This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i screwed the pooch…and The Lion King

I once wrote a post on how people ALWAYS think I’m smart.  I didn’t publish it though.  I’m not sure why.  Perhaps it’s because it is one of the things that Kevin and myself always laugh about.  I suppose that on some level I have some brains but if that’s true, I’m the stupidest smart person on earth.  Here’s one example why:

I’ve mentioned before that both of my girls attend Duke University.  Coincidentally, Duke University is located in Durham, North Carolina.  Durham has recently built a new Performing Arts Center and it’s called DPAC.  Like many arts centers, DPAC has a Broadway series and it’s currently in its third season.  With an excellent line up scheduled, we bought 5 season tickets last year so Kevin, Daniel and I could go down and see the musicals with Keely and Andie.  Last year we saw Spring Awakening, Grease, The Chinese Acrobats and Phantom of the Opera.  It was great fun going down there once a month, meeting the girls for dinner and going to DPAC.  So fun in fact, that we decided to repeat it this year.  The lineup looked great and we were especially excited about The Lion King, Billy Elliot, and In the Heights.  We have fantastic seats and the setup there is incredible.

We loved Billy Elliot, skipped Young Frankenstein and were ready to attend The Lion King in January.  This is the one that Andie was MOST excited about.  Of course, with the girls home over Christmas break (which seemed to last forever, I might say), the days began to blend one into another.  Early last week, Andie told me she thought I should check the tickets to The Lion King to make sure I knew when it was.  Telling her not to worry about it, I quickly forgot.  A few days went by and I woke up last Thursday and like I do first thing EVERY morning, I checked my emails on my iPhone.  I mostly do this to see if I’ve gotten any new comments or anything fun overnight but, at this point it’s mostly habit.

But on that day, I received an email saying “Please go to Survey Monkey and grade DPAC on its performance of …” YOU GUESSED IT  “… The Lion King.”  ***FUCK*** Seriously, this was an unmitigated disaster.  The kids were literally driving me nuts the night before and I had been thinking, “Why can’t they just leave and go do something?”  So I started to feel a knot forming in the pit of my stomach and was thinking “no fucking way did I just miss The Lion King.”  I looked around to make sure Kevin was getting ready for work and I ran to the office and logged on.

I checked out DPAC and goddamnit, I had tickets to the Lion King THE NIGHT BEFORE!  Seriously, 5 tickets to the Lion King at $70 a pop.  Not only that, but that play was the entire reason I had bought the series for the year.  Of course I started freaking out, but kept it inside, trying to figure out how to fix the situation.  Trust me, if you fucked up as much as I have, you’d be excellent at triage…and I am.  So I checked and sure enough, the musical was playing in Durham for three weeks.  “I can fix this” I was thinking. “I just have to make a call.”  I kept the situation quiet although I was actually feeling pretty uptight but I managed to get through breakfast.  

I figured they didn’t open until 10 so I got Daniel off to school, Kevin went to work, and I went to the gym.  I was a little panicked but I was still keeping it close to the chest.  I got home and called DPAC and they told me that indeed, “I’M SCREWED!”  It seems that Disney, in their infinite wisdom, allows no refunds or exchanges to The Lion King.  The guy told me that “if I had only informed them prior to the show, perhaps something could have been worked out.”  EXCUSE ME?  IF I HAD REALIZED PRIOR TO THE SHOW THAT I WAS GOING TO FORGET THE GODDAMN SHOW, WOULD I HAVE NEEDED TO INFORM THEM?  HELLO?

So I said to the guy, “look, I have bought 5 tickets to the entire series for 2 seasons in a row.  That’s a LOT of money.  Surely there must be some tickets to some performances that haven’t been sold that I can at least send my kids to, right?”

“Yes” he told me. There were tickets available but with Disney, DPAC’s hands were tied and I would have to re-purchase some tickets if I wanted to attend.  UN-FUCKING BELIEVABLE!  By now I was hyperventilating and I hadn’t even started the process of confessing yet…always the worst aspect of my many fuck-ups.

I decided to tell Keely first, and she just shook her head sadly and told me that Andie was the one I had to worry about because she was going to be really, really pissed.  As if I didn’t know that already!  Must she remind me?  I snuck upstairs to Andie’s room and nudged her awake and confessed that we missed The Lion King and ran out of the house to do errands before she could scream at me.  Man, this day was NOT going as I originally intended.  So two down and one big confession to go.  I wasn’t too worried about Daniel because he’s pretty chill.  So Keely and I went out running errands and I told Keely that her father was going to kill me and that I couldn’t believe this and hey, how come people always put me in charge when they KNOW all I ever do is screw up and OMG he was going to yell at me and Andie was probably going to punch me and how, oh how could I have missed the Lion King and what a waste of money this entire series had turned out to be and …

“STOP!” says Keely.  “Mom, do you want me to call dad and confess for you?”  

