This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i promote the Crackers of Comedy Tour … and me

If it weren’t so damn sad, I’d almost be impressed with the sheer amount of time I’ve wasted today. I went to workout and during intervals of almost dying from cardiac arrest, I thought of about six different things to write about. Instead, I got a phone call on the way home, then another phone call, and then an hour and a half later, I can’t remember any of them. So yeah, that’s annoying because I’m pretty damn sure they were quite clever.

At any rate, now I’ve been wasting my time sending and receiving emails that have nothing to do with important shit and all about having fun. So its 11:00 am and I really haven’t accomplished anything but consume coffee today. Although, I mistakenly agreed to give up chocolate for a week and I’m now wondering if it’s too early to break my word. I mean, it’s been 3 hours!

I once tried to give up sweets for a month. I made it to two weeks and actually lost five pounds because I eat so much of the shit. But this week, Kevin is taking Daniel up to Philly to look at schools so I’ll be alone. Completely alone. 100% ALONE!! Which is awesome but usually being alone leads to chocolate and now that I’ve agreed to give it up, I’m pretty much screwed.

But enough about me how are you today? What? I’m sorry, I really don’t care. I was just being polite. Let me tell you about something exciting that happened to me last night. At least I THOUGHT it was very exciting because I do such a half assed job reading things (skimming really if I’m being honest) that I thought it was all about me. Turns out, I fucked up. Here’s the situation.

Kevin (hubby), Daniel (son) and I watched Glee, which we had taped and which SUCKED by the way. I mean, WTF happened to that show? I’m pretty much over it which is unfortunately because I really don’t have ANY shows I like on TV so I’m stuck watching god damn sports all the time. But I digress. So we finished Glee and then I checked my email and there was an email from a guy named Matt Ward. Here it is below:

To: Webmaster (that’s actually me…yup, I’m a WEBMASTER)

> From:  Matt Ward

> Message:  We like your blogs disclaimer :) I would like to see about submitting something for your blog or doing an interview or something for our show on Friday Feb 25th at The Idiot Box in Greensboro.  Crackers of Comedy is our comedy tour site. We are doing  17 shows in 20 days, one stop being in Greensboro one in Chapel Hill.

> Thanks in advance Lynn!

> Matt Ward

 

So I’m thinking. Oh my god! It’s my big break! These comedy guys are coming here and they want to interview me and have me onstage with them and I can practice and get really good at being onstage and get famous and get on Bill Maher and become a professional talk show guest just like it says on my business card! So I was PSYCHED and I read it to Kevin and without and hesitation (or thinking), sent back a reply.

On Mon, Feb 7, 2011 at 8:35 PM, Lynn MacDonald  wrote:

> Sure, I’d love to talk to you guys or submit something. Just let me know what you’re interested in and we will work it out. Sounds exciting! I’ve thought about doing standup but never actually have tried it.

> Let me know,

> Lynn aka All Fooked Up

 

 I spent the rest of the evening fantasizing about this unique opportunity. I looked at their website and I was stoked. OMG! I was going to learn stand up! And it was all good until I got this email this morning: 

> Well, here is the tour bio and a couple of pictures. Let me know if you want to just fire me some questions and I we can do an lil interview. 

> Matt

  

Wait! What? I’m interviewing them? WTF? They want to submit to me? OMG. I had the whole thing ass backwards (shocking, I know). So I tell Kevin about it and what does he do? HE LAUGHS! Yup, he cracks up and says dryly “well, how’s the fact that you got all the details wrong a shock Lynn?” Seriously, is that nice? So now I’m in a predicament. I mean, I’ve guest posted on some other blogs but I’ve never actually promoted anyone on my blog (at least, I don’t think so … remember, I’m losing my memory). So what do I do? WHAT DO I DO?

