This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i share my mother-mother-daughter talk AGAIN

I’m away with Kevin celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary so I thought it would be fun to put up an old post about a conversation I had with my parents DIRECTLY before we met.  Hope you enjoy the post!!

As I was pondering what to write about last night, I had decided on talking about my first date with my husband Kevin. However, I realized I couldn’t discuss my first date until I actually explained how I met him. Upon further thought, I realized that I couldn’t even describe that evening without bringing up the famous “mother-mother-daughter talk” I had in New York prior to meeting him.

A little history here: I was living in New York City working for International Paper Company (the job I got in a Chinese restaurant, but, that’s a story for another day). I was 25 years old and my mother was despairing that I would “never find a man”. My parents had come up to New York City to visit my brother Bruce and myself. I had been living up there a few years and Bruce came up after college to work in finance. At the time, I lived in Soho and Bruce lived in The Village.

I had already dated every worthless male within a two mile radius when my parents decided to come up to New York for a visit. I was close with both of my parents, even talked to my mom everyday, but I was absolutely, positively a DADDY’S GIRL. My mother was a “clothes horse” and I was a total slob. I wouldn’t say I was the bane of her existence, but I was close, and probably not at all what she had in mind when she had a daughter. But my dad … while I wouldn’t say I could do no wrong in his eyes (because I was constantly in trouble), that was a pretty accurate description. I was his constant shadow growing up, even when he was in his workshop doing woodwork. As a matter of fact, when I went off to college, where most girls would get a “trousseau” and pretty things, my dad bought me my own “handy, dandy tool kit”. So that’s the relationship I had with my parents.

I begin the story when I went up to see my parents in their hotel room before dinner and the conversation began:

Mom:           “Jerry (my dad), you need to sit on the bed and keep your mouth shut so I can have a conversation with Lynn”.

Dad:             “Why can’t I talk?”

Mom:           “Because this is a mother-daughter conversation”.

Dad:            “Okay”

Me:             “Oh shit!”

Mom:          “Lynn, I’m worried that you will never catch a man.”

Me:            “Are you kidding me mom, I spend my life hanging out with guys.  Why would you think something like that?”

Mom:         “I think you need to be more mysterious.”

Me:            “What should I do? Should I wear a black veil over my face? What does that even mean?”

Mom:          “I think you scare guys. You come on too strong … just keep a little of yourself more hidden”

Me:             “Ok. Let’s examine this. I keep myself hidden, start dating a guy and one day the real me shows up and the guy goes, HOLY SHIT …and promptly dumps me because … I’M NOT THAT GIRL!”

Dad:           “Can I speak up for a moment as a mother here.”

Mom:         “No!”

Me:             “Yes!”

Dad:            “I agree with Lynn…she should be herself. One day she will meet a guy who can handle that about her.”

Me:             “Thanks dad.”

Mom:          “I give up.”

Okay. So that’s it. It was the talk that became known as our famous “Mother-mother-daughter” talk. It was a hilarious episode in my life and we talked about it all the time. Soon afterwards, I met my husband in a bar and we’ve been together for 25 years.

However, each year on Mother’s Day I sent both of my parents Mother’s Day cards. This went on until their death. I will never forget the conversation… or the conclusion … which is JUST BE YOURSELF … eventually someone will be too drunk to notice you’re a hardass and they will date you.

I’m just saying …

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15 Comments

  1. Ash-Matic
    March 12, 2012

    That was quite funny. And it all turned out okay in the end, without compromising yourself!
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  2. Mayor Gia
    March 12, 2012

    Awww, that’s actually sweet, in a way.
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  3. Lanaya
    March 12, 2012

    I totally agree with you that being yourself is very important.. Thanks for this great advice!I love the mother-mother-daughter conversations.. :)
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  4. Jester Queen
    March 12, 2012

    Happy Anniversary. You wrote out that whole hilarious conversation, and do you know what I got out of it? Your parents gave you a toolkit to go away to college! That’s EXACTLY what mine did!! (In my case, I didn’t move away from home until grad school, but still.)

  5. Eleanor Raif
    March 12, 2012

    Well, might also be entitled ‘In which my father reveals his identity crisis.’

    But yay for being yourself!
    As for me, the man who chose to marry me came to that conclusion under a heavy dosage of marijuana – then later got clean.
    He’s been trying to get his prescription card ever since.

  6. Melanie
    March 12, 2012

    Love love love this post. My mom has this talk with me on pretty much a yearly basis. “You should tone down a little and wait until someone knows you to show your quirks.” Umm, no. I don’t feel the need to reel someone in with a fake me. I have a boyfriend who loves my quirks. There is something wrong with him for that, and I’ll totally take it.

  7. Name *
    March 12, 2012

    Funny and amazing story! I guess there is hope for me yet…

  8. alaina
    March 12, 2012

    What an awesome memory of your parents and I LOVE that you sent your dad a mother’s day card too!
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  9. Patmo
    March 13, 2012

    LMAO at this since I thought I was the only one who ever got this “talk.” Minus the dad, but basically the same. After this didn’t work, I got THIS happy little talk:

    Mom (feigning light-heartedness): So . . . I have a question for you.

    Me: Yeah?

    Mom: Um . . . you’re not a lesbian, are you?

    Me: WHAT?!?!?

    Mom: Because if you are, that’d be okay, you know.

    Me: Mom, I’m not a lesbian. Just because I’m 32 and have dated every conceivable loser, Mama’s boy and serial cheater on the planet doesn’t make me a lesbian.

    Mom: But if you were, that’d be okay.

    Me: ARGH!!!

    • Lynn
      March 13, 2012

      Hahahaha…ok you win

  10. Amberr Meadows
    March 13, 2012

    What an awesome story. Happy Anniversary!
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  11. Well, I find this article funny at the same time I was amazed about the relationship you had with your dad. I considered myself a Daddy’s Girl too, and I always love the feeling of being rescued from my mom’s endless speeches about this and that. Funny experiences like this make you remember the good old days when you’re still their cuttee-patootee little girl.

  12. I love this post! I think I’ll be like your dad someday. :) I imagine myself having a daughter and that makes me smile.

  13. Nice post. You probably have a lot more funny stories to tell. I think your parents especially your dad are the coolest people! :)

  14. Ms.Amber
    March 16, 2012

    Very wonderful post! :) I really enjoyed reading your story here.. Keep posting some more!
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