“Will you?” I said, using my whiney voice.  

So Keely called Kevin and explained that once again, I had destroyed everything by forgetting to look at the calendar and therefore we had missed The Lion King. Finally after a few minutes she handed me the phone and said, “Dad wants to speak to you.”  I could actually hear the music from Jaws playing in my head and I KNEW that my imminent death was near.  

“Hi Kevin,” I said casually.  I heard Kevin sigh on the other end, “Lynn, perhaps you should come up with a better system of remembering.” “I have a great system; I just forgot to write it down!”

I could actually feel him shaking his head over the phone.  The truth is, this is NOT the first time I’ve screwed up.   As a matter of fact, the list is practically endless.  By the time we got home, I knew I wasn’t going to be divorced and that only left having to face Andie.  Was she pissed?  She was.  But it did give her an entire week to say to me at random intervals, “remember that time we were SUPPOSED to go see The Lion King at DPAC mom? … Yeah, that was last week!”

So, am I a stupid smart person?  Or just plain stupid?  This one ranks right up there with the story of how I missed my 20 year college reunion because I wrote it down on the wrong weekend.   Why are calendars so difficult?

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36 Comments

  1. at least, that’s what I told myself when I showed up at my 20th H.S. reunion on the wrong night. Oh, yes I did.

    • Lynn
      January 12, 2011

      Got ya beat! Planned an out of town trip to Baltimore for my 20th reunion on the WRONG weekend! Sitter and all!

  2. Just Margaret
    January 12, 2011

    You’re a smart person with a memory *disorder*…at least that’s what I told myself when I showed up at my 20th H.S. reunion on the wrong night. Oh, yes I did.

    and, er…I’m a smart person who can’t handle comment forms, either. Hence the duplicate comment.

    • Lynn
      January 12, 2011

      So I’ll reply twice too! Hahaha

  3. Brandi
    January 12, 2011

    For that much money, I would’ve just left a note & jumped off a bridge. Or drank myself into a blackout. One of those. Probably the latter. Yeah. Most likely, definitely, the latter. LOL!
    Farking Disney.

    • Lynn
      January 12, 2011

      I know…I’m so pissed both at myself and at Disney. No good bridges around here though. Stupid Disney. I need to call the DPAC office today and see if I can sweet talk them!

  4. Abby
    January 12, 2011

    I cannot tell you how many times I’ve asked Zach things like “Did you write this down or did I?”
    “Babe, did I eat today?”
    “When was the last time you saw me use the bathroom?”
    “What’s my name?”

    …does bipolar disorder make us stupid? lol

    • Lynn
      January 12, 2011

      My shrink told me it was the Prozac, but I have my doubts…I’ve always been like this. Did you read the post my trouble with travels? Hahaha

  5. Carla E. Knight
    January 12, 2011

    Ah, my solution is soooooo easy. Bud is in charge of our social calendar. Now I rarely screw up.

    • Lynn
      January 12, 2011

      I’d screw it up anyways…no doubt. Bur Kevin is pretty busy…or so he says!

  6. Lady Estrogen
    January 12, 2011

    Oh, my stomach churned in knots for you!!

    adventuresinestrogen.blogspot.com

    • Lynn
      January 12, 2011

      Yeah…that one was worse than usual…even for me…read my trouble with travels posting and you’ll see…

      • Lady Estrogen
        January 13, 2011

        I forgot to mention one of my stellar moments – twins’ first birthday – all family & friends are over – took tons of photos, including the big cake moment…. and that night I went to download the pics and I had forgotten to put in the memory card. All of it – never existed & can never be re-created; I cried.

        To make matters worse, I am a god damn photography teacher!!

        • Lynn
          January 13, 2011

          ok…that was funny but when you said you were a photography teacher, i totally cracked up. HAHAHA…i once took a million photos at my inlaws 50th anniversary dinner in Vermont and then found out the damn camera was broken

  7. feefifoto
    January 12, 2011

    Oh, I feel for you. At times when the holes in my brain affect only me I can pretend incidents like this never happened, but when they affect others I have no place to hide. A few years ago I accidentally threw away the Hannah Montana tickets.

    • Lynn
      January 12, 2011

      Hahaha…isn’t that actually a GOOD thing…although I did go see both Britney and Backstreet Boys…back in the day!

