This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!
Hey there. So today is actually August 11th and Daniel is 22 years old today. Yeah I know, I can’t believe it either. I posted my first post 5 years ago on August 16th, 2010. I can’t believe that either.
As you know, I’ve been kind of out of it lately but back in the day I wrote some decent posts. They were grammatically a nightmare but they were pretty good and funny. I actually think I might have been funnier back then!
At any rate, I have decided to repost my FIRST POST EVER because I can’t imagine that a lot of you went all the way back and read my shit back then. I certainly had high hopes for this blog. Here ya go! I called it:
Ok. So I have been threatening to write a book for years and the only reason it isn’t written yet is the small fact “that I don’t write”. However, after spending the past week baking in the sun on The Outer Banks of North Carolina, I have been cajoled into starting the process by writing on a “blog”. I have since been informed that this LiveJournal thing is actually a blog and since about 10 of you have had the misfortune of friending me, you will be the guinea pigs for my new “creative process”
So… what is this book about. NOTHING. ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING! You see …. That’s what my life is about. The book has a title “Good Enough – The Chronicles of an Underachiever”. After many, many beers a sequel title was proposed as well “The World is full of Assholes!” The book will be made up of the many (and I absolutely mean many) funny and ridiculous things that have happened to me in my life. (Trust me, weird things happen to me in my life). The book is about my philosophy of life which is about accomplishing nothing, being good at accomplishing nothing, and convincing other people who accomplish something … to simply stop it and also accomplish nothing. You see, most people are incapable of spending days at a time doing nothing … they get bored and start doing something … but that’s a story for another day.
I just wanted to declare my intention of overwhelming you guys with stupid stories. In return, I will religiously devote myself to reading as much fanfiction as is humanly possible. In fact, I already am!
We have also decided (my 20 year old daughter and I) to have a talk show. This came about from a hilarious conversation in which we were discussing our mani/pedi from the day before.
Keely: So my manicurist asked if I was okay and I said why wouldn’t I be. She replied that she had never heard a mother be so mean to her child before. I told her that’s how my mom was and it didn’t bother me.
Me: All I said was that my toes were much prettier than yours and how the hell do you manage to walk on such stubby toes?
Keely: Well, you also told me to stop being selfish by picking out my own nail color and to help you. When I didn’t, you made some random stranger help you.
Me: Isn’t that normal?
Well, at any rate we were laughing at the pool on how we could have a talk show and Keely would be “good cop” and I could be “bad cop”. I suggested that we have said talk show on Comedy Central when the lady near us stood up and said, “I would absolutely watch your talk show on Comedy Central. In fact, I’m really happy that I sat next to you guys today!” So, we have an idea and one viewer already. Any comments or suggestions?