I think I can turn this situation around and so I shoot off this email to Matt:

Matt

On Feb 8, 2011 10:20 AM, “Lynn MacDonald”  wrote:

> so, I was so psyched cuz I thought you wanted to interview me! but then I looked, and alas, you wanted me to interview you. But then I thought, what the hell, I’ve never done anything like this before so why not? plus, people are always telling me to try standup so here’s what I’m thinking. I’m going to write a post about you guys…and then, I’m gonna get some friends to come to the show.

> But, one of my goals is to be the fourth chair on Bill Maher BUT I get a huge vagus nerve problem and the adrenaline practically knocks me out when I get in front of people SO, I’m thinking that YOU could help me with that. How you might be asking? well, I’ll just go up there for about five minutes and you’ll make me talk. It would be good practice for me and very frankly, I’m funny so it shouldn’t fuck you up too, too much. RIGHT? unexpected huh? it wouldn’t be if you were actually reading the shit I say on my blog.

> So, do you know I’m way, way older than you right? and I only have around 200 people per day reading my shit right? but I do know some local people so I’d be happy to. What did you want to submit because I’d like to ask some funny questions and maybe write out this story about how I thought you were my big break but I was ass backwards.

> I also watched your routine and I did like it … so yeah, there’s that. Ok, supercatmatt, let’s chat. hey that rhymed…so, check back in while I think of questions. I assume this is about publicity so if you want something specific said (of course I would put your show times in etc) let me know.

> Lynn MacDonald

 

So then Matt sent this back to me:

> I am 36 on Monday so we aren’t THAT far apart :)

> Yeah we are approaching popular bloggers for coverage and avoiding mainstream media mostly. We tweet, yelp, foursquare, youtube and blog all through our tour.

> On the road get back with you with responses to your other queries soon.

> Matt

 

And here we are! I’m promoting their tour right this fucking minute by putting this shit up here and in return, they’ll have me up on stage with them. Now that’s not definite yet but I’ve seen their video and I’m pretty damn sure I could kick their ass. If not, my husband is 6’5” and he’ll help me. So come see Crackers of Comedy at the Idiot Box in Greensboro, North Carolina on February 25th! Because, if you see them, you’ll certainly see me. You know you wanna!

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32 Comments

  1. Jackie
    February 11, 2011

    LOL!!! Hilarious!!

    And if I was in North Carolina I’d go to the show just to see what it’s all about!!

    • Lynn
      February 11, 2011

      Hahaha…well, the REAL guys have a normal standup show…I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I do have plenty of people who want to watch me pass out though!

      • Matt Ward from the Crackers
        February 14, 2011

        I will hang with you on stage and do some back and forth comedy with you and also catch you if you happen to fall out:)

        • Lynn
          February 14, 2011

          well, that’s what i’m counting on…i’m basically just a funny bullshitter anyways…and when i explain my whole vagus nerve thing, my five minutes of fame will be over! so THANKS MATT

  2. Theresa Sonoda
    February 11, 2011

    So excited for you Lynn! Can’t wait to see video. Whatever you do up there will be hilarious, I’m sure!

    • Lynn
      February 11, 2011

      well, that or i’ll fail. My husband said, “what if you’re not funny?” Way to inspire confidence Kevin, huh?

  3. Abby
    February 11, 2011

    Lynn, they HAVE to live up to their end!! (And I take judo classes, I’ll help you and your hubs!) lol

    • Lynn
      February 11, 2011

      It’s definitely a go

  4. Redshoes51
    February 11, 2011

    I think it would be worth it if they would let you on stage with them… no?

    If not… then maybe not…

    ~shoes~

    • Lynn
      February 11, 2011

      It’s on so we’ll see how it turns out…i’m going to have it taped.

  5. Toni
    February 11, 2011

    Lynn, that’s so incredibly cool!! It’s like you’re already a superstar. I wish I was in NC, cause I would totally come to see you. And then I’d probably heckle you a little, cause that’s the kind of friend I am.