  8. Cathy Procton
    January 12, 2011

    Seriously….so typical for me..I attended a Christmas Party a week early…
    Although, I have to ask you why you did not bail your self out, buy new tickets and tell the family you gave the others away..well you did sort of.

    • Lynn
      January 12, 2011

      You know me Cathy…I have to be honest…I did offer to buy more tickets though.

  9. Josh
    January 12, 2011

    Should have just rented the movie and had it playing when the family got home and ordered pizza, Hell it is still a good plan, and will be very funny, at least to this outsider!!!

    Or you could perform a one woman skit in your living room to the soundtrack of teh Lion King??

    Should make for an interesting story and blog!!!!!

    • Lynn
      January 12, 2011

      For some reason, my family wasn’t amused by the entire situation. Now my girls are back at college so the performance will have to wait.

  10. Duffylou
    January 12, 2011

    At least you missed it on accident. Which by the way, I found your family dynamic extremely humorous.

    I’ll have to admit I’ve paid money to go to a theater production or special event and the day came and I didn’t feel like going, so I didn’t. How’s that for wasting money and being less than intelligent?

    • Lynn
      January 12, 2011

      my family dynamic is a mess as i’m the most immature person in the family…and the biggest screw up. Wasting money on purpose i can live with…i did that with Young Frankenstein…it’s the screw ups that are difficult.

  11. erin margolin
    January 12, 2011

    Okay, now I need to go double check all my Blissdom dates/reservations! LOL
    Love the line towards the end about how you have a great system, but just forgot to write it down. PERFECT!

    not to rub it in, but the lion king is kinda excellent.
    ;-)

    @erinlynn76

    • Lynn
      January 12, 2011

      i know…i know…the Lion King…i’m still going to try to sweettalk the box office into free tickets. Blissdom dates…good news, i didn’t make the reservations so they should be correct.

  12. Renee
    January 12, 2011

    Yeah, I forget stuff all the time. But I’m at that point where I can blame age. My daughter often reminds me I’m getting old.

    But, I’m thinking, I’d have asked for the number of the Disney in charge person. Asked them why DPAC was being so unreasonable. Things come up (or go missing, like say, memory) and sometimes you just can’t make a date at the last minute.

    • Lynn
      January 12, 2011

      good point…i’m going to call Disney and explain. I doubt you’re older than me and i’ve been screwing up for a really, really long time now.

  13. Theresa Sonoda
    January 12, 2011

    Awwwwwww, I feel badly for you. And The Lion King was awesome. We saw it here in Vegas. Guess I could have left that last part off huh? Well, I hear you’re going to Blissdom. Double-check the dates! Write it Down! You don’t want to miss meeting all those cool ladies. Wish I was gonna be there, but not this time.
    Everyone forgets important shit. I have to write everything down myself.
    T

    • Lynn
      January 12, 2011

      well, i am going to blissdom and didn’t actually make the reservations myself…so we should be ok. Still working on going to BlogHer at the keynote speaker though.

  14. Walt
    January 12, 2011

    We saw it when we were living in Los Angeles and it was awesome. I’ll be sure to let KTM know how great it was! I would have loved to know what everyone sitting around your five empty seats thought?

    • Lynn
      January 12, 2011

      Walt…are trying to get me in trouble? It was a cluster fuck…plain and simple.

  15. Nina
    January 12, 2011

    OH No, Lynn!!! I feel like I do this kind of thing all the time . . . I the last minute, desperate scramble . . . damn the calendar!

    • Lynn
      January 12, 2011

      Yeah…what I can’t figure out is why I’m ever in charge? I mean, I screw things up constantly…and yet they put me in charge.

  16. social workers
    January 18, 2011

    My partner and I really enjoyed reading this blog post, I was just itching to know do you trade featured posts? I am always trying to find someone to make trades with and merely thought I would ask.

    • Lynn
      January 18, 2011

      It guess that would depend on what your style was and what you wrote about. You can email me with your ideas and I’ll consider it.

  17. Carly
    January 20, 2011

    We once bought tickets to Garth Brooks concert back when he first started, bought them 6 months before the concert. So I kept them in my lock box at the bank, because we were going to be moving and I didn’t want them lost! Yeah, you guessed it – that’s where they were when I remembered it on Saturday afternoon, when the bank was closed and the concert was on Sunday night!! OMG!! My husband walked out of the bathroom and I was hysterical, couldn’t talk cause I realized what I had done!! We were at his work, so he thought someone had came in and robbed me! Dumbass runs through my veins too!! Don’t feel alone – we’ve ALL done it!!!

    • Lynn
      January 20, 2011

      Hahaha…that’s funny, but a TOTAL bummer. I do it all the time…

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