does.”


Then made a bunch of jokes about how much fun I would be as a panelist on their show.  Then they asked me about my business card and why it said “Professional Talk Show Guest” (ummmm…that’s my job title on my card) and I asked them why the hell I would want to be a host because it’s so much work but being a guest seemed like a lot of fun?


All in all, it was a chaotic wreck but lots of the people in their remarked on how it was “the funniest pitch I have ever heard” and one guy even admired how I “threw myself under the bus by admitting that I had no idea who they were and what their show was.”


Long story short, it was a hilarious disaster. OR WAS IT?


This week I received an email saying:


Hello and congratulations!

We are so excited for you to be part of the show.

Start thinking about your segment or story and how you would like to contribute. I will assign one of the Raising America segment producers to work with you. We want you and your story to shine so we will make sure you are good and ready.

If you see a story in the news that directly relates to your area of expertise, please send me a more urgent email about how you could contribute to that story.



Holy shit, they have accepted me to do a segment on Raising America.  The only problem is that I don’t have an “area of expertise.”  So here’s where it gets tricky people and I need your help.


Any ideas?  Here’s Andie’s:  she wants me to be like Andy Rooney was on 60 minutes and have a short segment called “what really gets my goat” and I can talk about all the little ridiculous things that we all encounter in life that annoy me.  I mean, that’s basically what this blog is anyways.


I can’t think of any other types of segments I’d be interested in.  Obviously I could talk about raising kids with Asperger’s or dealing with Medical issues but that sounds boring so what do you guys think?


I need some input here.

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  1. Name *
    May 22, 2013

    Lynn, you are f*king hilarious. You make my day.

  2. Jester Queen
    May 22, 2013

    I think a longer version of that. Focus on how to deal with a series of family crises using humor, and give yourself as an example


    Waaiiit for it

    Talk about how to grow a blog accidentally. Make it a big sendup of all these how to blog things and basically say “you’re supposed to do X. I don’t. For some reason people follow me” (which is what you’re always telling us)

    Those are my ideas.

    • Lynn
      May 22, 2013

      I can’t imagine they want to hear about a blog on a news show…we shall see

  3. Julie
    May 22, 2013

    I love Andie’s idea! How about using that but focusing on kids? You have very successfully (in my opinion) raised 3 rocking kids ~ each of whom is on their own path to greatness. Do your segment by pointing out all the bullshit parenting trends flying around out there. God knows they make ME nuts. I’m sure you could do this with humor while still giving some very valuable advice/tips.

    • Lynn
      May 22, 2013

      I don’t know,,,sounds like a lot of work

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