    Also, I agree with you about Glee. The first season was great; this year, it’s either so-so or really bad. Thankfully, it’s not my favorite show. My favorite shows generally feature better looking older guys with less clothing. Like Hawaii Five-0 or Vampire Diaries. ;)

    • Lynn
      February 11, 2011

      yeah, i’m pretty sure that’s why i watched Battlestar Galactica…hot guys without clothing…

  6. Crayon Wrangler
    February 11, 2011

    (super awesome witty comment that blows your mind inserted here)

    If this post alone doesn’t get you on stage somewhere…I have no faith in the humor of the world.

    • Lynn
      February 11, 2011

      Hahaha…it’s not even getting read that much so, don’t hold your breath!

  7. myevil3yearold
    February 11, 2011

    congrats, but I think you are funnier

    • Lynn
      February 11, 2011

      Hahaha…I suppose, if I don’t pass out first, we will see! I’ll be taping it! Well, not me personally

  8. Lisa
    February 11, 2011

    Dang, wish I had 200 readers, but that really sounds fun going to see a live comedy show and writing about the performers.

    • Lynn
      February 11, 2011

      Also, I’m going to perform so it’ll be awesome.

  9. Lady Estrogen
    February 11, 2011

    That’ll be awesome! Can’t wait to read how it went ;)

    • Lynn
      February 11, 2011

      I’ll probably pass out and die….we will see though.

  10. Name *
    February 11, 2011

    The “Idiot Box” will see it’s largest crowd ever on the 25th (mostly a crowd of idiots!) — and if you do pass out, well…. it will still be entertaining!

    • Lynn
      February 11, 2011

      Hahaha…nothing like passing out in front of my friends for entertainment!

  11. Name *
    February 11, 2011

    Hey, new reader here. One who’d like to be a repeat reader but for the life of me can’t figure out where or how to follow you. This is pathetic. I’m ashamed. Fuck it. Deal and tell me how to get on board here.

    • Lynn
      February 12, 2011

      Ok, three ways. 1. You can follow by email 2. networked blogs (need Facebook) 3. Google friends connect (need a gmail or google ID) or 4. I guess there’s 4 ways, RSS feed

      Hope this helps

      • Angela
        February 12, 2011

        Thanks Lynn. Got it, just couldn’t see a button to click on, that’s all.

        • Lynn
          February 12, 2011

          Excellent…and thanks for following. I get so excited when people read my shit!

  12. Ha! I loved this one. If it weren’t such a long drive from China to NC, I’d totally be there! Guess I’ll just have to watch the video.

    • Lynn
      February 12, 2011

      I suppose that is quite a long drive…I’ll take some video…probably of me passing out

  13. Name *
    February 12, 2011

    Yeah…I was going to suggest that you have someone video you…glad you’re already planning it! I don’t think you’ll pass out (well, not until you’re done anyway).

    • Lynn
      February 12, 2011

      who knows? i’m actually not so great about public speaking and i get the shakes. We’ll see what happens, won’t we…well, in two weeks we will.

  14. Nicki
    February 13, 2011

    We seem to be on the same page about a lot of stuff…well, maybe not. I have to confess, I stopped reading this post after the chocolate paragraph because…well…I am really busy but more honestly, my ADD is acting up today and I lost interest! It’s not you, it’s me! Really! Anywho…my hubby is out of town, I too am quite impressed with the amount of time I have wasted, especially because I feel so overwhelmed! And most remarkably, I ate potato chips with dip and a milk chocolate Dove bar for dinner last night. Washed it down with my TENTH (no fucking joke) cup of coffee out of the 12 cups I had yesterday! Are you my illegitimate sister?????????

    • Lynn
      February 13, 2011

      hahaha…no matter. Sometimes i read an entire post and get to the bottom and realize that i had spaced out THE ENTIRE TIME and that i had NO IDEA what i had read. I’m not illegimate but i’m open to having a sister…i suppose…hmmm…

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